I need help with a girl "friend"

[Meiso]

Some of you might remember my story. This has been a weird friendship that has been developing for over a year. Basically it all started when I was approached by co-workers who asked me why I hadn't hooked up with a girl who was clearly following me around and hitting on me at every chance. This got my attention, and lucky for me I found someone I was very interested in as a friend at the very least. We started spending time together alone outside of work and began talking regularly. Things eventually got questionable. We were essentially dating without any physical relationship. I finally approached her telling her how I felt. She denied having feelings for me but wanted to be friends. I was really suprised and a bit hurt, but I was already her friend and wouldn't turn my back on that. Time passed. She became more flirty with me, and a bit more confusing. She would ask lots of questions about my personal life and accuse me of having secret girlfriends. After a few more instances that were very clearly flirting on her hand (no questions about those times), I asked her again if she had feelings for me. Same problem. This time I backed off a bit.

Fast forward several months. I was trying my best to do the friendship thing with her. I was slowly becoming more and more angry and feeling taken for granted. I finally backed off and stopped calling/messaging. I also got a new prestigious job, and soon after lost the job that I shared with her. Things were really starting to change. In her typical hot and cold friendship fashion, she started calling me late at night, like 12 and 1 in the morning telling me she was upset knowing I wouldn't be a phone call away if she wanted me. She let me know it really bugged her to not have me "always there". Time continued on and I still kept to my policy of staying further away from her. She'd be the one to call, and she'd be the one to initiate any nights out.

Here we are now. Two weeks ago I was out with another girl. I missed a phone call from this girl on a Saturday night asking me out. Two days later I got another call from this girl asking if I wanted to spend the night with her watching movies and making food. I said I was interested, but only if she was serious. I said serious because she often times cancels at the last minute or has something come up. Well... The weekend came by. I accidently bumped into her in person, and had her tell me she had to postpone the movie date. Not in a mood to hear it I started to walk. I came home later that night to a message from her apologizing saying that she wasn't cancelling, just delaying, and wanted to get together the next day. Sure enough the next night came along, I was ready... But nothing.... I get a call around midnight from her telling me she was late getting into town after a family function. She asked me if I still wanted to do something in about two days. I just started laughing at this point. She got angry. I told her whatever... And she started accusing me of not really caring about whether we hung out because I was all "whatever" and "who cares". So what's the deal???? I'm supposed to be an emotional wreck for her? Well... Sure enough the next day comes along. I arrive home from an afternoon shift to find that she had messaged me on the computer explaining she couldn't get together because of a relative in town for the night. She said that I probably thought she was the bad friend again... And that I probably hated her. She was really sorry to keep doing this to me. I saw her late LATE night online that night... But she never messaged me. I refused to talk to her. That was earlier in the week. So here we are. I've refused to call and am still left wondering what's going on.

Any opinions? Is she getting off on doing this to me? Is this because I stopped giving her emotions, and she's trying to evoke an emotional reaction? I've never snapped at her before... I've actually been so passive with her. I turn my head instead of speaking in anger to her. Some friends have suggested in her own twisted way she gets off when I assert myself. She wants me to be the man and shut her down. She thrives on that they say. I just don't know what to think... To be ditched so many times when she asked ME out is just confusing and hurtful to me. Does anyone have any ideas what she might be thinking? How do I handle this now? When she calls next, do I just hang up, do I say something mean, or do I blow it off completely? I need help.

[LightOn]

If she calls again answer it but make it brief, say you have to leave and you would return her call, but don't return the call. Let her wonder what is going on.

Your best bet might be to just forget about her, I have used the phrase "I can't play monkey in the middle with you anymore" in situations I have been in that are very similar to yours. It is usually a jaw dropper. If you can't keep the fish biting try a different bait.

I truly doubt she is trying to hurt you, but it sounds as if she is taking you for granted. As for her questioning you about other girls? That sounds like an "attention whore" to me, excuse my french. When shes not getting your complete attention she is not happy. Do you want her to be happy or do you want to be happy? Realize that you can't make everyone happy, so you don't have to obligate yourself to her. It is your choice.

Put your self first....not in a selfish way but in a meaningful way.

[IceQueen]

You are worrying too much about what SHE wants, and you don't ever mention what you want from a relationship with her.

Do you want to be her friend?
Do you want to be MORE than friends?

What is it you want? Decide first, and act accordingly.