Need some advice with a relationship with multiple issues...

[Jay_W]

I'm new to the forums, looking to get advice on my situation and what to do next, as I don't quite know how to take the next step. I've been dating this girl for the last 10 months, and within the first month it got very serious, since there was chemistry there and we got on with each other so well. However, into the relationship about 4 months, she started having problems in her womanly parts and not soon after, she was diagnosed with HPV. For those of you in the know, its something that has the potential to cause cancer in women, whereas most guys can get away with no symptoms. In any case, when she found out, she never blamed me, and actually admitted that she could have caught it from a previous partner.

Anyway, over the past few months, she has been in and out of hospital and on medications, and as a result, our sex life is now non-existent. Also, she has recently had a cone biopsy to remove a large area of her cervix that had abnormal cells, which may reduce her chances of having kids. She had the cone biopsy in her hometown, and her mum and dad found out too as a result. Her parents blame me for infecting her (which may or may not be true) and I have already lost their respect before I have met them face to face. This entire ordeal has made me question whether she is worth staying put with, as the whole situation is putting a massive strain on the relationship.

By the way, our relationship is already strained in normal times, as she is cabin crew, and is constantly away for most months. I am also moving away in 2 months to another country and we are planning to do long distance.

I still love her and she wants me to stay with her, but I feel like I am staying because I am sorry for her. Whenever we talk she is constantly miserable and I feel bad for saying this, but she is dragging me down too. What should I do? Should I stick with her or bail?

[smackie9]

Just be honest with her. It's obvious she is going through something horrible, and it would be wise that she gets some counseling for it. These things do blow over. This will be a test of your character, because you will face things like this with any partner or your wife. If you truly love her you will stick by her.

On another note, you never mentioned you actually have the virus. Have you not ever been tested with each new partner? And require them to be tested before that condom comes off?

[michelle23]

this virus as far as im aware can actually cause penile cancer in men so you should take it seriously, get tested and treated. they may be able to give you an injection or other medication.

its your desicion whether you stay or go. it has only ten months and if this has been going on for most of your relationship then i dont blame you for wanting to leave. you cant stay with someone out of obligation or pity.

you do need to be more careful in future. with your next gf make sure you are both tested for everything and safe. hpv is rampant right now