My soul mate is fadding away from me...Please help...

[pecalbar]

Hi guys,

I am a 30years old male wiht successful carrier. I had about 15 women in my life and 3 serious relationships, last was 7 years long.I am the person that everyones likes to hang out because of my personality and harizma. I don’t know why is that, only thing that i do ever is that i act normally and not pretending to be someone else.

Only thing that ever fulfilled me is LOVE. To me love is meaning of life.

About a year ago I had meet one girl and had been instantly attracted to. Same on the other side, inevitable we fell in love although she had a relationship that is making her sad and hallow and I will write about it in the next lines.
I was careful at the beginning but cloves of love were so deep into my heart, I could not resist it. We spent some of the best time in our lives together. We are different in some ways but fulfill each other to the godlike point. We had long conversations about everything, about her relationship with this other guy. She was 20 when they started to date, and they are 7 years in relationship. He is 8 years older than her, he is 36 now and she is 27. She burned very much energy in the beginning of their relationship, she needed love and care and she didn't got it from this guy. This guy is a musician and he didn't let her to get a job because he is very possessive person and he worked only during the weekends. So he wanted to be with her all the time. The time they are spending is mostly boring, he plays video games watching tv or plays a guitar and she become depressed and sad. She would like to travel, to have a long walks. Like she told me once "With him i am feeling like a 50year old women, but with you like i am 20." From her point of view they are good to each other like some friends, but there is no passion and magic. Their sexual life is a one side enjoyment, and she told me that she fells like a true women when we make love. She thinks that she is like a mother to him. She do all in house jobs while he works and get the money. Because of that she stated that she fell that she is in a "debt" with him. She is a modest person, but all that she has was bought with his money. He even sometimes supports her family.

I never told her to leave him or anything bad, all that i ever did was give her advice about the life in order to trigger that sense in her that i am the one for her. I gave her love but i was not "please walk over me" type of guy. i know where my place is and i know what i want.

She tried to broke with him but she felt sorry for him, he started to act like a wussy that he is nothing without her. All of that and the "debt" were creating a huge stress for her, and off course for me. I had very very much patience untli now. She stated that she want to be with me, she wants kids with me, she need to end their unhealthy relationship. I waited and waited until few days ago. She had intention to sit and talk with him. He was playing at the seas side for a two weeks. During that two weeks we had endless conversations over the phone and we spent 2 days together. I was 100% sure that she is going to end it!
When he came back, he wanted to supprise her and he paid a 10 days vacations for two of them. She said to me that this thing make her to be very nervous. Obviously he is not a bad person, and she had a difficult time to brake with him but she is ready to do it! She has plans for two of us, to go to another town and start from scratch.

A day passed by and all of sudden i got this sms which i really need your help to interpret.

"I could not call you today, i was very deppresed. Couldn't sleep all night. I am going to that vacation with him. I am sorry, i know you will be sick of this. I had some matters to settle down. I wish i could be with you but now it is impossible. All i can say that we can stay in touch after i came back, of course if you want to. I think the best would be if we don't see each other and don't call each other for a while. I love you."


I trembled when i read this and i felt my world is tearing apart. During all this time i know she really loves me, she is not a bad person, i can understand all off this by some point but, my god, it is devastating my soul. I told her if you go with him you will lose me forever. I think she is not aware of such thing.


I stopped texting her, she will be back in a few days. I love her beyond comprehension, we are soul mates. And i am talking about pure mature love!


I need to ask you for a help with my inner game stuff that is keeping me restless at nights.

1. Could his "nice guy" behaving get her closer to him?

2. Will she call me after all of this. I think she will. But what to do then, should i answer the call. My intention is to stop answering or calling her ever again. She cut my heart like a knife, but part of me is ready to forgive her only if she broke with him and get her life in the right lane.

3. Should I make a scene and get in touch with her boyfriend. This is the option that I considered few minutes after the sms but I make my self to calm down.

I would appreciate every advice. I want to get out of this as a better person and of course with her beside me. Could you share some thoughts about my problem if you had similar problems in life.

For the end, in my mind one thing is going on and on : "If this is a true love we will be together"


Thank you in advance!

[angel2002]

Ok, here we go

1. Could his "nice guy" behaving get her closer to him?

YES, DEFINITELY. HE KNOWS HE IS LOSING HER SO HES TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING HE CAN TO KEEP HER WITH HIM.

2. Will she call me after all of this. I think she will. But what to do then, should i answer the call. My intention is to stop answering or calling her ever again. She cut my heart like a knife, but part of me is ready to forgive her only if she broke with him and get her life in the right lane.

IT'S UP TO YOU. IN MY OPINIOn SHE HAS NO KIDS WITH HIM RIGHT? WHAT IS DRAGGIN HER TO BE WITH HIM THEN? SHE IS CONFUSED AND SHE LOVES THIS GUY, NOTHING MATTERS TO A WOMAN WHEN SHE IS INLOVE WITH OTHER MAN AND NEEDS TO BREAK UP HER CURRENT RELATIONSHIP. THE ISSUE IS; YOU ARE GIVING TO HER WHAT HE IS NOT GIVING, BUT IN THE OTHER HAND HE GIVES HER EVERYTHING ELSE SHE NEEDS. SO YOU ARE LIKE A SMALL PART OF WHAT SHE DOESNT HAVE IN HER CURRENT RELATIONSHIP, AND ITS COMPLETELY FINE TO HER TO KEEP LIKE THIS. ITS A COMFORTABLE SITUATION

3. Should I make a scene and get in touch with her boyfriend. This is the option that I considered few minutes after the sms but I make my self to calm down.
NO, DO NOT TELL HIM ABOUT U AND HER. SHE IS CHEATING ON HIM AND SO ARE YOU. YOU NEVER KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE DEALING WITH, AND A MAN IS NEVER REASONABLE WHEN HES CHEATED. HE MIGHT GO CRAZY AND DO SOMETHING EVEN CRAZier TO YOU OR HER.

I would appreciate every advice. I want to get out of this as a better person and of course with her beside me. Could you share some thoughts about my problem if you had similar problems in life.
I WAS MARRIED, AND FELL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER GUY I MET ONLINE. I LEFT MY MARRIAGE TO BE WITH HIM. I DID NOT CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND. I PREFFERED FINISHING THE RELATIONSHIP AND BET ALL MY CHIPS IN THE GUY I LOVE.
LISTEN, THIS THING U GUYS ARE DOING IS WRONG.
SHE IS WRONG FOR CHEATING ON HIM WITH YOU, AND NOT TAKING A DECISION ON YOU.
YOU ARE WRONG FOR ACCEPTING THIS SITUATION, BECAUSE YOU ARE SURRENDERING TO HER '' I CANT NOW'' I WILL FINISH IT SOON''
YES SHE CAN FINISH IT, SHE JUST DOESNT WANT, AND BY TELLING YOU HOW MISERABLE SHE IS AND HOW UNSURE SHE IS, SHE IS KEEPING U AROUND LIKE A BACK UP PLAN.
DO YOU REALLY NEED THIS KIND OF LIFE? TO BE ALWAYS A BACK UP PLAN FOR SOMEONE ELSE? YOU SURE DESERVE BETTER.
NOW, SHE WENT TO A 10 DAY ROMANTIC TRIP AND IS ****ING TEXTING YOU SAYING'' OH IM SORRY, I REALLY NEED TO DO THIS''. BULLSHIT. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO DO IT, SHE IS DOING IT BECAUSE SHE WANTS AND IS PLAYING WITH YOUR FEELINGS.
IN MY OPINION, GIVE HER THE ULTIMATUM OR GIVE IT UP.
BEST OF LUCK

[Gigabitch]

^^^ I second what Angel said.