Love of my life can't stand to spend time with me anymore.

[kirstylouise23]

Hey, I'm with this girl who I absolutely adore, we've been together for 2 years and 3 months, live together, I moved from sheffield to eastbourne so we could be near her family.. our sex life has always been iffy as she's just not interested in passion and intimacy.. but i am.. i always have been and always will be. For me, passion and intimacy is a huge part of a relationship. But lately she really hasnt come anywhere near me in that way for ages and never wants to spend time with me. Shes never wanted space before up until now she's being really stressy and always having a go at me for little things and making me feel awkward. I cant help but feel like she's falling out of love with me.
She is my fulltime carer as I suffer from borderline personality disorder and severe adhd (which makes my head a big mess).
Neither of us work atm,
I need help on how to handle this.. Do i fight for her or give her as much space as she likes? Does it seem like she's falling out of love with me? Am i just being extremely paranoid?
Please Help!! I'm going crazy!! x

[toknow]

If you guys have fights, be careful what you say during those fights because some things you say you can't take back - once you do this, your loved one will see you as a whole different person, and that's where it all ends, when they can't recognize you anymore and can not erase the memories of your hurtful words.

[UnderTheMoon]

I would be kind considering you don't know what she's thinking. Sit down and have a heart to heart, ask her how she has been feeling and explain your feelings. Sometimes we forget to communicate out to our partners and that's just no good. Give that a try and see what happens. It doesn't hurt to do so when you want something to work out with someone you love.

[kirstylouise23]

See that's one of the main problems, she won't talk, won't have a heart to heart.. Just gets angry and stressy.. And moans at me. It's so stressful! I really appreciate your replies btw and that Edgar Allan Poe quote is brilliant!

[klink]

You shouldn't have a relationship with your personal carer.
This relationship is going nowhere. She has never been interested in you.

She just stay with you and take care of you because she feels sorry for you.
Truth hurts but someone has to say it.
You need to get an actual girl friend and stop fancying your carer.

[UnderTheMoon]

See that's one of the main problems, she won't talk, won't have a heart to heart.. Just gets angry and stressy.. And moans at me. It's so stressful! I really appreciate your replies btw and that Edgar Allan Poe quote is brilliant!

That is really terrible then. I would say if it is at that point, maybe you two should go your separate ways for a while. Don't fight about it just do it in a peaceful manner, I know it is hard to have someone say it to you, but it really is something you should consider. I hope though that all finds you well in the end no matter what happens.

Thank you btw for the compliment, Poe was dreary, but I get the guy and his moodiness. Haha.

[basilandthyme]

Her current reactions are very likely to be the result of being your carer. It's too much for one person to be both fulltime carer and partner. She needs breaks from you - and lots of them.

I suggest you find another carer so that your girlfriend can get a job. The time apart while she works will do you both good. Hopefully she's also got hobbies and friends which don't involve you either. In short, just make sure you're not living in each other's pockets.

[kirstylouise23]

So i should step back, let her have her space and take away any pressure that she is feeling.. I don't want to break up with her, i know our relationship can be amazing, cause it has been before, i don't wanna loose her because i love her so much,
im scared of giving her space incase she realises she prefers being without me, our relationship never seems to find middle ground, it's either a huge amount of something or nothing.. So if i give her all the space in the world, what if she realises she prefers it?? I'm so scared, I am 100% in love with her

[basilandthyme]

So if i give her all the space in the world, what if she realises she prefers it?? I'm so scared, I am 100% in love with her

Yes, it might happen. But if you smother her by keeping her close, you could also lose her.

There are no guaranteed methods to make her stay around. But if she does leave, please don't beg her to stay. It's good to have a partner who stays because they love us and not because they feel too guilty to leave.

[kirstylouise23]

It is just so out of the blue.. we've always spent all our time together and we were both very happy with that.. but now suddenly shes like, i want space.... go out..... im going out... and it's just kinda took me by shock.. I can't help but feel it's my fault but she keeps reassuring me she just needs time on her own. I kinda get it but it's making me depressed at the same time so I tend to make comments that I really don't mean to make but it just comes out. :/

[kirstylouise23]

Just like the old saying.. "If you love her let her go" kinda thing? I'd hate to think she's unhappy with me, Coz I do want her to be happy.. Should I let her decide when she has space or should I pitch in with a few suggestions (show that i'm willing to help her pursue her wishes) ?

[UnderTheMoon]

Just give it time. If you love her, you wouldn't want her to feel that way. We hold on tightly and too tightly sometimes when we get scared. You need to let her go, if it doesn't mend, then you did it out of love and respect.

[TablesandChairs]

How does your BPD and ADHD manifest in terms of your reactions to her? My ex best friend had BPD and she was very hard work at times. But each case in different. Still, you might want to consider whether you're doing something that is overwhelming her...even if it's a result of an illness, people will still get just as upset/hurt/annoyed/frustrated.

You said this is her full-time job, meaning she has no external outlets (like a job) so the fact that she needs space is not at all surprising. Also, being a carer isn't the most romantic thing in the world so I think it's natural for certain feelings to fade away, replaced by duty and obligation.

If you want to relationship to survive, you may have to let her go as a carer and have her as your girlfriend only. She could get a job and live her life. If she stays with you, that's great - if she doesn't, well - that's a risk you'll have to take because it would have happened eventually anyway.

[kirstylouise23]

thank you for all your suggestions and comments, i am doing my best to think it all through and i think you are right.. i will try talk to her and get her to speak to me and tell me what she needs and wants

[kirstylouise23]

So it turns out that the cow was on dating websites chatting people up! she broke up with me, broke my heart and is now in love with some guy in the army that she's never even met. I'm stuck here in this stupid town all alone spending my days watching her text every single second of the day. she's absolutely obsessed. she's winding me up so much with it i cry and cry and say i just want at least an hour of her time without her having to look at her phone 24/7
she says im being pathetic and she doesnt wanna chill with me shes happy talking to them and that they make her happy. I expalin that i just feel so lonely here i have nothing to do and nobody to talk to. i just want to spend some time wirh her but she wont even give me ten mins without staring at her phone.
eye contact and a laugh is out of the question
i keep suggesting things like lets watch a film or go for a walk or play a board game but she is jus not intetested in the slightest and shoots me down everytime. she says she still wants to be my friend and doesnt want me to move out but then when i ask for her to chill with me she has a go at me! ridiculous! how can i stop being so angry? it's really frustrating!!