Bothered by a guy (loooooong!!!)

[qwertz]

This is really starting to bother me now, but im not sure whether im over reacting.
Ive known this guy for about 3 years..i know him from my hobby/competition circuit im on, i didnt know him well at first but me and my other friends hang around together and with him at competitions we go to and outside of them. So ive only really known him well for the last 18months. I also happen to work with him (i started working in the same place as him, by chance, last april time)

Oh, and i also think its appropriate that i tell you he is 32 and never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, doesnt drink or go out and the only social life he leads is with me and my friends(we are like the opposite to him!)

Anyway there is always banter going on between me and friends and one day we were talking about a music gig and he was asking whether we liked that sort of music..i was the only one to say yes and one of my friends joked we could go as a date...totally joking when said though, and the conversation ended.
A week later, he was with my friends and i wasnt there, he tells my friend 'ever since you joked about the date with (me) i havnt been able to stop thinking about her, i think im going to ask her out but im not sure whether shes interested'
Well my friends didnt know what to say, so didnt really say anything!

They told me about this (i was shocked.. i really dont like him in that way)
He text me asking if i wanted to meet up for a dog walk(as me and friends do regularly) so i said yes, were the others coming?..he replied he had asked them, so i arranged to meet him and assumed the others would be there....all totally normal..i got there and he said the others had had to cancel cause they were busy..ok fair enough i thought (though i did notice he had had a shave and smelt of cologne..for a dog walk!!!)
We did the usual walk and everything was normal, it got to the end and back to the cars and he said 'i havnt been able to stop thinking about you since last week, do you want to go for a meal sometime' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well i responded by saying that it would be good if all of us could meet up and go out together, and i have to go as running late. so it finished with that.(trying to hint, and let him down gently)

2 weeks later we have a competition together, ive heard nothing since so assumed he had got the message....not so lucky- he gets me on my own and ask if i want to go to see a band with him the next week..i say i cant im busy(this was before he even said what day it was on!)
later on the same day he also says again 'i cant stop thinking about you'
At this point i said to him 'im flattered that you like me, but we are too incompatible people, im a bitch to be with, i'deat you alive and there is no way you could handle me' this was sort of tongue in cheek, me trying to not let the situation get too serious, but make sure he got the message. That was that, the conversation ended.

A week later i get a tx saying 'I have feelings for you, ive never felt like this before'
I respond by saying 'your wasting your time, i dont want to fall out with you but you are crossing a line'

All went quiet and i didnt see him for a couple of weeks (we hardly see each other at work )

He then catches me leaving work and says he still cant get me out of his head- i told him he should and i have to go.

(so far ive not got angry with him, and not been very 'stern' in the way ive told him as i didnt wanna be too horrible)
At this point i was starting to get a little annoyed and creeped out that he wouldnt get the message (all the while he was telling my friends how he 'felt' about me)

Last week i found a hand delivered letter on my floor.
It was from him and basically said (over 4 pages!!) the he has feelings for me and has never felt this way about anyone before, and he cant understand why its such a bad thing, oh and he hopes it doesnt make things awkward between us etc etc.

Well i was gobsmacked..it was like something a 16 yr old would do..but then i dont know any 16yr old that would do that!!!!

He then text asking if i had go the letter. I didnt reply.

I saw him for the first time since the letter on saturday at a comp..he tried talking to me like normal..i replied to what he asked but tbh i was rude and short with him, i felt totally uncomfortable.
He said to my friend he didnt understand why i was so off with him- she tried to point it out but he wasnt interested and walked off in a 'huff'

I was sat in the viewing gallery with my friend and he walked up and said bye as he was leaving, but as he didnt he sort of squeezed my knee and smiled..the walked off quickly before i could react..as if he knew i would have something to say about it. It made me gag as it felt so pervy.

I saw him at work yesterday..i was in the lab area working and he put his hand on my shoulder and said hi, i said to stop touching me and he is really freaking me out and that i think its better if we keep our distance..i then walked off.

He opened up to one of our friends last night and she has just told me that he isnt sleeping at all and cant stop thinking about me, is in love with me cant concentrate etc etc..all because of me.

I dont know what to do, he just doesnt seem to get the message and its making everything so awkward between me and my friends aswell.

Oh, and some of the time he has been 'obsessed' with me ive had a bf and that hasnt put him off contacting me.

Sorry its so long!!

[qwertz]

oh i forgot to say...on the dog walk bit it turns out he didnt even ask my friends or tell them about it. so he was lying.

[Primo]

Maybe he saw you bend over and caught a glimpse of your tattoo disappearing into the top of your thong and he's hooked?

Seriously, if he's a nice guy and just behaving weird with you, maybe find another girl for him. It may help distract him. You should move this to the main board for other opinions too...

[qwertz]

Lol

My other friends took him speed dating, but he wasnt interested..kept going on about me!!
He is a nice guy, but he just wont get the message and im not sure how to get it accross to him.

I'll ask a mod to move it...i just thought its not 'love advice' i need as such lol.

[Primo]

You're probably just going to have to blow him off completely and be even more rude if he doesn't stop. Your friends should also let him know and if he continues they too should stop hanging around him.

Once he's ostracized from your group, since that's his only friends, maybe he'll shape up.

[qwertz]

That feels so mean to do that though..and i know my firends are feeling awkward as they are stuck in the middle.

I dont wanna hurt his feelings..

[Heratriumphant]

I really hate to say this, but you need to start treating this guy as a potential danger. He's showing some real red flags.

Lying, manipulating situations to get you alone, unwelcome touching, ignoring your refusals, obsesive thinking, sneaking around your home (to deliver the letter) all of these are really BAD signs.

Just be careful.

[girl68]

I think you've been more than fair. It's time to be even more rude. He obviously isn't getting the message to piss off. He still thinks with some good hard convincing that he can win you over. Time to shut him down completely.

Tell him if you are pushed further you will be required to take action. Harrassment in the work place or whatever. Especially the touching that stops yesterday.

[qwertz]

I really hate to say this, but you need to start treating this guy as a potential danger. He's showing some real red flags.

Lying, manipulating situations to get you alone, unwelcome touching, ignoring your refusals, obsesive thinking, sneaking around your home (to deliver the letter) all of these are really BAD signs.

Just be careful.

I really dont think he is a danger, he is a really nice guy, but with no social skills.

I think you've been more than fair. It's time to be even more rude. He obviously isn't getting the message to piss off. He still thinks with some good hard convincing that he can win you over. Time to shut him down completely.

Tell him if you are pushed further you will be required to take action. Harrassment in the work place or whatever. Especially the touching that stops yesterday.

Thing is, hes said to our friends that he knows he has no chance with me, yet he still behaves the way he does..i dunno, maybe im just over thinking his behaviours..

[girl68]

No, you're not. He's crossed the line several times now. Don't start thinking he's just being sweet, and trying to chase a girl. This is totally inappropriate behaviour.

[Heratriumphant]

Okay, but Ed Gein was considered a really nice guy with no social skills too... Until people discovered his hobbies included making human skin lamp shades.

Just sayin'

On a serious note I think you're going to have to bluntly tell him that you do not like how he's acting toward you.

[qwertz]

ok well im leaving work now..he usually leaves at thiss time so if i see him i will tell him bluntly..if im not back on this eve, you know ive been murdered and put in the boot of his car <jk!> lol

[qwertz]

well as expected i saw him leaving work, i basically said that we will be nothing more than friends and there never has or will be anything more.
He just stood there saying 'ok' then walked off and said 'see you tomorrow'

2 mins later i get a text saying 'i dont understand why its such a bad thing me having feelings for you, we have been really close and i thought something was developing between us. If you like we can go out to dinner tomorrow to talk about things?'

That was the message word for word.....WTF!!!?

[all alone]

Okay, i wouldn't hes a danger or wtv, but theres only one thing you can do at this pt. He hasn't listened to your discussions or anything, so talking to him at supper or wtv wont work. Usually guys in this situations bow back politely, but you need to take charge and do both of you guys a solid.

You must avoid him completely, minimize any and all communication with him. Pull this off for a month, and it should help him get you off his mind. It's for the best rly if you do avoid him.

[girl68]

Text him: "absolutely not"

Word for word.