trying to understand

[Lost_in_dark]

Hello.
I'm 35, male, single, and always have been. As time goes on I sometimes run into people I knew as children at school, now with families of their own, and see work collegagues and friends have relationships, and eventually settle down.

I have never once had a woman interested in me. I have never once either felt angry at that fact, as it is clearly something wrong with me. There is no way to reach this age in this situation, without it becoming obvious.

I am in no way mr perfect, nor do I pretend to be. i try to be nice and kind and considerate at all times. I do not believe in faking things, if I do ever find a woman who is interested in me, I want it to be for who i really am, not some fake persona I've put on to chat her up.
I am very ugly. I learned that the hard way, but I see other people who generally wouldn't be considered attractive who have partners. I used to think my appearance was the main reason for my failiure, but I don't think so anymore. It has to be something else.
Sometimes I get told by women I know that "I'm really nice and should have a girlfriend", but it's always for somebody else, they're never interested in me themselves.

I am finding it virtually impossible anymore to feel any optimism about the situation. I am finding it harder and harder to go out and see friends, even neigbours, as my situation is sticking out increasingly with each passing year. I feel ashamed of myself for never being good enough.

I cannot figure out exactly what is wrong. Even if I could just understand, if it wouldn't change the problem, it would be better, as I would at least know why it is the way it is.
I am feeling that it's almost something built into me, like a bad aura or something. I see men who are horrible to their wives & girlfriends, who seem to have no trouble being loved, but somehow despite everything, I cannot find anybody to give me the vaguest of chances. In this comparative situation, I do not understand why I have never been able to find somebody to even give me a chance.

If there's any clues you can give me, I'd like to know.

Thank you for your help.

[Bumble_bee]

Hi Lost in Dark,You say you have always been single, have you dated?

I think if you give a little more info on your dating history someone might be able to help.

[Lost_in_dark]

Hi Bumbe Bee,
No, I've never dated. Literally always been on my own. I did have a very close female friend once who was the closest I had to a proper relationship. I lived with her for a while, and that was nice. I learned a lot, and love her very much, but like a sister. That is the closest I've ever come.

[Bumble_bee]

So you persue women but none of them seem to be interested? I'm just trying to understand where your conclusion has come from...so if you have never dated, why is it you feel this way, are you basing this on the women in your friend circle?

It might be nothing to do with aura either, but everthing to do with your confidence levels, it will be how you appear, and if you are lacking in confidence is naturally not going to attract people to you.

I think if you explore the reasons why you have kept yourself away from the dating game. you will also begin to realise that you are judging yourself way too soon, without ever having been rejected, how do you know you will be, aren't the ladies supposed to decide?

I know it is hard putting yourself up as bate like that, but this is the only way to get some perspective on this, by actually being out there trying to date and it really comes down to how/where you position yourself -are you accomplished everywhere else in your life and displaying confidence, are you going out on a regular basis to meet women..

[Lost_in_dark]

Confidence is not something i feel. it's hard to explain. I don't feel as if I do or don't feel it, it's just not there in any capacity. Like a feeling or emotion I don't have.

Regarding rejections, yes I've had a lot. I've even been rejected by a girl who thought I was after her wneh I wasn't, who had previously been a friend until she thought I was intersted in her. It was a very bad blow, realizing that I didn't even to make any moves to drive someone off. It still hurts a lot.

I have not in the strict sense kept myself off the dating game until the last couple of years, where I have become increasingly self-concious of my situation. It's just something that's never happened.
There is never any 'spark'. I used to go out, and I also meet a lot of women in work related situations, and I see toehrs chatting, talking and the 'spark' of interest and attraction is plainly visible. i can often see other people's relationships coming before they can, and have been responsible for a few pairings over the years. But despite this, a woman's 'spark' of interest in me never fires. Ever. As I mentioned in my first post, I get told by some that I shoud have a girlfriend, but they never want to be that girlfriend themselves.

[miSSleepy]

Maybe you don't come across as interested yourself. Being nice isn't enough, it's all about how you present yourself through your body language and what you say...mostly through body language.

Maybe you're too busy waiting for women to come to you, or at least appear that way to others. From your post, you sound well spoken and intelligent. Use that, be the aggressor, initiate contact between a woman and yourself (but don't sound as melancholy as you do here!).