So hurt i feel like i wanna die

[miserable]

I am a 36 year old woman. I have been divorced for awhile. I decided to try the online dating scene. I had a couple profiles and talked to alot of different men. I had a few dates then I metEric online. We talked for months and he begged me to go out with him. I finally met him for dinner in Nov o8. We had a good time and then we went back to talking until Feb 09. In Feb we started seeing each other on a more serious basis. Spending nights together and meeting my kids. Things were going well. In fact i had never had such goodchemistry with anyone. about 3 months ago we talked about wanting a child and decided to try. I trusted and loved Eric so much I never seen this coming. I became pregnant and he was so happy. Things were going good until his family found out i was pg. He told me he wanted to wait till the right time to tell his family. I trusted him and felt there must be a reason. Three weeks ago a former friend of mine who is nosey decided to contact Erics sister on myspace. She told his family i was pregnant. I didnt know what was going on but that day he acted really funny. Later that night he texted me and said will u have a abortion and i want this over. I was in total shock. Two days before he was laying in my bed, i made him breakfast, all the lovey dovey and even played with my kids outside. A complete 360. I was so hurt. I tried to call, he changed his cell number, So i wrote his sister and asked her was this a family thing. Why would Eric do this? She told me he had some oxygen loss at birth and that he had the mind of a 15 yr old. She said he hid it well. I never seen this side. I told her of the man I knew. She was like wow i didnt think he could love like that. She talked about how happy he was on the phone with me and how excited she was to meet me. That he had not brought a girl home for 13 years. I told her how much i loved him and that i would accept him no matter what. She told me he couldnt be a father and husband. I told her that the man i knew could. That Eric is not independant. I dont know bu the man i knew was. He works, makes rent and car payments. Anyway I tried to contact him telling him how much i loved him and i accpeted him the way it was. About 2 days ago I got a message with his phone number from some dude. He had been messing with some chic on myspace and the boyfriend got mad and told me as he thought i was still with Eric. Well I texted it he tried to tell me he was Brad. Finally I sent him a message . He replied to me I DONT LOVE U, I DONT MISS YOU AND NO WE CANT START A NEW. Telling me to find someone else and please move on cause he has. Well I looked to my closest friends. I had decided in my own mind that he was either scared or his family did this. So for the last 2 weeks i have waited hoping he would come back. I dont see how he can throw this away. He told me iwas the best gf he ever had. We were so happy. Anyway he got on his myspace and seen a note i wrote him a week ago. He didnt realize it was old. You see after the texts of him telling me i dont love u, i didnt want this baby, i dont miss you, how can i be with someoe i dont love and etc I told myself i would just disappear and see what happens. Well he didnt realize that note was old and he sent me a message. It read HEY I HAVE TOLD U OVER AND OVER I DONT LOVE U I DONT MISS U AND NO WE CANT START THIS OVER. YOU NEED TO MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEOINE WHO WILL LOVE U, BE THERE FOR YOU, CAUSE I DONT. He said please move on as i have moved on. Well I was like wow hes telling me again and i had not even spoke to him. So i texted him back, telling him hey that message was before we texted. I quit trying yesterday and me and the baby are out of your life for good. His reply was Thank You. I have two close female friends. One tells me this guy is a piece of crap and i need to forget. The other one went thru this with her first baby, She waited for him. He did come back. So im torn up on what to do. I love eric and i dont know what to think. I told him he wouldnt find someone to love him the way i do and his reply was how do i know i wont find someone else to make me happy? I also found out he was talkin to other girls online most of the time we were together. Any advice on this? pLEASE AND THANK U

[Bumble_bee]

I am sorry you are going through this. May I ask, have you decided if you are keeping the baby?

I don't know this man, so I can only go on what your saying here, and I think you will do just fine without him. What he did was cold and heartless, and he has shown he has a mind of a teenager just by dismissing in all of this that HE too has a baby on the way.

Be strong, keep your loved ones close at this time, and be good to yourself. You are also a mummy to your other little ones, and they still need you. Don't let him drag you down.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing. best wishes

[miserable]

Thank you Bumble Bee.I am keeping the baby as I cant do what he wanted me to. I am trying to keep going but it is very hard.

[IndiReloaded]

First, I am sorry for your experience.

That said, your experience was by choice, in the sense that you are an adult and made decisions as an adult. Bringing a child into the world isn't something THEY get to ask about.

Raising a child alone is very difficult. Are you at least financially secure?

Children should only be brought into this world when parent(s) have a good situation to offer the child. You have choices. Think very hard about the quality of life your baby will have before making a final decision about what you want to do.

Good luck.

BTW, I agree that this guy's attitude is terrible. But, that only makes this coming child's situation that much more difficult.

[Bumble_bee]

I have to say, I think you are an incredibly brave woman, and from the way you handled letting him meet your kids, I have no doubt you will continue to put them and your new born first. What you may find difficult is keeping things together emotionally inside.

Because of the way things have happened with your situation, it is extremely important that you give yourself and your kids the best chance possible, wherever there is support grab it, whenever you feel low, acknowledge it and seek a friendly shoulder, whatever it takes to keep you from feeling helpless. If you let it take over you now, you have a high chance of developing PP depression.

If you ever need support you will find it here, but make sure you keep a network of people around you, to help with the kids, to talk to etc.

Please come back whenever you feel like this, and maybe seek help from your GP.
Best wishes to you and your little ones.

[miserable]

My best friend in the world decided to write him on myspace to tell him that she was going to make sure he paid child support. I have to say i was not even thinking that at this point. I guess i am too busy hurting. Well the lettert she wrote him angered him and he texted me. I didnt believe him at first so he said he would forward it to me. We texted and i suggested that this was btwn us and not me and him and my best friend and his family. He agreed and he wanted to talk on the phone. He called, oh it was so hard to not cry, but i held it in. I told him i was not trying to get him back and he told me that he wanted to know what was going to happen with the child support. We talked about this and he is now telling me he was unhapy for two months before this. I asked him why didnt u tell me before i got pregnant then? His famous answer is I dont know. I asked why he kept me around for so long when i know now that he was in fact talking to other girls. The girls he was approaching didnt take the bait and so he didnt meet any of them. I asked him if they would of said yes would u have met them? He said probably. He told me that he lied to me about 30 times or so. he basically tried to tell me if i went for child support he wanted to see the kid. I said well if u see this baby it would be here where i live, as no judge is going to let you take a newbie away from me and i was going to breastfeed. He said well i dont know if i want to see it or not. I told him that in my heart the baby was conceived out of love at least on my part as i wasnt playing a game. I also explained to him all that his sister had told me and he tried to say it was not true. So now its looking like he didnt leave over the baby? Im so confused. It seems he was seeing me, having sex with me , which he says was the truest part of this relationship and trying to hook up with someone else at the same time. I didnt cry on the phone and im proud of that. I didnt want him to know how much i loved him. I did say to him that i was consuidering naming this baby after him , he kept saying why? I said it this way. Someday when you really love someone and they hurt you over and over and you hope they change and u still love them, at that moment you will know why i wanted to name this baby after you. Am i nuts? I still love him and i cannot understand why. Could this be a hormonal thing because i am pregnant? Thanks for listening to me

[Bumble_bee]

well, you didn't see this coming, and there is no switch for it is there.

That part will take time, to get over him, to trust again etc. What will not wait is the decisions you have to make for yourself and for your baby. It is completely up to you what you name your baby, but I do think naming your baby after the father is your way of hanging on to what is not.

You are experienced enough to know that this feeling will pass. And when your baby is born, I hope he/she gives you all the fulfilment you need, until you are ready to love and trust again. But as I said before, no matter how hard it gets, make sure you have a support network around you, for your own well being, but also for you kids to have the happy mummy they deserve.


all the best

[IndiReloaded]

Not to make light of the emotion surrounding the situation, but Bumblebee seems to have this covered. You have some serious thinking to do, tho.

Miserable: What is your financial situation? Are you actually capable of bringing another child into the world and raising it responsibly? Or are you planning on being a welfare mom at 36 years old?

Also, remember that this child will always tie you to the man-child-father as well. Including if/when you meet a decent partner you want to build a life with. Men tend to run from baggage, and a newborn at 36 years old will not improve your chances to find a suitable mate. You should also think of the impact on your current children.

You have choices. Please make sure you are making them having considered ALL aspects of the problem. Today, tomorrow, and 5 - 10 years from now.

Good luck.

[miserable]

Not to make light of the emotion surrounding the situation, but Bumblebee seems to have this covered. You have some serious thinking to do, tho.

Miserable: What is your financial situation? Are you actually capable of bringing another child into the world and raising it responsibly? Or are you planning on being a welfare mom at 36 years old?

Also, remember that this child will always tie you to the man-child-father as well. Including if/when you meet a decent partner you want to build a life with. Men tend to run from baggage, and a newborn at 36 years old will not improve your chances to find a suitable mate. You should also think of the impact on your current children.

You have choices. Please make sure you are making them having considered ALL aspects of the problem. Today, tomorrow, and 5 - 10 years from now.

Good luck.

Hello, I have two jobs right now and I am in online college. This wont be easy but i have raised my other kids on my own as well. I am not a welfare mom but I do know some people who have had to seek help for different reasons. You see i was trying to protect him from all that but ppl tell me i shouldnt. That he should pay. I was not looking for money when this happened and i never have looked for money when i was searching for a companion. I do know men do not like baggage and I am not so sure i am going to ever try again.

[IndiReloaded]

I mean no offense. I do think your situation is awful.

The reason I asked about your finances is b/c if you are secure, then you could just cut all ties w/this man & raise your child on your own. Why would you force this interaction on someone who so obviously wants nothing to do with you or this baby?

Its not like you are some clueless 17-year old girl who finds herself pregnant. You are 36, you are working and you know already about raising children as a single parent. Since you seem set on keeping this baby, you need to at least ensure you are protecting him/her to the best of your ability. Do you really want the custody and visitation issues that will arise with insisting on keeping this child-man in the loop? He sucks. He sounds completely irresponsible. He has already damaged you and I cannot see how he will be any better for this child.