She loves me but isn't in love with me??

[F1fever]

Hi, I really hope someone can help me out a bit because i`m so down and confused.
I`m in a long distance relationship and we have been for 5 years now, obviously there have been bumps before but things were good.
All this year we have been trying to think about being together properly and getting a flat, one of the main worries of our relationship and the cause of a few of the afforementioned "bumps." Basically we both work and she lives in an area just north of London which means it costs twice as much per month to live there than here so in principle we agreed to move here (more tree's here too!)
She now just seems really nervous because we need to look for somewhere but never get weekday time together to do it. She's also worried about leaving the place she grew up and works.... thing is the place has treated her so badly (more the people in it) she has often called me in bits saying she needs to get out.

Wen she worries about things, she clams up and ends up saying things she apologises for a week or so later, it's not nice but I love her and understand what she's going through when she tells me.

But when she came over this weekend she was really tired ad wouldn't let me near her, before telling me she wasn't sure about us anymore and she loves me but isn't in love with me. I don't know what this means. Se's my first Love (i`m 23) and have never wanted to be with anyone else and love her completely. I just don't understand what to do, this isn't really something I want to talk about on the fone when we're apart and she clams up if I try and talk to her when I see her.

Please.... some advice may help to soothe my mind and give me a clue how to handle this...I love her too much to lose!

Carl xx

[PandaCivic]

hey carl,
just letting you know, I and probably more people on here have gone through that. not only are you scared of what's going to happen, you also know what is going to happen and just don't want to accept it. i'm sorry to break the news to you but you're girl is afraid of how she's feeling about you. i'm not going to assume things because i don't know the whole story but from what you are saying, it seems that she's falling out of love. when she says that she still loves you, it's the kind of love that a brother has for a sister or a friend to a friend. it's not the love that a girlfriend has for a boyfriend anymore. what happed for her to think this? did you stay away from her so long that someone else stole her heart? sometimes when a guy isn't around, the girl finds love elsewhere, not purposely but accidentally some of the time. when a girl is needing someone to just be there, someone will end up being the one she will be interested in. i hope this makes sense.
and also if you love her, and you don't want to lose her, what if she doesn't want to be with you anymore but feels that she needs to be with you for you to be happy, will that make things better? will it make you feel good knowing that she's with you only for the fact that she feels guilty? talk to her, find out what she wants, find out what makes her happy, and then tell her what makes you happy as well. don't force being with her just for the fact that you love her, you also have to make sure she loves you the same way. good luck!

[jslaughter]

I have an opinion but I don't think you're going to like it. I can't soothe your mind - the fact that she is unsure what she is feeling is not a very good sign, but if you love her and want to be with her do exactly the OPPOSITE of what you think you should do - do not corner her and force the issue, give her a little time and space to breath and think about things. Hopefully you respecting her enough not to force yourself on her while she is confused will bring her around and make her realize how much she loves you. However, there is a chance that nothing is going to bring her back around - its possible that she has actually made up her mind and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Good Luck and keep us posted-
J

[PandaCivic]

i agree with jslaughter. you can't really change a girls mind once it's set. if she has iffy feelings, chances are that she's had these feelings for a while now.

[F1fever]

I`m not sure she has completely made up her mind about anything... just swimming around in confusion.

We have still been talking and really well too at times, laughing and giggling like forever but if I bring it up then she clams up. I know there is a chance that I may lose her, but She is the one for me, and until a week ago she still said I was the one for her. Maybe she's not as ready to move on as me, and is just scared of being hurt... even though she knows i`ll never hurt her.

If she did leave, sure it would hurt like hell but as long as we we're still friends I could survive, I just want to know what to do to let her know i`m there for her and want her back without appearing to be pressuring her.
We're going on holiday together next Wednesday so i`m worried about how that will go.

xxx