Fiance and His Mother

[CocoChanel]

I am so sick of his mother that I don't know what to do anymore. She makes cracks on my heritage, she hardly ever has anything nice to say and she is just super snobbish. He says these things about her too but I feel as though he should defend me more. I can tell it pisses him off when she says certain things but he never says anything. When I try to defend myself... he gets mad at me and tell me to just ignore her. When his father was alive... he would stand up for me because she would try to embarrass me in front of their family. When I ask her why doesn't she like me... she told me because I am not right for her son and he needs a lady not a tomboy and risk-taker. Her son needs longevity.

Sigh... I don't know how to go about having a talk with him about this... again. When I talk to him Saturday he got annoyed. She called him while we were in bed resting and said she needed to bring him a check to deposit in one of his accounts. He stressed to her that we were spending time together all weekend and he would visit with her Monday. She said she would only be 5 minutes so he told her to come over. When I answer the door... she rolled her eyes and pushed pass me. I was so angry I went into my bedroom and just waited for her to leave. I laid down but I dosed off. Woke up an hour or so later and she was still here. I went to the restroom and she was talking about me to him. He didn't respond to anything he said. I went back into my room. I was upset. When he came into the bedroom I tried to talk about it then and he said "Why are you asking me so many questions? Are you trying to get on my nerves too?" and he walked away. I followed him out and once she saw me... she said well I'll be leaving. With that being said... she left.

She left a mess in my kitchen! I almost had a fit when i saw it! He instantly started explaining. He went on and on about how he was trying to get her to leave but she wouldn't. He said he told her we had reservations for a restaurant and she said, oh well if you are hungry I'll cook. So she just went in my cabinets and cooked some crap. I wanted to talk about it again even though I had annoyed him earlier but he kissed me and said he was sorry for being snappy his mother was just driving him crazy. He started throwing the food out because he hates his mother's cooking. One thing we both laugh about! LOL! I wanted to talk to him about it more though... but when? How should I go about this?

[FullofSighs]

Well in some ways he is right, you really just need to ignore her. She is just an over protective mom that will probably keep doing that, even if you were the perfect girl for him in her eyes. And he is probably acting that way to keep from hurting his mom since his dad died. From what you say, i bet he is under a great deal of stress about it, and wishes she would just shut up and gtfo of his life, but seeing as its his mother, thats not possible. So just let time pass by and wait for her to die of old age or something and then you can PARTY!!!

[Junket]

So wait.

Are you back with that guy, or what?

[Charlie Boy II]

can't you tell? the bitchin' has started again.

[Junket]

can't you tell? the bitchin' has started again.

Quiet, you.

This is the 4th or 5th time I've asked her and she still hasn't responded to me.

[Indignant]

i know many moms who are greatly disapponted in their sons' choice of women. imagine giving birth to a child, raising him for 15-20 years, giving him most of your life and then they go and start seeing whoever. most moms that really do care have some sort of an ideal woman that they would like their sons to be with. and you can't blame them for it. try to be respectful and to relate to her somehow and try to prove that you are worthy of her son.

[CocoChanel]

i know many moms who are greatly disapponted in their sons' choice of women. imagine giving birth to a child, raising him for 15-20 years, giving him most of your life and then they go and start seeing whoever. most moms that really do care have some sort of an ideal woman that they would like their sons to be with. and you can't blame them for it. try to be respectful and to relate to her somehow and try to prove that you are worthy of her son.

Thanks! That's what me and him have been trying to figure out... what is the problem? He thinks it's my race (obviously because she makes cracks on my heritage all the time) and he thinks it has a lot to do with that I grew up differently than he did. Okay so I'm not rich and I grew up in Hawaii and Chicago. I like football and I drink Heinekins. She doesn't think I am ladylike. So how should I prove to her I am worthy of her son?

[Sonrisa]

Thanks! That's what me and him have been trying to figure out... what is the problem? He thinks it's my race (obviously because she makes cracks on my heritage all the time) and he thinks it has a lot to do with that I grew up differently than he did. Okay so I'm not rich and I grew up in Hawaii and Chicago. I like football and I drink Heinekins. She doesn't think I am ladylike. So how should I prove to her I am worthy of her son?

since you are not a girl anymore, i would SERIOUSLY suggest taking an etiquette class. it really pays off to give special attention to his mom, and never say negative about her in Anako's presence. You will be gaining a lot more respect from both of them. A little butt kissing goes a long way when it comes to moms.

[CocoChanel]

LOL! Hush I am a girl! I clean up well and when I go to those upper class events I do well. But what do they teach you etiquette class?? I don't think I ever take one before.

I don't know how far I should go with this. I don't ever say anything negative about her... he does that and always has. He always apologizes for her when she is gone and he gets so heated with her. One time he punch a wall because of something she said to his Father's Mother once. That's why I get confused when he won't at least just say to her... Please don't disrespect her or something!

[Sonrisa]

his mom is a figure of authority and if he says anything to defend you then he will be on bad terms with her. thus it's easier to listen through all of that complaining that to stand up for you. little boys will always be afraid of their moms no matter how old they are. and there's nothing with it. if he didn't respect her than he'd be a completely different person that you might not like in the first place.

[CocoChanel]

Okay good point because I wouldn't think highly of him if he were mean to his Mom. I know my mom can be a pill but I wouldn't disrespect her in anyway.

[Sonrisa]

Etiquette, hmmm. well, besides the art of dining. you have to always relax your face when around her and have a silly smile on your face. agree with anything that she says. and always make sure that you have sweets and chocolate when she comes over and offer her tea within 5 minutes of her coming over. even if she dares criticize you to your face, make sure that you say how correct she is and how you need to start taking control on whatever she decides to criticize.

[CocoChanel]

You know.. that actually sounds like it would be fun. LOL! I'm going to try that the next time she comes over... which is Wednesday and Friday. Some of Anako's family from Italy are coming to visit and I know she is going to come over too.

[Junket]

never say negative about her in Anako's presence

Anako...

Hey now Coco, that sounds familiar.

Didn't you date a guy with the same name, before?

[CocoChanel]

Anako...

Hey now Coco, that sounds familiar.

Didn't you date a guy with the same name, before?

zzzzZZzzzZZzzzz.