girlfriend losing sexual interest because i'm sick

[collegestudent]

hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months now, and we're both DIII athletes at a top-tier academic school. as some background: (i'm very glad this is anonymous right about now)

my girlfriend had some eating problems in high school, and she still battles with the feelings that made her choose that lifestyle, although she's a healthy and beautiful woman that treats herself well now. I've been there for her several times when she felt that way again, and have tried my best to be a resource to her when and if she ever needs or wants me because of any bodily insecurities.
in the last few months, i've been rather sick. i've been on several rounds of antibiotics to get rid of a chronic sinus infection that don't leave me feeling my best. i haven't been able to workout nearly as much, and as such have gained around 4 or 5 pounds. i'm definitely sensitive about it because i usually take pride in my body, but considering that i'm 6'5, and that i'm sure i can lose it, i'm trying not to stress it much. i recently i found out that i have to get a septoplasty to correct my sinus infection, something that will essentially take me out of the equation for almost a month if i'm lucky, and to say the least, i'm not happy with it.

last night my girlfriend and I got into a fight. we're both very sexual people, but in the last month or so, it's come down to me doing most, if not all, of the work in bed. while she has insisted that she still enjoys having sex, i've spoken nicely with her about how she seems more submissive lately than enthusiastic about it, as she was before. we don't do it nearly as much as before, and i'm not a guy that's going to leave my girlfriend of almost 8 months over something so childish as that, but i think it's just a bearing on how our relationship is going downhill, which causes me real concern. last night when i asked her why she doesn't show the same enthusiasm, she said it was because i wasn't in as good of shape anymore. no apology, no i'm really sorry but this is how i feel, more of a spiteful tone if i had to label it. needless to say, it pissed me off.

i'd like to stress that while she may have chosen to be sexual with me less, i've continued in my actions from when we both agreed was our sexual prime. i give her more pleasure than any other guy she's ever been with, her words, not mine. and it takes effort, but i'm happy to do it. while she clearly enjoys it, she has little desire to reciprocate.

when she told me she wasn't as sexually interested in me anymore, my first reaction was to blame it on myself. i'm sick, and i'm not in the best of shape, that's a fact. i'd like to think that my girl is there for me when i hit on hard times, but after last night i just don't know. am i overreacting? i mean if you don't want to reciprocate at least tell me in advance so i don't spend all of my time pleasuring you while expecting something in return, only to be disappointed over and over. it seems like i'm the only one suffering in this situation, and that pisses me off. i don't mean to bring her down with me, but i feel like she's just adding to it, and that's not love. that's selfish. i've tried to explain this to her but i can't seem to get it across. any suggestions?

[vashti]

Wait, you are saying she doesn't like sex with you because you have put on 4 or 5 pounds, and you are 6'5" tall?

Uhh, sorry, but that is bullshit. You can't even SEE 4-5 pounds on someone so tall. Something else is up.

[kbee]

Yep, that was my first thought, too. I would argue that you can't even tell 10 pounds on a frame that tall. She's making up an excuse for something else she doesn't want to tell you. Or, she just never was normally that much into sex, but ramped it up when you two first got together. Sometimes in a new relationship, women are very sexually active because it's new and fun and exciting. Then, it simmers way down, especially if she normally does not have much of a drive. Maybe she's been trying to keep up the same pace this long despite really not having the same desire she had initially, but she didn't want to hurt your feelings or come across as disinterested.

Whatever is going on, you are being mature by talking with her and trying to get her to open up. Most guys would just get angry, decide they don't give a sh!t and just leave. If you love her, ask her again-- and tell her you are giving her another chance, that you want to work toward a resolutionm and need to know why she has been behaving the way she was.

It may be that with the chronic sinus infection, you've had horrible breath, and she hasn't wanted to kiss you or get close to you for fear of getting sick. But the weight thing is BS.