Mutual break up?

[FiveOhFour]

I'd first like to say hello. I've been a member of this forum since 2004 I believe, but don't use my previous username since I don't want anyone to recognize me; just incase.

Well, my girlfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years now. We have lived together for abour 4 years, and have had three break ups. Last night, was almost the fourth....

We got into an arguement about her having to drive herself to Jury Duty because it's her responsibility. We live almost an hour away from the courthouse and I don't find it fair that I had to drive her and wait for her there. But that's a different story. The conflict was about her family. I've never been the type of guy who gets close to family. I barely say two words to my parents, and my sister and I don't talk to each other anymore. As for her family, they're stubborn, ignorant, and think everyone is against them in some way. They're the type of people that give you a dirty look on the street if they don't like the way you look. I mostly don't get along with her sisters, one older and one younger. The older sister is just a bitch so I avoid her at all costs. The younger one always talks shit...for no reason sometimes. I told my girlfriend that I want to stay away from your sisters because I can't ever see myself getting along with them. Just listening to them makes me sick to my stomach and I want to run away. She finds that a problem, obviously. My girlfriend is the type of girl that if someone can't get along with one of her family members, they she's out. Mind you, she's known this for 4.5 years and she still hasn't left for good.

As for last night, she found is best to have a mutual break up due to the fact that we're total opposites. She's a family person, I'm not. She loves to be around people, I don't too much. She's always laughing and smiling, I'm more calm and laid back. I want to do everything I can to work things out with her, even if I have to see her stupid sisters. Now, I've agreed to a lot of things. She wants me to be more open minded, then I'll go ahead and try. She wants me to get along with her family, then I'll try; but not 100% guarentee. There's things I want her to do as well, that she's agreed to. We sort of made an agreement at the end and promised each other that we'd work things out once agian.

My question is; Are we wasting our time trying? I love her to death, but I understand her point of view in the fact that we're completely different. She wants to be with me, but she finds it best if we're not together anymore. Though I changed her mind and hopefully for good, I'm starting to think that maybe she was right. Maybe it really isn't going to work out. We'd make awesome best friends, but I want more than that. I'm not willing to throw a 4.5 year relationship away just for something so stupid. I wish it was just her and me. What do you think?

[Gigabitch]

You probably already know what I think, but here it is again: For a relationship to work, you have to grow together and I see you growing apart. You're being asked to change WHO you are, not how you are.

Breakups happen all the time. They're not a huge tragedy. Usually, they're for the best. How much you love each other has very little to do with how compatible you are.

[Incognito]

So, without knowing all the details, I'd say that this has been a 4.5 year learning experience and that it is time for it to end. If in 4.5 years you still don't get along with her sisters (for reasons that are totally understandable) you probably never will. Since family is so important to her this will always be a problem in your relationship. I wouldn't simply write this off as a "stupid" problem. People who are "big on family" value their family's opinion and I'm sure that if problems arose between you two they would all jump to her side even if she was dead wrong. Believe it or not family can sometimes break a relationship. Most people wouldn't stay with someone just because they get along with that person's family, but many people are broken up or divorced because of negative interactions with family members that influenced the relationship.

Also, remember that opposites attract, but sometimes it just doesn't work because of issues that both people feel strongly about.

[cmacattack1]

As for last night, she found is best to have a mutual break up due to the fact that we're total opposites. She's a family person, I'm not. She loves to be around people, I don't too much. She's always laughing and smiling, I'm more calm and laid back. I want to do everything I can to work things out with her, even if I have to see her stupid sisters. Now, I've agreed to a lot of things. She wants me to be more open minded, then I'll go ahead and try. She wants me to get along with her family, then I'll try; but not 100% guarentee. There's things I want her to do as well, that she's agreed to. We sort of made an agreement at the end and promised each other that we'd work things out once agian.

I remember my ex girlfriend getting on me for not being a good communicator (more of "Why won't you call and talk to me? That's all I want."). I used lines like yours: "Oh I'll try, but I'm not promising." That's basically saying you are going to try for a couple of weeks but ultimately fail. You plan on failing. It reflects how much your heart is into this. How much are you really willing to try? If you love this woman and you want it to work, are you willing to put your 100 percent into any suggestion for an improvement in the relationship?

If your heart isn't in it, by all means follow the advice about breaking up with her. If you really want this to work, if you really want this to happen, you have to listen to your partner and try what she is suggesting. She might have to also reciprocate, which isn't in your control. Would it kill you to be more open, and friendly and laugh more with her? It sounds like she likes to have alot of fun, is the fun gone from your relationship?

Maybe all the sudden pulling a one eighty and being all nice with her family might set off the red flags for them but if you really work and are consistent, you might be able to improve yourself. We all could become better, more well rounded people. Don't let your stubbornness hold you back from this. You guys are on the verge of breaking up four times and what if this is the one that does it? I say give this your all and if she still doesn't feel this way, at least you tried.