Sigh..

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Hey guys... ok right now things really arent at a good place between my boyfriend and I. I've been having trust issues because of so much hurt I've been through in past relationships, including family members. But, I've got the feeling that he just may not be the kind of guy I think he is, so I have been growing out of the lack of trust thing. My only other issue is that I doubt his interest in our relationship. So we watched this movie about couples today, "Why Did I Get Married" by Tyler Perry( not sure if you guys ever heard of it). I didnt enjoy watching it with him because he was acting like such an asshole throughout the picture to the point I flipped out on him when he kept pissing me off. So after the movie, we were both supposed to write a pros and cons list about our relationship, and based our future on the list(my idea). I had reached home and called him and told him I'd be online. So we were online, and I had asked him if he had written his list. He said no because football was coming on. Now dont get me wrong, I KNOW guys love their football, but do you really love it more than your relationship? I got mad that he chose to postpone the list over football. Am I overreacting? I really felt like he put football over our relationship status and it actually hurt my feelings. I really love him, but I'm so torn up being with him with the amount of problems we have. I told him I decided we should just call it quits because we arent gonna see eye to eye any time soon. I feel better single because I dont feel like I have to put so much effort into anything except taking care of Arianna. I wish it could work, but I dont think it ever will go back to being good. Any advice?

[kene]

Maybe he thought the list thing was silly but didn't want to outright say it so indirectly said it by saying football trumps it.

Anyhow, what does he say when you tell him you want to call it quits?

[starbuck]

Ladie, from what I've read in your posts, you're under a lot of stress from your family situation and taking care of your daughter. Maybe he seems extra insensitive because you're feeling vulnerable and stressed?

I do think you are overreacting a bit about the football. Just because he feels like watching football doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care about you. He's entitled to his fun sometimes, too. And maybe he's balking a bit because he feels like you're trying to control him by making him write that list?

What are the other problems you're having? Is this a one time thing or are you constantly taking a back seat to the football?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Ladie, from what I've read in your posts, you're under a lot of stress from your family situation and taking care of your daughter. Maybe he seems extra insensitive because you're feeling vulnerable and stressed?

I do think you are overreacting a bit about the football. Just because he feels like watching football doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care about you. He's entitled to his fun sometimes, too. And maybe he's balking a bit because he feels like you're trying to control him by making him write that list?

What are the other problems you're having? Is this a one time thing or are you constantly taking a back seat to the football?

Well when he's watching football, he still puts in time to talk to me, but majority of his attention is toward the game. Sometimes I do feel I'm in the backseat because I could be in the middle of saying something and then he'd say he didnt hear me or say wait. And sometimes if Madden is pissing him off or a ref. calls a bad play in a game, his whole mood just changes and he just acts like he could care less to talk at the time. Its like he worships football sometimes. He says football isnt more important than me, but he sure doesn't act that way. I know he loves me, but I just get the feeling that football holds a spot above me. I know, I sound needy, but I'm actually not. I avoid being clingy by having my own agenda and doing my own thing. But after having "me-time", I want to have "we-time", and our we time is taken up by football. I know, I'm probably overreacting, I just want to get some tips on how to deal with situations like this while going through my own personal problems.

I forgot to talk about the controlling. Yea, I do feel that way, so I do feel bad because I did force the list on to him. I wish I wasnt so stressed out and had somewhere to runaway to, and I wished that runaway would be to him. I miss how things used to be, things are so different now

[starbuck]

I understand how you feel. When we're extremely stressed, sometimes we just want someone to erase our pain and frustration. But that desire can put even more pressure on the relationship when we realize that the person we are seeking solace in is human and has his own problems and imperfections. Given what you're dealing with right now, it may be impossible for him or anyone to be that guy.

I would say, try and take it easy on him about the football sometimes. It's something that gives him pleasure, so why try to compete? Can't he have you and his football, too? Honestly, if you stop fighting him on this, I think things might get a little better. Nagging and fighting doesn't really change behavior. It only creates more unpleasantness and resistance.

I'd also try and schedule some time with him away from the tv if possible, so he's not tempted to pick up the remote and check on the game during your "we time."

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I understand how you feel. When we're extremely stressed, sometimes we just want someone to erase our pain and frustration. But that desire can put even more pressure on the relationship when we realize that the person we are seeking solace in is human and has his own problems and imperfections. Given what you're dealing with right now, it may be impossible for him or anyone to be that guy.

I would say, try and take it easy on him about the football sometimes. It's something that gives him pleasure, so why try to compete? Can't he have you and his football, too? Honestly, if you stop fighting him on this, I think things might get a little better. Nagging and fighting doesn't really change behavior. It only creates more unpleasantness and resistance.

I'd also try and schedule some time with him away from the tv if possible, so he's not tempted to pick up the remote and check on the game during your "we time."

Thanks starbuck. After reading your post, I realized how selfish I have been and I feel bad, and feeling bad made me realize my faults in the situation. In order for this to work, I have to try and let go of something as petty as this. I just hope that since I'm showing an initiative to make this work, I hope he does it back as well. It takes two to make it work, I cant do it by myself. But I will try my best to put my other issues aside when it comes to being with or talking to him. I really want this to work. As I've stated in a previous thread, Im not looking for just another relationship. Now, I'm not saying this is the one, cuz I've said that before and it turned out to be the complete opposite, but I do want this to last as long as possible. Thanks for taking the time out to give me advice, especially from an older person's POV it means alot to me.