I do not know what the right thing to do is

[blackbrown]

When I moved two years ago I moved an apartment over from an attractive single girl. We slowly got to know each other and developed a small friendship. In the course of that time she began dating another man whom I also got to know and likewise became friends with. He moved into her apartment and we have all since become very close friends spending significant time together several times a week. My friendship with both of them feels very independent of their relationship and the three of us are quite comfortable together no matter if any two of us are together or all three of us.

In short, we are all mutually close and fond of one another, I value both friendships, their own relationship, and am confident they feel the same about me.

I have developed feelings for this woman. I do not entertain the idea of being with her, even though I suspect she may have mildly romantic feelings for me despite her relationship. I do not want to end our friendship but I fear my own feelings in this matter and I think it is too late to hope that they can be denied without causing me pain.

I don't know what to do. Lately, I have tried to subtly distance myself from them, but it is not easy to do as they BOTH encourage me to be present. I am afraid that I think the right course of action may be to confess my feelings at least to the point that they understand it may be best for all of us if their friendship with me comes to an end, at least temporarily.

[AdminOnline]

Thread moved.

[Primo]

You developed feelings, got attached, fell in love to a certain extent. It happens all the time, which is why men & women don't make the best of friends, even though we'd like to be.

I'd have a one on one with her and while not professing my undying love and devotion, would tell her that my feelings have grown to be a little bit more than just friends and as hard as it is to do, I need to distance myself from you and your boyfriend.

She'll understand and maybe if she has feelings for you she'll lose the boyfriend one day and get back in touch with you.

You're right to distance yourself though, nothing good can come out of it the way it is.

[Bumble_bee]

^^ I dnt really see the purpose of having a one to one with her...she has a boyfriend.

For the sake of friendship, morals and good old fashioned principles... leave it alone

but if a clear concious is not your thing, heck ya, get in there!!

[Primo]

She's not married, you won't be able to move on properly with regrets. Tell her how you feel, then move on.

It's her life and she can do what she wants, you're not violating any principles by sharing your feelings with someone. The friendship is going to end regardless, if you love her, let her know. Don't be such a stick in the mud Bumble ! :-)

[Bumble_bee]

I do not think she is mildy attracted to the OP, I think she is, given the whole 3 musketeers thing going on there, being as caring and attentive as anyone would be in a close knit friendship....

He could end up not only ruining the friendship they all have together but also, it might bring issues of trust that were never there before (or else they wouldn't have gotten so close), or worse break them up...her bf trusts him....

It is never as easy (if you consider all parties involved) to just say how you feel hoping for a happy ending...I am advising that the OP consider this very carefuly....


IMHO....if she wants him she should do the talking, not him.

[blackbrown]

Thanks for the thoughts, you two. They are far more relevant than the person who told me to move, which is just childish. I have no intention of professing any feelings to her, or even pursuing it (and least of all moving). But I notice now that it might possibly affect my own love life, which has hitherto been unaffected.

If I were 5 or 10 years younger a simple friendship might not seem as important, but I am loathe to easily discard a tri-mutually satisfying friendship. We have keys to each others apartments, for christsake, and we're all like a bunch of Kramer's coming and going as we please. I will continue to distance myself as I can, but maybe the best thing to do is just destroy the friendship outright?