to move in or not?

[roundrobin]

Hi,

I'm hoping to get some viewpoints or sharing of experience to this option, any comments offered will be very appreciated!

I'm breaking up my long-term relationship after much upset and stress very soon.
I have been looking for a place to live and there are a few choices, but not too many and most would be stretching my finances.
One of my long-term friends asked if I would be interested to move into a place together as he is tired of where he lives. That way we could share expenses and it makes a lot of sense for us both.
We have so much fun and get on so well, it would be really comfortable to be moving into a new place with a friendly and safe house-sharer. However I suspect strongly he has deeper feelings even though he says just as friends. I suspect he may think I could begin to like him in a different way.
Maybe that could be, we get on so well! however, with just leaving a meaningful relationship, I'm sure to feel vulnerable,and also to need space from getting into any other relationship for quite some time. I'm already hurting about what I will be leaving.I'm really unsure about if I will get pressure from my friend to be more than I can be.

So on one hand:

A) I have the chance of a supportive and fun friend who lifts my spirits to live with for a while. Sharing the expenses of life as well which all offers a lower level of stress.

B) The complication of expectations that may never be reality for him.

I can handle comments...am I being selfish or unfair if I move in with him? even if it's under the condition "friends only"?
Am I being unrealistic to think this could work?

Any thoughts?

Thank you..
Robin

[shh!]

If you suspect he has deeper feelings, there is no way this is going to work. You are going to start off feeling sorry for him and guilty because you know he is hurting, but eventually you will resent him. Besides, living with a male will be a liability in the dating world when you are ready to begin dating again.

I vote you either find a female room mate or none at all. Have you looked into just renting a room out of someone's home? Sometimes you can find a place with a private entry for maximum privacy...

[lesa]

Speaking from experience, someone is going to get hurt if you move in with a person who likes you more than a friendship. Plus you would never feel comfortable bringing a date there.

[roundrobin]

Hi Shh,

Thank you for the reply!

Yes I take on board what you are saying...

After I posted, I started to feel uncomfortable about the moving in together idea. I start to wonder if it's just me seeking comfort from a difficult break-up...not a good idea.

It's sad as we get on so well darn...it would be fun...but yes it could become strained if we get to enjoy eachothers company even more.

Thanks again
Best to you, Robin

[roundrobin]

Hi Lesa,

That is sooooooo true! Yes. I was wondering about that, it would feel so mean..then i can't bring friends/ or a date..back home...I was thinking it likely that I would not want to date for a long time as this breakup will be a painful one..so didn't think too much about that aspect. Although, who can know what happens in the future I guess.

Thank you! Much apreciate your experience - I don't need more painful situations in my new life..had quite enough already. I think the fear of the breakup pain is making me cling to the familiar...oh dear

But guess that's life..

Best to you,
Robin

[Cain]

Guys don't want to be friends with a girl they don't want to f*ck.