I met her on a dating website and, unlike anyone I’d previously met on the site, we immediately hit it off. We’ve been dating for a little over a month. She’s expressed interest in me throughout this time, getting my attention via text, email, or phone on days we didn’t have a date or, when together, saying things like “I was thinking about you…” or continually making plans for different things we could do on future dates. We both hadn’t seriously dated anyone in at least a year and seemed to be on the same page as far as wanting to establish a relationship… or that’s what I thought.
On our last date, she spoke of what she did with a friend the previous Saturday while I was out of town: attending 2 swinger parties on the same night. She talked about doing this in a way to distance herself from it (“this is going to sound so weird…,” “it was gross…”) and that she was just curious about going once but she’d “never be into that sort of thing, I’m all about monogamy…” Later, she went to the bathroom and I invaded her privacy by looking at her phone: there were messages from a guy - presumably the one she went to the party - about how hot she looked that night, all very sexual. She wasn’t as forthcoming in her replies to him, but made reference to his “hard cock” and that she’d masturbated. These texts were sent a day after I’d slept with her, on which she’d sent me a text message saying she “came while thinking about me”.
I’m unsure how to proceed here. She seems so genuine in her communication with me, like she truly wants to pursue a relationship. I’m also not sure how to discuss how uncomfortable I feel with her now because I looked at her phone without her permission.
I’m on the fence between doing something to insult her and telling her I don’t want to see her anymore or first just giving her a chance to explain what she’s doing and how she feels about me. I don’t want to seem like some controlling asshole, but the swinger party thing freaks me out. It’s like she’s a different person.