Just need to Vent

[TAVS]

I'm going Crazy!! I can't get my head on straight.

So I'm 3 months down, with three to go on this I need my space routine. I've gotten over the heartache but I continue with my persistance. I want to wait the next three months and see what happens. We see eachother once a week and text message here and there. Anyway, this is all very stressful for me and here's why.

If I try to not think about here, I end up thinking about the reasons why we shouldn't be together. That leads me to wanting to date other people but I don't want to do that. Even if I put her out of my mind completely, I still can't get women in general out of my mind.

If I allow myself to think about her, and appreciate what we had, I start to miss her too much. I start to let stupid things she does get to me. Take this weekend, she went to a family party sort of thing back home. I really wanted to be there and I'm letting it get to me. She had a great time and I wanted to be a part of that.

Then there are times when I start thinking of being romantic and all the things I could do to keep our relationship strong. I can't do too much as it will only increase the distance between us. I guess I just start fearing our love will continue to fade and the control freak I am cant stand the fact that the best option is to sit and do nothing.

I have so many things to do with my free time, I dont really have time for a woman anyway. Why can't I get this off my mind?! I dont have time for it and it only stresses me out.

[Borealis]

TAVS,

Why are you considering any new relationships at all when your emotional stability is frequently inversing? Also, if you were to invest your time into a new relationship you'd be doing it all for the wrong reasons, since it is only to replace what you had with your previous.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to maintain control. But, it is hard when your love for her still remains strong in the deeper sides of your heart. Maybe it is time to start denying these feelings and really come to senses of what you want to do. Sit down and ask yourself do you really appreciate her enough to give it one last try? Or, this is time to really let go and move on with my life.

If you want to move on with your life, I suggest cutting ties with her. A least I find it a plausible platform because in all honest truth it won't make it any easier that you see her once a week and text message. By doing this, you remind yourself of her in some terms whatever they may be.

Best wishes

[Tone]

I think I'm gonna agree with Borealis.

[Aaron Blanc]

Well, this sounds like a begginging of a beautiful relationship. You seem to care for her, and want to be a part of her happy moments. The question is, are you ready to be part of her difficult times as well. There is no shame in the fact that you do not seem like the person who is ready YET, to handle and maintain a healthy relationship.

The main reason I say this is because your life is not stable right now. You seem to be very stressed over your own personal matters and will lack the ability to provide comfort and support to your partner, while in the mean time, also be emotionally needy as well. I am not trying to say that you will NEVER have a relationship. I am only telling you, that you are not ready for one YET.

You will find a relationship far more enjoyable with someone when you can provide for them and care for thier needs. You may be able to in several aspects, but emotionally, you can not. At least not yet. My advise to you, is to take care of the major problems in your life right now, and make you life more stable. Once you find an inner balance to things, you will be able to be there for your partner and calm her waves of confusion and stress from time to time.

Just remember, a healthy relationship is one where two people are the complements of the other. If you are both needy and stressed, it is needless to say that it will never work. But, if you are balanced and stable, you can support and take care of any instability or stress your partner may have. I think this is your goal. You said it yourself, "I wanted to be there for her". The "her" can be anyone, but the fact that the "be there" is your goal. Deep down inside, you want somone whom you can help, support and well, "be there for". The only thing that is left, is making yourself more balanced, and finding that one person who truly needs you.

[whaywardj]

TAVS -- Didn't you say in one of your earlier posts that you were too busy to be obsessing over it? What the hell happened to that?

[TAVS]

Borealis -

I do appreciate her enough to give it one more try. I just hate that I have to wait 6 months for that when she won't even promise me a second chance when Nov rolls around. I guess I just fear waiting 6 months and end up with nothing when I could be out there finding someone new. I don't like being by myself, I find life is much more enjoyable when there's someone to share it with. Relationships make me happy in a way nothing else does; work, friends, hobbies, etc.

Aaron -

Apparently you haven't read any of my other posts on the matter. We've been together for 4.5 years and had a wonderful relationship. I have no major problems with my life right now with the exception that I can't understand this whole space thing. My life is actually quite simple, I work 6 days a week, hang out with friends in the evening, take care of my house, and work on my 78 Firebird project.

Also, I didn't say I wanted to be there for her, I said I wanted to be there with her. She doesn't need support with anything right now, she just wants some time to sort out personal issues. I've just been a major part of her life for over 4 years so it's bothersome to not be a major part of it now.

I laugh when you say I'm not ready for a relationship cause I've been in serious relationships for the past 6 years. But you don't know me so that's all good. You can only interpret what you read.

Wheyward -
I do have a lot of things to keep me busy but while I'm doing them my mind can think about whatever it wants. Working at work, doing hobbies, or doing chores around the house doesnt require a lot of thought. About the only time I can get my mind to stop thinking is when I'm watching TV or a movie but I can't do that all the time; I have stuff to do

DISCLAIMER: I'm not as bad as it might sound; I just wanted to get stuff off my chest this morning. I really just need to get my mind pointed in one direction, patience, and stop it from getting sidetracked

[Tone]

Hey I hear you man.. whenever you need to vent - let us have it. It's what we're here for :)

[PIZZ]

Just hook up with another girl... that's it. That will get your mind off her real fast!

[whaywardj]

Hey I hear you man.. whenever you need to vent - let us have it. It's what we're here for

Ditto on both counts. Like, whatever you're doing and however much you're focused on it, there's still this little dark spot at the side and back of your head tugging at your attention, threatening to drag you in.

[PIZZ]

"I can't understand this whole space thing. My life is actually quite simple, I work 6 days a week, hang out with friends in the evening, take care of my house, and work on my 78 Firebird project."

Maybe that's the problem....