Keeping photos/mementos from a past [more recent] relationship?

[Phoenix_Blue]

I love my bf, i know he loves me, we're happily commited and even have a new baby. But I recently found out he's still keeping photos of his ex. I know everyone has a past, previous relationships, (he loved & was engaged to this chick, lived with her for a while, and apparently all not too long before we started dating about 2 years ago), and people keep stuff from past relationships all the time. My mom said even after she was married to my dad, she kept an old jacket or something of her ex's. He's pointed out a few times in our relationship at various moments there were things he still had that were once his ex's, or which he got together with his ex or when he was with her and it didn't bother me as much.

But what confuses and bothers me more is why he's brought it up so many times, after a few drinks of course, that he still has some in the desk in the next room- even asking if i'd like to see. Granted, I've asked a question here or there about his ex before, curious because it *was* part of his life [and ok, maybe a bit jealous, tho i know it went badly], but at the times he mentioned that fact I hadn't for a good while. Just a bit odd, non? Opinions?

[shh!]

It sounds like he might not be over her completely.

[alter_ego]

Why is that a bad thing?

Why can't he value the time spent with his ex and love you at the same time? Even though their relationship ended badly there could still be element that were good.

It's not reasonable to expect from one's partner to dislike everything about an ex.

[1averagejoe]

Hmm...I deleted/burned all my ex's pictures and letters. Donated everything except a couple t-shirts I really liked, and a grip for my camera that I would end up buying a new one because I like it.

Other than that, I don't see why people hold onto the past. I feel the best way to get over someone is get rid of everything that reminds you of them. ESPECIALLY pictures and notes/letters.

[alter_ego]

I don't see why people hold onto the past.

Because your past is a part of who you are. It's because of your past that you are who you are today. For good or bad.

I was hurt by my ex when we broke up, but she has a big part of who I am today. It's because of her that I learned to play the guitar and that I like rock music just to mention a few things. There are lots of lots of things that she brought into my life. That's the way relationships works.

Regardless of how (bad) I felt after the breakup, I will always respect and be thankful to her for all the good things that she brought into my life. Why aren't you?

[1averagejoe]

Regardless of how (bad) I felt after the breakup, I will always respect and be thankful to her for all the good things that she brought into my life. Why aren't you?

lol...because my ex was a lying, cheating, whore.

I still wouldn't want to keep pictures or letters if she wasn't such a bitch. I just feel that stuff like that is the past, something you won't be going back to, I have enough memories of her...some I really wish I could forget, I don't need or want pictures or letters to help me remember.

[starbuck]

I don't think it's odd that he has her pictures, but it does sound like he gets sentimental when he thinks about her. You mentioned when he drinks he wants to share photos of her. I agree with shh, it sounds like he hasn't fully moved on.

It's one thing if you ask, but for him to randomly bring her up is inconsiderate. I think you should ask him if he's completely over her, and urge him to give you an honest answer. Just be careful not to be accusing because it could put him on the defensive.

[shh!]

I don't think I'd ask. You have a baby with him, and the proper time to have asked would have been before you had the baby. Just tell him you are sick of hearing about her and you will ask him to get rid of his momentos if he can't control himself.

For the record, I have pictures of my first love (somewhere).

[alter_ego]

lol...because my ex was a lying, cheating, whore.

I still wouldn't want to keep pictures or letters if she wasn't such a bitch. I just feel that stuff like that is the past, something you won't be going back to, I have enough memories of her...some I really wish I could forget, I don't need or want pictures or letters to help me remember.

I'm sorry for you, but not every ones ex is like that.

[alter_ego]

I don't think I'd ask. You have a baby with him, and the proper time to have asked would have been before you had the baby. Just tell him you are sick of hearing about her and you will ask him to get rid of his momentos if he can't control himself.

For the record, I have pictures of my first love (somewhere).

If it bothers you, just tell him that you don't wan't to talk about it the next time he brings it up.

[starbuck]

I don't think I'd ask. You have a baby with him, and the proper time to have asked would have been before you had the baby. Just tell him you are sick of hearing about her and you will ask him to get rid of his momentos if he can't control himself.

For the record, I have pictures of my first love (somewhere).

Ohhh, they have a baby. I must have sped-read that first post. Yes, that definitely makes it difficult to open up this can of worms.

Maybe you should "accidentally" throw the pictures out. J/K.

[bluesummer]

I keep photos of my exes, because they were taken at important events in my life, and I'm not throwing out those pictures just because of someone else's insecurity. My fiance has some of his, too. Love letters and stuff like that, I've thrown out.

I'm not sure why your bf would be asking if you want to SEE pics of his ex. Next time he says that, you might want to tell him "It makes me uncomfrtable when you talk about your ex, would you mind not bringing her up?" Hopefully he gets the message then.

[Only-virgins]

Because your past is a part of who you are. It's because of your past that you are who you are today. For good or bad.

Smart. I always said this.
_______________

[Henry123]

I love my bf, i know he loves me, we're happily commited and even have a new baby. But I recently found out he's still keeping photos of his ex. I know everyone has a past, previous relationships, (he loved & was engaged to this chick, lived with her for a while, and apparently all not too long before we started dating about 2 years ago), and people keep stuff from past relationships all the time. My mom said even after she was married to my dad, she kept an old jacket or something of her ex's. He's pointed out a few times in our relationship at various moments there were things he still had that were once his ex's, or which he got together with his ex or when he was with her and it didn't bother me as much.

But what confuses and bothers me more is why he's brought it up so many times, after a few drinks of course, that he still has some in the desk in the next room- even asking if i'd like to see. Granted, I've asked a question here or there about his ex before, curious because it *was* part of his life [and ok, maybe a bit jealous, tho i know it went badly], but at the times he mentioned that fact I hadn't for a good while. Just a bit odd, non? Opinions?

Are you sure he's not just using you.
You really have to and honestly ask yourself that.

(keep in mind some guys know how to manipulate girls by telling them what they want to hear. be honest with your asessment)

[agatha]

Nothings wrong with it. Past is past. It would never came back.

I do keep things from my ex. It's somehow a memorabilia from my past. And its nice reminiscing it, the things that happened. Fun!

As of now, I still do have the things given by my ex but my bf now doesn't bother to ask why I'm still keeping it. As a respect to my bf now, I slowly dispatched things. Like letters from my ex, I burned it already. What were left was only a blanket, a pillow and t-shirts but I don't used it now. I just keep it.

Its not that keeping things from your ex doesn't mean that your still in love with that person. Its treasuring people that become part of your life.