I've never felt so hopeless and heart broken (my story)

[DerekColors]

Okay keep with me. This is kinda long.

A gal from myspace friended me. I am a artsy type. write all sorts of poetry. Which was what drew her into to me cause she to was a artsy type.I thought well this cool. Someone who has a common interest. So we exchanged a few messages back and forth. Eventually we decided to talk through AIM in order to be more instant. We talked about each others problems. Her problems with a boy she liked. My problems with the girl I liked. All fine and dandy. We seemed to connect well and were really open with our problems. I found her interesting but nothing else yet

So days passed. Her and me talked everyday quite alot. Just about random things. A charming humor between the both of us. Eventually I felt my self easily being able to let go of this other girl without resistance. However, she was still into this other guy somewhat..But some where in the next few days we opened up to each other more and a wave of emotions poured out of us about how we felt about each other..Nothing too strong like the love word. But acknowledgment of interest in each other. She found me interesting in that any other guy just didn't seem that interesting and was boring. Ditto. So from there we continued to talk. I think we talked more in a span of two weeks than anyone could in 6 months. It was beautiful and through this experience we drew closer and closer to each other. These feelings that came over me consumed and I don't think a minute went by that I did not think about her. If a day went by that we did not talk. I would feel myself depressed and missing her. Anyways through all the convos we found that we were perfect for each other. We wanted the same things. The same things in a relationship. It was all perfect. It was all wonderful. I never had such a emotional high about someone before. I felt love but not this strong..Not for someone online. Crazy. She felt the same the same way and we shared in each others emotions for one another.

Now theres no way I can do her justice and the feelings we felt. If I went into all the detail I could write 10 pages in hope you guys understand. From the weird connections we made. To the sound of her beautiful voice on the phone. I had this vibe and this heavy feeling in my heart that she was the love of my life. I had been in relationships before and I never felt what I felt for this girl. I was blinded by love. Everything about her was pure elegance and beauty. From her laugh,smile to her calm gentle nature. Not to mention smart and so understanding of a person. You could unload all your secrets on her and she wouldn't judge Most of all she understood me. She accepted me as I was. I never had a girl in my life that was so open about how she felt for me. And on a personal note. She was/is a virgin.Which I found beautiful. Such integrity to wait for the perfect person made me desire her even more and be that one and only in her life.

As time passed we completely fell for each other. I could swear she fell harder for me than I did for her. It was a great feeling. Someone who truly wanted me. Someone who'd tell me they needed me and made them feel in ways they never felt about anyone before. I was so happy that I could make her feel this way about me. And I knew every time I talked to her on the phone that she was the one. That she would be the love of my life that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. I had never been sure about anything and the concept of marriage is scary in that you better make the right choice. With her I knew I was making the right choice. The only problem though was she live far way in the same country.Fine.I would do anything for her and so distance really wasn't a problem...But she lives with her aunt. Her aunt does not have a home phone only a cell! So her and my communication was limited to her aunt letting her use the cell phone. Or getting online. We talked about it and she was gonna get a cell phone as soon as she could. So we could stay in touch all the time.

And this where the problem began. One day she just stopped getting on.Having no means to contact her I was getting scared and worried something bad happened. 5 days later without a word I hear from her. Apparently she was in a car wreck with her dad. She was fine but her dad is in the ICU. So the next few days we talked. I missed her so much and vice versa and we probably spent most of the next two days talking. Making plans to see each other finally. Which we always talked about and wanted more than anything to be able to hold each other in each ones arms. I think about it everyday and it just brings a smile to my face when I do... So last tues. She calls me from her aunts cell at a restaurant near the hospital her dad is at. We have a nice conversation. Saying she will be going home tonight and not be staying at the hospital so she can talk to me. Later that night she does get on. But is only on for 3 minutes. The last thing she said was "I'll be logged off for a minute. Aim has to update"........And just like that its now Monday and has been nearly a week without so much of a word from her. No call on the cell. No message. Nothing. Just complete silence.. Now I'm so f'ing scared, worried. Wondering what happened to her. That its out of character for her not to call me and let me no shes alright or something is up...Its been killing me inside and I dread the worst. So I wait and wait hoping for her to contact me. But with each day I just lose hope. I can feel my heartbreaking. I'm afraid I'll never hear from her again. That this girl that completed me in so many ways is not in my life anymore. Afraid that a tragedy may have befallen her. Its frustrating. I feel hopeless and helpless cause theres nothing I can do about it but just wait for her..I don't know how I could move on withou her. She set the bar pretty high and I don't think I could ever find someone as wonderful as she was.. She was the girl of my dreams. The girl I thought i would never find. But now I fear that I may have lost it. Its been a week no word and its not like her. The feeling of dread is worse than last time. Theres no coping with it cause she was the light in my already depressing life. She was my hope. I do feel pathetic that I feel this way about someone I never met. But she feels so right to me that I didn't fight it. I need her in my life.


Sorry if this seems convoluted. Theres just so many things to say.So many details but not enough time. If you have any questions then I will do my best answer them to give you a better idea.


And yes as said Its just a girl online. But I have pretty much avoided relationships till now. Cause I am pretty much set on not settling for less like most people do. I only have one life so why not make the best of it and make sure its the person that makes you happy and thats what shes done for me. Shes done something for me no one else could. In fact I even made a leap of faith and blew off this beautiful attractive girl who I know in person whom wanted to be friends with benefits. Cause I felt so strongly for this girl

[Tigerfan]

Hmmm. That is baffling. I wonder if her father passed away from the car wreck and she is very upset? Was he in critical condition? Who knows. Hopefully, you will hear something from her soon. So sorry. I feel your pain.

[lizzy_09]

Sorry that you feel this way, but do you know anyone from her area or maybe any friends of yours know anyone there? Just to check on how she is. This way, you'd probably know what has been happening with her.

[DerekColors]

Hmmm. That is baffling. I wonder if her father passed away from the car wreck and she is very upset? Was he in critical condition? Who knows. Hopefully, you will hear something from her soon. So sorry. I feel your pain.

Thats what I'm thinking. Its the only viable option. Not sure how cirtical it was. He had to have multiple operations from what she said. Developed a high temp also. But I just cant believe that he died since he was in pretty stable condition the last time I talked to her..Which still doesn't explain the total blow off on the last night we talk..I mean I cant believe if this is the last time I talk to her its about AIM updating "sigh".


But then again if he did passed. It still kills me that she won't call me to be there for her. It kills me that as much as she feels about me even if he died she would let me know and try to comfort her anyway I can.

[DerekColors]

Sorry that you feel this way, but do you know anyone from her area or maybe any friends of yours know anyone there? Just to check on how she is. This way, you'd probably know what has been happening with her.

Ugh no. She just moved across country to her aunts house with her dad. Her mom passed away not too long also. So if he died this would devastate her. I'm such a idiot though. I should have talked to her about this. I was so scared that if he did die that she might totally shutdown and push me out of her life..And maybe this is it right here. I just didn't want to talk about it with her and seem insensitive and selfish. Everyday this kills me inside and I don't know what to do. Cause theres absolutely nothing. Its a hopeless situation. The only step would be to hire a PI but I still think its too early to do that. And its incredibly expensive especially for them to tell me something I may not want to here..I'm sure by now if she could she would have said something to me and thats what scares me. I just have to hope and pray that she gets back on with a really good explanation. Its killing me inside and everyday feels miserable. Shes giving me so much and I don't know how I went on before I met her. She made everything in my life better. Now it just feels destroyed. V_V

[lizzy_09]

I was pondering that if she returns that feeling, then why doesn't she let you know what's been going on with her life? Rather then keep you hanging? I'm sure she'd sense that your interested in her. This is just from my perspective.

I was so scared that if he did die that she might totally shutdown and push me out of her life..And maybe this is it right here. I just didn't want to talk about it with her and seem insensitive and selfish. Everyday this kills me inside and I don't know what to do. Cause theres absolutely nothing. Its a hopeless situation.

It's causing you a lot of mixed emotions cause your under stress. And the suspense is killing you.

The only step would be to hire a PI but I still think its too early to do that. And its incredibly expensive especially for them to tell me something I may not want to here. I'm sure by now if she could she would have said something to me and that's what scares me.

Well, one way or the other, whether through the PI or discovering it by yourself, your going to end up knowing the truth. It's not about the truth unfolding, rather it's about picking up the pieces after a fall.

[DerekColors]

I was pondering that if she returns that feeling, then why doesn't she let you know what's been going on with her life? Rather then keep you hanging? I'm sure she'd sense that your interested in her. This is just from my perspective.

She knows I'm interested. I was 100% sure she was interested to. We planned to be together at the end of August .We both made promises to each other and it hurts to see them fade away. I don't know if I will ever talk to her again...Actually I'm sure I will. Maybe even a month from now...But by then I don't think I will be able to forgive her.

It's causing you a lot of mixed emotions cause your under stress. And the suspense is killing you.

Indeed. Its very stressful. Basically cause theres nothing I can do but wait. I guess if I don't hear from her again I don't know if I take that as a sign she doesn't want nothing to do with me. It would seem out of the question since we get along so well and cause of the things we speak of. So the only other option is bad news of any kind.

Well, one way or the other, whether through the PI or discovering it by yourself, your going to end up knowing the truth. It's not about the truth unfolding, rather it's about picking up the pieces after a fall.

Yeah. I hope not though. This is one I don't want to get away
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[jean555]

First, I empathise with you and hope things go well from here on. My thoughts:
1. Since she is important enough to you for you to think about her being THE ONE, why don't you go see her yourself? I would want to move mountains perhaps to find out if she really is fine or she really is THE ONE.
2. Is she really THE ONE? I had a similar experience recently. I met a girl overseas one night before my return to my place, fell totally for her, thought she has fallen for me too. We communicated on messenger for one month. Perfect, just heaven for me (and for her I thought) - she was even talking about moving to my country and visa issues etc. I decided to go back and see her and see whether this is real or just too good to be true. Guess what? It was too good to be true. She has another BF she loves too. To be sure, she went to bed with me, she cried etc but she said she can't decide now - only time will tell. Which in other words means, its going to be difficult for us to be together. Point is - people do get carried away in the safety of the internet. We only see others' finer points (no snoring, no bad breath, no tv noise etc). We control the conversation on the Net and because we can't have them, our dreams build up more than they would if we did have the them. Same applies to the other party too - we may look much more attractive than we are on the net and expectations are not met when we actually meet.

I am not saying that your GF was unreal or not THE ONE for you. You may still have her. Just wanted to point out the issues that come with IM from my own personal experience.

Thanks

[DerekColors]

I totally agree.

But would I move a mountain for her? Yes I would. But why should I. I don't know the circumstances..But She has every bit of my contact info. She can get a hold of me whenever she wants. Theres no point in moving a mountain for her..If she just doesn't want anything to do with me. Far as I'm concerned moving the mountain for her will likely wound up with more heartache than there already is...I mean don't get me wrong..Shes worth it..But looking at things it would totally be the wrong move here unless I knew the situation keeping her away from me

[jean555]

Of course to each his own! But I guess you would want to find out if she herself is well, wouldn't you?

Also, not always but sometimes it's nice to know that someone is moving mountains for us. But you still have to play it with some mystery, I guess, for it not to feel burdensome to her