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Thread: In Love with my friend's girlfriend who is my long time best friend

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    In Love with my friend's girlfriend who is my long time best friend

    So my one friend, who I have known for about 3 years now (lets call him "Chuck"), started dating my best friend (Lets call her "Kayla"), who I have been best friends with since kindergarten (about 13 years total!). They have been together for about over a year now.

    I have always loved "Kayla". Ever since we first met in kindergarten. She did love me back. She asked me out in 5th grade, I wasn't ready for that! we were way too young! So I turned her down. We didn't speak to each other for almost a whole year, until we had a class together in 6th grade. Then we were best friends again!

    So now we are in high school. . . She has "Chuck". I don't have anyone. and (this might sound a little stupid, or corny) I listened to Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away", and it made me think "I can't let that happen to me!". But now I am afraid it is too late. . . They are already talking about what they are gonna do when she turns 18 ("Chuck" is a little older than her). "Chuck" is going to pick her up and they are going to go away from her father somewhere and live together. He already has his career planned out. He will be making a lot of money as a programmer or something cause his dad does that already so it will be easy for him to get started. "Kayla" like that.

    Its getting close to graduation, I am running out of time! What should I do?
    Let her go? or should I do something?
    What should I do?!

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    So my one friend, who I have known for about 3 years now (lets call him "Chuck"), started dating my best friend (Lets call her "Kayla"), who I have been best friends with since kindergarten (about 13 years total!).
    Stop right there. You're in the friend zone; you've both had ample opportunity to get together. If it was going to happen, it would have by now. I'm guessing it isn't this type of friend zone in the video

    [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKgHLr4et0A]THE FRIEND ZONE - YouTube[/url]

    nonetheless, the outcome is the same. She doesn't, and probably won't ever, see you as more than as her best friend. For the rest of your post, let's do it in reverse order.

    What should I do?!
    From what I've seen of the rest of the post, the best thing you can do is keep in mind that things in high school take on a significance that seems ridiculous and totally out of proportino when you look at it in hindsight.

    I have always loved "Kayla". Ever since we first met in kindergarten. She did love me back. She asked me out in 5th grade, I wasn't ready for that! we were way too young! So I turned her down. We didn't speak to each other for almost a whole year, until we had a class together in 6th grade. Then we were best friends again!
    Being asked out by her a decade ago doesn't really give you any special standing or create a queue behind you in which other guys interested in dating her must wait. Relationships at that age are not really relationships in any meaningul sense anyway, so it's quite possible that the relationship would have ended acrimoniously and you wouldn't even be friends anymore. At the very least, you would certainly have broken it off by now.

    So now we are in high school. . . She has "Chuck". I don't have anyone. and (this might sound a little stupid, or corny)
    I think you might be conflating a few disparate emotions; certainly you must be a little sad that there is now another guy in her life who will be her primary focus. You mentioned that she has someone and you don't; clearly you'd like a girlfriend, but you didn't really say that it must be her and you're put out because you like her for x,y,z reasons. Go and ask another girl out, go on a few dates, and you'll forget all about how you're feeling now.

    I listened to Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away", and it made me think "I can't let that happen to me!". But now I am afraid it is too late. . .
    Katy Perry? Are you sure it's a girl you want to date? Sorry, couldn't help the cheek. In all seriousness, there is no "the one"; everyone has plenty of people out there with whom they are perfectly compatible. For the most part, it's just a matter of finding them, and not ****ing it up. Things like them not being interested in you doesn't constitute them "getting away", it means they were never really suited to you from the beginning.

    They are already talking about what they are gonna do when she turns 18 ("Chuck" is a little older than her). "Chuck" is going to pick her up and they are going to go away from her father somewhere and live together.
    It's all wishful thinking. They've probably talked about moving to a 4 bedroom apartment in the Berg, and an adorable little life running a second hand bookstore and making Che print t-shirts. Utter fantasy. They'll soon realise that they (a) don't have the money to elope together, at least, not to live anywhere decent. And (b) these things are always more plausible in theory than they are practical in fact, Trust me, once Kayla has gone for a week without Mum washing her clothes and cooking her meals (and probably paying her car payments and phone bill), she'll come running back quicker than you can say "adolescent fantasy".

    He already has his career planned out. He will be making a lot of money as a programmer or something cause his dad does that already so it will be easy for him to get started.
    Presumably he won't be attending university (college, as you call it) if he's eloping with Ms Kayla, unless she's going to be living in a dorm with him. I'm sure she'll love that. If he's not heading off to uni, then I think you can safely discount his grand plan to have fat stacks because (a) Programming talent and skills are not hereditary; he will need training, and (b) Unless he will be working for a company owned by his Dad, he probably won't get a job as a programmer with even a very small firm. When you have graduates applying for burger-flipper positions even post-graduation in the US, and no shortage of trained, experienced programmers, you can safely assume he won't be making lots of money. He might not even earn enough for it to be a viable career. Kayla might like the green, she is female after all (sorry... I think being gay makes me far more misogynistic than if I needed female approval to get laid), but her expectations and perception of its value might change when she moves out with Throw or whatever his name is, and things like rent/mortgage, car payments, phone and internet bills, food, health insurance and on and on need to be paid before she gets to touch a dime.

    "Kayla" like that.
    No doubt, in which case find a nice, genuine girl with a bit of depth, rather than pursuing a girl who will get swept off her feet whenever a boy with a bit of facial hair and some implausible elopement fantasies turns up.
    Its getting close to graduation, I am running out of time! What should I do?
    Let her go? or should I do something?
    You can't "let her go" because she was never in a relationship with you to begin with. You can, as a friend, give her advice about whether moving out straight after graduation, with a boy she barely knows, is a sensible idea.

    With regards to your relationship situation, if you're going to university, make do with your right hand until then; college girls are much nicer. If not, then ask out a girl who also won't be going to college and see if you can make a go of it. Dates and flings that don't lead to relationships are still fun, and frankly good practice.

    wlboy

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