A tale of woe and misfortune...

[ChRoNicWeAseL]

I'm not into the whole drama thing, so bear an open mind here, this isn't me on the soap box, this is me. I have this girlfriend, and she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend that she still loves. This is after I found out that she like another guy, and she kissed him and said she loved him. Believe me, this situation is a lot more complex than I writing it out, but I don't want to bore you guys. So after we got the thing where she was telling this weirdo she loved him all solved, I found out she was scrogging her ex-boyfriend. Let me tell you, I was more than a little upset. But I swallowed my pride and my anger and comforted her while she cried the whole pathetic disgusting story to me. Ok, and there's more dirt on her (no, there is none on me. I swear by my mothers life I've been perfectly faithful here) but I don't want to say anymore because I don't want you guys to be too biased. Keep in mind that she really does love me, and she can be very sweet. The fact that she is very attractive doesn't hurt either. Bottomline, we worked out the kinks recently, so it might be smooth sailing from here. But I want feedback. Was forgiveness good? I think it shows the ultimate capacity to love, but that's just me. What do you think? And good responces, please. I checked the other threads, and "Ditch the bitch" isn't gonna cut it. Please put some thought into this.

[Ironliftr3]

Originally posted by ChRoNicWeAseL
Let me tell you, I was more than a little upset.

More than a little upset?? Any brains an you would have been out the door.

Originally posted by ChRoNicWeAseL
But I swallowed my pride and my anger and comforted her while she cried the whole pathetic disgusting story to me.

Sounds more like you cut off your balls than swallowed your pride.

Originally posted by ChRoNicWeAseL
Keep in mind that she really does love me, and she can be very sweet

Sounds like she's loving a lot of people.

Originally posted by ChRoNicWeAseL
we worked out the kinks recently, so it might be smooth sailing from here.

Don't count on it. You forgave her once, you forgave her twice, what makes you think she won't do it again and expect your forgiveness then, too??

Originally posted by ChRoNicWeAseL
I think it shows the ultimate capacity to love

I think it shows the ultimate capacity to get taken advantage of, display no pride, and prove your weakness, several times over.


Where oh where is Icy when we need her??

[squirrley]

initial thoughts are this: its easy to forgive but not forget. I guess my thing would be this...if she truly were in love with you she wouldnt have done it. Fact. Everyone makes mistakes...but when you are really committed to someone even looking at someone else is something you dont do. She knew what she was doing. And she knew how to put on the tears, she was sincere in her apologies cause she knew she messed up. But it leaves the statement once a cheater always a cheater.

You guys are really young yet and lots to do...and things to see...
so you might think it was good to forgive but it now leaves that open to her she knows she can cry a lot and shes back in your graces. Dont you have a trust issue now?

How could you trust her? I think thats its going to be hard to resume a relationship that is now been tainted by unfaithfulness...you will be thinking about that every time she goes somewhere by herself or without you. Think about that...

[ChRoNicWeAseL]

Iron lifter, thank you for displaying the exact kind of post I don't want to recieve. I did not "prove my weakness" repeatedly. I could just as easily be hardass knuckle head, and where would that get me? She loves me, and I could break her heart, yes. Boy, then I'd be a big man, huh? How old are you? Because if you're old enough to talk to me like you are, then your're old enough to know better then to apply gym-locker-room-mentallity to somthing as delicate as this. Quit psycho-analyzing and post something supportive if at all, the last thing I need is some guy on a macho kick telling me I have no pride, and that I'm displaying weakness. The next time I post, I'd love to have your opinion, the more the better. But not like that.

That aside, I'm sure there are people in this forum that can give me a peice of their mind without attacking me, correct? Thank you squirrly. I'll mull that over.

[Rach]

Hmm, as much as you'd probably hate to hear this, it's probably VERY unlikely that she changed all that much to just forget about her ex that she "loved". My motto is always "once a cheater, always a cheater." Now I know in some cases that may be wrong, but in the majority it's not. You should keep your pride and walk away, even if that means hurting her. Afterall, she hurt you...right?



And don't say "you have no clue how i feel/what i mean" becaue i do, I've been there done that. Although it hurts, you know you can never trust them (the cheater) ever again....

[sfalexi]

Iron lifter, thank you for displaying the exact kind of post I don't want to recieve

It's not up to you what kind of post you receive. It's up to the person responding. For one thing, I think his advice is spot on and will point it out further.

She loves me, and I could break her heart, yes.

But instead you'd rather have your heart broken by her cheating on you? There's a difference between being a 'hard-ass' and understanding that sometimes you have to let go. Now on to your original post. . .

I have this girlfriend, and she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend that she still loves. This is after I found out that she like another guy, and she kissed him and said she loved him. Believe me, this situation is a lot more complex than I writing it out, but I don't want to bore you guys. So after we got the thing where she was telling this weirdo she loved him all solved, I found out she was scrogging her ex-boyfriend.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks like she cheated on you TWICE. Once by kissing and admitting love to another man, and, after you guys 'solved' that one, she then had sex with her ex-boyfriend. I don't know if other people picked up on this, but I did. So she was already unfaithful to you twice in this relationship (once again, correct me if I understood your post wrong, but she DID do something behind your back with TWO different men, did she not?)

But I swallowed my pride and my anger and comforted her while she cried the whole pathetic disgusting story to me.

A very hard and noble thing to do, but . . .

Bottomline, we worked out the kinks recently, so it might be smooth sailing from here

Here's where you went wrong. She's already proven herself dishonest and unfaithful to you. Not ONCE, but TWICE. You forgave her the first time for kissing. Now she's had sex behind your back and you forgave her again.

How many times are you willing to forgive her and keep taking her back? Me personally, I would have left her the first time. Because as squirrely pointed out, "but when you are really committed to someone even looking at someone else is something you dont do." If she truly loved you and was into you as much as you seem to be into her, she would have avoided putting herself in these situations. Instead of coming back to you and crying and begging for forgiveness, she SHOULD have (and easily COULD have) avoided the two situations.

Why was she seeing her ex-boyfriend? When she found out that she was still attracted to him and that he still wanted to have sex with her, why did she not leave and go home to AVOID it? Where did they have sex? Could she not have easily said, "No. I don't want to go to your place or a hotel."? There are so many ways to avoid infidelity, yet she didn't. She rode along and then regretted it LATER. Yes, she didn't regret it beforehand, but wanted it fully, and then regretted it AFTER she had committed the act. So you have no way of guarenteeing that she won't do it again, since she has proven that she can't control herself or make the correct decisions BEFORE acting out with someone else, but only feel bad afterwards. (BTW, note that these questions only deal with the ex-boyfriend. I don't know who the other person was, but she could have probably avoided that even EASIER if it wasn't an ex-boyfriend or someone she's had a history with.)

In my opinion, 'ditch the bitch' does apply here. She may not be a bitch at all, but certainly she isn't someone you can trust to be faithful. As squirrely points out, when you're at work, where will she be? Who will she be with? When she goes out with her friends, who will she be talking to? Hell, she could be gettin' railed in a bathroom at a nightclub. Or if she isn't that girl, she could be giving her number or really flirting it up with some guy to the point where they sensually kiss and hope to see each other again next time. You don't know. While not knowing is true in EVERY relationship, and something that you have to be comfortable and trust your partner with, I don't see how you can trust her.

It's up to you. You can decide to 'forgive' again, and hope that she doesn't do it again (although I think she will because she obviously doesn't love you enough to avoid those situations and think SOLELY of you whenever some guy or an ex starts hitting on her.) Or you can bite the bullet and tell her that it's time that it was over because you can't trust her, and (as I think), you want to be in a relationship where the person is faithful to you and that you can trust them.

'Chuck' Brown

[sfalexi]

Also, think of it this way. Would have done ANY of those things to her? If you thought some girl would have enticed you into being unfaithful, would you have avoided it for your girlfriend's sake and for the sake of not cheating? If so, then I say you deserve AT LEAST the same treatment from your partner.

[ChRoNicWeAseL]

Thanks for the thoughts. Be a little more sensitive, I like the feedback, you guys arn't just pretending to be interested. But really, it's tough enough, be a LITTLE gentler.

[Sorcerer]

I won't give you any good/bad advice because I had my story.
But I'd like us -- what you guys say about this -- to try a little experiment:
Have your girl sign in to the forum/thread and have both of you talk about what/how you feel!

Huh? Think talking out might help?

[Ironliftr3]

This is hard shit to deal with, no doubt about that. But sometime, and I include myself in this statement, you NEED somebody to smack you upside the head to see what a total fool you are.

The reason a person generally asks for outside opinions is to get a view that isn't clouded by emotion. My opinion is that you are being a dumb ass, not once, but twice (as Alexi pointed out. He and I both DID see that the first time around). The first time is forgivable (MAYBE), but the second, and then going on an opportunity for a third??

Although I agree my initial response was somewhat harsh, I have yet to see anyone post anything that disagrees with my opinion. You lost the priveledge of being treated 'GENTLY' when you went back for more abuse. You obviously DO need a smack upside the head, and I thought I'd save us all some time by giving it to you.

Get the hell out NOW, or be prepared for this cycle to continue. And when it does, (not if, WHEN) don't expect symapthy, because as they say, the writting was on the wall.

[squirrley]

right on!!!

So when do you think he will get hit by the ton of bricks he so needs?

[sfalexi]

Once again, I agree with Iron. Under the circumstances, I can understand someone giving the girl a second chance if she just flirted and kissed another guy. Sometimes she got caught up in the moment and maybe after crying to you the first time, she now knows to stay away and avoid those situations so that her mind doesn't get clouded by good looks.

But, unfortunately for you, she DIDN'T learn her lesson, and once again did not avoid the chance. Except this time it was with an ex (which is akin to ASKING for trouble) and it wasn't a kiss, it was his hot sweaty body and his penis pumping away in her whyile groping her breasts and ass as she moaned and groaned in his arms letting him thrust into her over and over again as she sensually kissed him and grasped his body asking for more, more, MORE. And don't even get me started on the various positions they probably put themselves in. More than likely starting out soft missionary, moving to spooning with one leg up, riding, maybe reverse cowboy over a chair, and ending with the wonderful doggy style as he cries out, "**** yeah! **** yeah!" while ejaculating on her back.

Maybe next time you'll have the privelidge of accepting her back after her getting pregnant by someone else and raising a child that isn't your own because she 'made a mistake'.

Leave. The way you reacted to our previous posts clues us in that you're a sensative guy. Taking her back, holding back from yelling at her and just being her emotional pillow, getting mad at us and asking politely not to use certain language.

So I purposefully described what that time was like for her (so that hopefully you'll understand that you were the LAST thing from her mind at that moment). And a guy like you (faithful and obviously sensative) has no reason to put up with this.

I also presume that you don't want to leave because you don't want to be the one to break her heart with a breakup. Don't put aside YOUR heart for HERS. She certainly hasn't done that for you. Leave her. Make the breakup gentle, if you want, but the best thing for you to do is get out of this relationship.

Alexi

[ChRoNicWeAseL]

Iron lifter, thanks for toning it down a bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a 'sensitive' or 'delicate' guy (if you want comp. photos, I'm always ready to show off!!!!, but I feel like insulting makes the persons view less meaningful, you know? Anyway, thanks.

And Alexi...... wow.... I'm one of those people known as a 'gentle giant.' I'm not prone to violance. But I'm going to be honest, after I finished the second paragraph of your post, I wanted to rip your arm off and beat you with it. But you know what? I asked myself, if Alexi is so full of shit, and there is no truth in what he said, then why are your eyes wet? So now I know I agreed with you all along, but didn't want to admit it. I'm pissed at you, but it's not your fault, I know better than to shoot the messanger. Mostly I just want to say thanks, because you're right, and that hurts real bad.

I made a decision last night, but I'm gonna wait a day to tell you guys, because I'm not up to taking abuse right now. But throw me a bone, because I dumped her, and I'm feeling pretty wounded about now.

Keep it coming though, but for the love of god, I'm feeling bad enough. No more "dumbass's" or "cowards" or graphic descriptions of the girl I love in the theroes of passion with other dudes. Seriousely, thanks Alexi. I printed that off, and I'm going to show it to her. I'm dead ****ing serious, I want her to know what other people think of her.

[ChRoNicWeAseL]

Squirrly, don't refer to me in the third person in my own thread. It pisses me off. But I like your advice. carry on

[IceQueen]

You didn't come here for advice, you came here for validation.

I can't give you validation. I think you have resigned your own self to the role of victim of circumstance, and I have no compassion for that.

You will find that choices in your life produce certain consequences. You've made a conscious choice to be with a person who cheats, so next time you get ****ed over by her, don't come crying about the consequences.

What do you think the consequences will be, and why?

Although, maybe this relationship is just a test-run for you, and not as important as you claim it to be. She is just one of many. If so, carry on.

Oh, never mind. You seem to have dumped her.