Feeling a bit lost.. (Stressed & 'Pulling us apart')

[Smirnoffz]

(skip to the ---'s)..

So, lately, a lot of things have been going through my head, I'm quite stressy..

I've got an awesome girlfriend, really, I'm superb happy with her..

But now the problem, I'm a 'closed' person by nature, I'm not used to telling about myself. I find it hard (allthough I am trying better lately), to talk about myself/ what I have done during the day etc.. She supports me as best as she can, but it's hard for her, if she doesn't know the 'background information' (eg, how come I stress?, what did I do today to bring me a down etc)

Lately, I've been really stressy as I said, I have ups, and downs, and most of the downs are caused by 'not receiving enough attention' from my girlfriend.. Now, I added these quotation marks because I do receive enough attention.. She sends me all she's got, and yet, it feels like it's not enough..

Feels like I'm not giving myself love anymore.. I study hard, maybe too much.. I'm trying to take care of myself more lately..

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I can't even get things straigth in my head at this moment.. (sorry for the above piece of text, I don't think it's really a good summary..)

---

I'll try again.

I've got a girlfriend, we don't live together, but we live close, see each other ~2 times a week.

I'm quite stressed lately (because of studying too hard). I'm now, since a few weeks, doing more things on the side (skating, tennising)- These things help.
Besides that, I either study or talk with my girlfriend. When she's not here, we talk on msn, or over skype.
I get bothered really easily when she seems 'away', doing other stuff at the same time while chatting or talking to me.. It gives me downs.. I live in ups and downs.. (with more ups lately, which I'm happy about)..

What doesn't make me happy though, is my reaction when she's reacting slow on me.. I say stuff like "Guess I'm bothering you, go on with what you're doing" etc.. And yeah- Ussually it ends up in a bad conversation.. We do talk things out, always.. We're very open to each other..
But it doesn't matter too much what she says.. I know she loves me.. But still, I seem to bring too much hurt to her when I start feeling down.. (shows that she cares, on one side. )

I just don't really know what to do.. I love her, but I seem to be taking her down at the same time..

I could cut off internet contact(though't might be strange..).. I'm trying to alter my way of thinking.. (I mean, I know she loves me, what would the un-attention matter, she doesn't mean anything mean with it- Its in my head, sorta).. It feels like I'm breaking us..

I don't think I was much clearer in that second try.. I hope it's clear though, a bit.. (allthough it's not really, for me..)

I've got the feeling I should put myself in front more.. Instead of her and my study.. (maybe cut off internet contact, or decrease it, since it's the only thing that sort off brings me down, every now and then..)

Thanks for even reading,
Me.

[Peter Pry]

Stop being a clingy little bitch.

You're starved for attention when she's not available because you don't love yourself enough, and you're not comfortable and confident in yourself when you are not with her. Result: you're a clingy little bitch. You're pushing her away because the only thing she hears from you is how she isn't paying enough attention to you, and how much of a bother you must be. Insecurity is exactly the opposite of attractive.

Attractive is confidence. You need to stop investing all of your self worth in other people. You need to have your own emotional sense of who you are and what makes you kick ass. You need to learn to love yourself before you will ever be ready to love others. The reason for this must be painfully obvious to you at this moment.

You don't have to cut off any contact with her; twice a week is not very much for a girlfriend. What you have to do is make your time quality time. When you are with her, show her how exciting it is to be with her. Talk to her, but more importantly, listen to her. When you are alone, pursue excellence. Find something you do well and invest some sense of self-worth in your abilities. Or your appearance, or whatever you're excellent at. Be excellent and you will feel excellent about yourself and you won't be so insecure.

[Smirnoffz]

Hehe, I just needed to hear that 'clingy little bitch' thingy

The time we spend is quality, I'm as confident as I can be when she's here, I'm just way to worried in my mind lately.. And that shows, easily.

But yeah, you're right, need to invest more time in things I like to do. I've bougth skates- I love skating. I've bougth a camera, love taking shots of stuff. I've made a website, love putting stuff up.. I'm more busy lately.. And I think I'm heading the rigth/better way..

I just needed to put my story and hear stuff like that.. 'Being excellent' though, is something not that easy to become.

I have indeed lost myself, and trying to find the 'old' me back( I can't really have changed ). I never used to be like this though, but oh well, that was before I fell in love.

You're right about that I need to stop investing my self worth in other people.. Thanks for the reply,
Moi.

[kms]

I agree with Peter - you are letting other people have full control of your emotions. It shouldn't matter what other people do around you, YOU are the one who decides whether you are happy or sad.

You said yourself that she loves you, and you know that she's simply doing other things while STILL talking to you online - so you need to use logic more and not try to make yourself into a victim. It sounds like you always want her to rescue you. And yes, that will end up destroying your relationship with her. You've made her fully responsible for your mental well-being - an impossible, unfair task! Only you can do that, and it's a full time job. She needs an equal, a partner - not a child who needs reassurance and mothering. She needs someone who will take care of HER, who will listen to her and pay attention to HER needs instead of constantly focusing on their own.

[Smirnoffz]

Thanks.. True. Just hard to get out of such spiral, trying hard though..

And I'll succeed.. Hey, thank you guys, have a nice day