How can i convince her to talk to me?

[Good Guy]

Hi, now im not generally a shy guy, but i wont state mu name here, i feels sort of inappropriate, and all in all does not mater. I have known this girl for the past six years, we were good friends and i always liked her, i made no secret of that. But generally we did not go out very often, maybe once a month. She by nature is a very shy girl, she doesn't go to clubs, drink, and party, but she is a sweet thing, in my mind she is innocence itself. I felt that every time i meet her i need to make her smile, for a long time that alone was enough for me. But in the past 3 months we started getting together more often, we go out with all our friends and later we go to my apartment ( with a few friends) and play cards, talk, and joke about. She always has a smile when talking to me. A month ago we went to my apartment along with two other friends, same as usual. We were having so much fun that it was getting late and we lost track of time, we sort of just lied down on my bed. She stated that she would like to have a baby with blond hair and blue eyes, and looked at me smiling she said: "Too bad you don't have blue eyes". I know, imagine how I felt. After a few minutes she asked me come closer to her, so i can warm her, that she was cold. I lied right by her and she took mu hand and put it around her waist.I felt how comfortable she was in my hands, she felt safe and warm, i know she did, she said that she would love to stay here forever. I usually keep my reserve with emotions, especially when girls are the issue, so i don't fall in love very often. I was in love just once before her, and burned myself. Anyhow after that night i decided to send her an SMS, asking did she get home OK (nasty neighborhood where she lives in,i got attacked there before). But i got no reply, i sent her another text a day after, asking if she wanted to come to my apartment as usual (my sister was back in town and i wanted to make a little get-together for her), the text was never sent, she disconnected her number. The more she kept ignoring me the more heart broken i was. And then i did something that i knew was a mistake, i told her how i feel on Facebook, i wrote a kind of letter asking her just to see me and talk to me like a man. In fact i was not so much as heart broken as i was disappointed that someone i know for 6 years is now avoiding me, and ignoring me just because i was honest about how i feel. Now i know her, she has suffered a lot in her life, her whole family are war refugees, and she is a sad person by nature, which is probably why i wanted to make her smile, and after that night make her happy. I wanted her to always be safe, and warm. Now i know i did not do anything wrong, what is just and true is newer wrong, i just wasn't smart about it, i sent her 2 more Facebook "letters", again with no reply. She is not a bad person, I'm not just saying this because i love her.I know her. I just thing that i scared her away, that i was too serious. I don't have much experience with love. Anyhow i just needed to put this in writing, i don't like to bother other people with this, and the ones i did just took my side, and comforted me, they were worried about hurting my feelings, they are good friends but i need someone to be honest.

Why is she ignoring me, could there be some other reason that just fear.
Did i miss read her signs?
And how can i convince her to talk to me?

[michelle23]

Why would you tolerate these mixed signals and BS for 6 years? Get rid of her and find a more mature women who knows what she wants. This is ridiculous

[Ann S]

There could be many reasons she stopped communicating. Is she still living with her parents? Maybe they put a stop to it. Being a survivor of war, she must have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Read up on that. It is a very complicated disorder, and avoidance is an important component - avoidance of anything that might recall trauma. YOU can't fix this, no matter how loving and kind you are. War survivors need trauma therapy. For her to tell you details of what happened to her could trigger memories that would lead to hyper arousal and the feeling that she is re-living the trauma. We don't want that to ever happen unless it's in a therapeutic setting. YOU can't rescue her. I hope you let her be. Perhaps any feelings she had for you were so traumatizing that she decided to avoid them. We don't know. Please make your next actions about HER, and NOT about YOU.....You are not respecting the boundaries she set, which are very clear. YOU are violating them to salve your own emotions. Stop that! Ann

[Good Guy]

There could be many reasons she stopped communicating. Is she still living with her parents? Maybe they put a stop to it. Being a survivor of war, she must have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Read up on that. Ann

Yes, she is living with her parents, but no she is not traumatized, she left Croatia when she was a baby, and remembers nothing, her hard life was not in the war, it was after she came to Serbia, her whole family moved around, renting houses to live in, and working underpay jobs to sustain themselves. That's what i meant by hard life. It's not a problem for me to let someone go, and leave them be. Im not some kind of stalker. And its not about me, yes i do want a good person in my life, we all do, the last message i sent i said that i was not sorry for loving her, and that she deserves for people to love her. But if she wont talk to me i will respect that and i wont bother her anymore. And i hold on to my word. But i do love her, im not trying to save anyone, she does not need saving. I did not pity her if that's what you meant, and i don't pity myself. She just feels so right for me, and i know id do the right thing for her. We are very similar, we like the same music, movies, we think alike.I respect boundaries, but if you tell me about babies and ask me to make you warm and look at me like that, that's you dropping boundaries.

[Good Guy]

Not 6 years, we were friends for 6 years. This started one month ago.

[Ann S]

I've been to Serbia. Life was hard, and for many, it still is. Having limited resources for survival when one is a child can also be traumatizing. But, I'm not in the situation, so I don't really know the answers. And neither do you. You don't know why she won't communicate. So I support you in moving on and finding someone to love who will love you back. It's sad that this woman couldn't return your affection. It sounds like she was just talking and not editing herself about what she wants - a baby with BLUE eyes, "and that's not you!" Good luck. Ann