Need some advice - feel like trapped in a dark corridor... [i really need a hand]

[hopkinson]

Well, first, i must tell that i'm not native english speaker, so, i'll try to make myself clear and i apologize for any grammar or linguistics mistake.

I'm 28, i study a Masters in a renowned university in my country and i also work as admin in a private school. My life seems pretty organized and happy. But not everything's like that.

I've been in a relationship for 4 years, with a woman who's smart, brilliant, very laborious, and also attractive. We've had our differences and argues during this years, but nothing too serious. We got engaged in 2008, with plans to marry in 2010 or 2011.

That until some time ago, about almost 2 years, her mood towards me changed, i'd like to say that it didn't changed a lot, but i felt the change.


She loses her patiente very quicky, she get's angry for stupid things (when we talk about things as absurd as a tv series or politics); sometimes i feel she gets mad because i don't do things the way she want me to do them; she always says she's right about everything and makes me feel like a stupid. The worst thing is that she thinks i'm up to blame when we argue, and that's very frustrating, bcoz i try to have a lot of patiente, and i don't react until i feel really hurt.

I try not to be negative, but sometimes i relate it to her condition. 2 years ago she was diagnosed with MS, a neurological disease. But in her case, MS manifested very very lightly, and she has recovered almost to 100% physically, althought MS is chronical, in her case doctors say it's controlled. But it's said that some patients develop changes in their behavior due to deppression and/or the neurological problem it self.

The point is, that i'm afraid that in time, this will become a terrible problem for me, for our relationship; I love her, and i feel responsible for her. But i'm afraid this some kind of oath i made to myself of being with her no matter what, will end killing me, because i'm sacrificing so much and i sometimes i feel she's not tryng to make things easier;

I can't be like Mother Theresa (excuse me for this expression), trying to make her feel loved and supported, while on the inside i'm feeling like crap because she started to behave that way, so dominant and with a lack of patience.

During this time, i've talked to her, many times, sometimes she cried and sometimes she got angry, but after our conversations her ways towards use to change, but it doesnt last too long, and then the problem starts again. That's my situation NOW... she's trying to be nice with me, for i talked to her last week. Things have been nice, but i'm afraid it won't last.

I know she doesnt cheat me, and i trust her.

Her family loves me and i love them too, also i like her friends a lot, they're very nice. Her people is like my second family, so i feel i have to answer for her safety to them too (i dont know if im being too radical).
She's also very nice with my family... sometimes more than she's with me. And about my family: they love her!

We spend a lot of time together, but she uses to get angry for anything anyway, she tries to make me feel loved, but she hurts me a lot too, with little things that in the end are unbearable. Sometimes i feel she's my karma and that honor forces me to stay by her side.

The BIG problem IS...

I met another girl, and she makes me smile, and makes me feel like im living again. She's in my Masters class, and she's also so smart, cute and nice, and she's lovely towards me. We spend a lot of time talking on the way home, she likes the things i tell her as much as i like hers. It's been a very lovely way of starting a friendship; She also shows a lot of interest on the things i make and love, like music, that's my passion, (as a music lover and musician), and of course History, a passion we share.
But i feel like i'm falling in love with her, and i'm sure she's feeling the same towards me, i can notice it in her eyes, in the way she smiles when we're together.

And obviously... i'm feeling like a dog, because of my girlfriend.
I've never cheated her. I've never kissed this girl or anything more compromising, but in a way, i've been disloyal, towards both.

This situation has been like that a month or so.

I've been trying to think straight and keep myselft together. I tried to get myselft apart from this girl, to be more cold hearted, but i can't, i like her a lot, and she makes me feel reborn. I feel a connection i've never felt before, something very strong.

But i love my girlfriend, we've been throught a lot, i was beside her when she was in hell because all that MS disease, and i said to me i was up to be with her forever no matter what cost. And if you ask me, i really want things to be like before, like the good days again; is not like i'm trying to ignore that a lot of things will never be the same again bcoz of the "fracking" disease, but we ought to be nice and supportive to each other if we want to be happy. --But, hell, i've tried so many times to make her realize about the fact we need "to caress" our relationship if we dont want it to end; that i feel tired. The hope that i keep is slowly fading away.

What should i do, what can i do???

I need some advice.
Sometimes i feel i could be losing the love of my live.




Thanks...

Hopkinson.

[hopkinson]

goin' up!

----

can someone help me?

[Gigabitch]

I think you're intrigued by the new girl because there aren't any problems with her. If you got involved with her for years, there would be. There always are.

The fact that your girlfriend has MS doesn't excuse the fact that she's a bitch to you. When she makes you unhappy, keep telling her. You shouldn't have to put up with that. If you find you can't be happy with her, you should break up with her.You're not obligated to stay with someone who makes you miserable just because she's unwell.

[Jas_mine]

If you have spoken to her, voicing your concerns and feelings but they haven't been taken on board and you feel like nothing has changed then perhaps it is time to call it quits - you shouldn't have to feel guilty about ending a relationship, it's your life therefore you are in charge of making the choices. You should have one final discussion with her regarding all the issues before you take such a drastic step though.

As for the girl you find yourself growing close to, I don't know, it could well just be because you are receiving attention from her that you fail to receive from your girlfriend. Being neglected has us appreciating what we get elsewhere. Just don't rush into anything.

[hopkinson]

Thanks a lot for your advices...

may i have to say that currently me and my GF are on those "good" days. But, it must be said that we haven't seen each other as often as usual.
I had a discussion with her about how i feel, and this time she seemed to get my point. I hope things get better...

I'll give myself some time to think about it, maybe a momentary break in the relationship will help me see if i really love her and all that stuff.

On the other side, this other girl, my class mate, we find each day more and more things that connect us, so it's been nice; anyway, my position here is of friendship - i can't deny the mutual attraction, that's too obvious that my other classmates think we're dating.

But i think i cannot end a long relationship and start a new one without time for thinking.
I'll try not to rush into anything, as you advice me Jasmine, but also, i can't know what the future holds for me. I better let things take their time.


Whatever happens in the end, i feel i must put my life and feelings in order first.


Thanks a lot, again, guys.

[hopkinson]

I think you're intrigued by the new girl because there aren't any problems with her. If you got involved with her for years, there would be. There always are.

I know that... i always try to be realistic about relationships. Screw with idealizing your subject of love. We're all flesh and bones, we're not flawless; that's always been my position.

Thanks for the advice anyway, i'll keep it in mind, sometimes we make stupid things when we're desperate.

[Gigabitch]

I'll give myself some time to think about it, maybe a momentary break in the relationship will help me see if i really love her and all that stuff.

Be careful with that. "Breaks" cause more damage than you think they do. If you think you want her at all, don't propose a break.

[hopkinson]

Now things got messy, at least for me.

a lot of things happened during this last days that make me feel more confused, desperate and worried.

to name a few...
- This new girl really likes me (and i like her)... i hope i'm not getting confused, but,hell, it's getting obvious that she wants to be with me. She even has departed from her friends to be with me more time.


- My GF is really trying to change, this time. I can't guess how much it will last, but she's putting herself into it. And i'm feeling like shit, bcoz, my love for has turned from a romantic love into some kind of "fraternal love" if i can say, i mean, i adore her, but it's hard for me to feel her as my partner.

It's not my first relationship (but it's the longest i've ever had) so i know what rutine and everyday life can do; and i must be fair with myself; i tried a lot more than her to mantain our love fresh; i'm very romantic, and during this years i've always tried to make her feel loved, to show her that i'm love with her.

But i can't, i can't do that anymore, i'm just tired, and maybe she realized about that and that's why she's trying to change.

And I tell you guys, that I've tried, with all my heart to feel the way i felt, to fall in love with her again. But it's been hard, and i've crying like a baby, bcoz i don't want to break her heart. To imagine her suffering just kills me...

I'm getting a nervous breakdown...

Should i visit the psychologist?


Cheers...