Advice/opinion needed on my situation!!! (email corresponding attached)

[outblog]

Hi, guys

This is my first post here. just registered minutes ago to post. I've been reading some posts here but still a newbie for sure. Here's my situation:

I was an adjunct instructor in a university this past semester teaching a grad class. Half way into the it i developed strong feelings for a girl in class. I didn't show or do anything during the semester so there wasn't much interaction with her other than class discussions or office hours, which are typical student-instructor type.

After turned in the grade (also my appointment was over), i sent her a (light-hearted) greeting email. She replied in about 5 days with a short email telling me her summer plans. I replied right away with a longer email and this time she replied after 2 weeks (she was traveling to other state and then to Europe then). I wrote back again after one week(my 3rd email), but this time she didn't reply.

I got uneasy waiting her 3rd reply, but it never come. So after about half month i sent her my 4th email asking for coffee together and her number.
It's been a week so far no response from her yet.

So I have 2 questions (actually 3) hope to hear your opinion:

Question 1: Is there still hope - should I continue contacting her, if so what's the best way to go?

Question 2: Did I do something wrong with my approach so far?

This girl is the best crush I have in years so i would really appreciate it if your guys could help me on this!

Also i am attaching some of the email correspondence here. Sorry for the long read.

Email #1 (my initial greeting email, J is her, outblog is me):

Hello J,

How are you? Hope this email find you enjoy your break. This is a greeting from you previous instructor (not any more :-). Are you a little bit surprised to receive my email? Actually I wanted to write to you much earlier. You know, it’s always pleasant to see you and talk to you, although we never really chatted outside the class. Now that the semester is over, I just want to send you an email and say hello to you.

Anyhow, the summer is here. You must have exciting plans for it. Hope you enjoy every moment of it. And when you have time, don’t forget to shoot me an email and let me know how you are doing.

All the best

- outblog

Email #2 (her reply, i deleted some names):

Hello,

I certainly am glad the summer is here. It was a long semester and I am glad it is over. What do you plan on doing this summer?

This weekend I am going to **** to rock climb. I am very excited. I think it will be fun. Then I will be home for a few days and I am going to **** for our studio. We are going to ****. I am also looking forward to that trip, although it will be more academic than this weekend!

Other than those things I will be climbing a lot and bike racing becasue those are my two favorite things to do.

-J

Email #3 (my 2nd email, a little bit long, omitted here)

Email #4 (her reply to my 2nd email):

I am sure you will have a fine summer. often i find things to do right around **** and it proves to be some wonderful times.

i had an excellent time in ****. the climbing was super cool. i did so much. we even stayed an extra day because it was so much fun! i jumbed off a sixty foot cliff into the water while i was there. it was so much fun. the rush was amazing. i really can´t wait until next year when i will do it again!

now i am in ****. it is quite fun. i road my bike around yesterday. it was lovely once i was out of the city. we are doing much academic work but on our days off i hope to travel to some other cities like ****. honestly though i just might ride into the miuntains because i lvoe the countryside so much.

well i will talk to you later,

-J

Email #5 (my 3rd email with no reply, omitted here)

Email #6 (my last email asking coffee together and number, no reply so far):

J,

It’s been a while since I heard you from ****. How are you? I am not sure if you are back in **** now. As always I hope you are enjoying you days wherever you stay.

I think we should have coffee together when you are back! If this is a good idea, then I need you phone number, what is it? I will call you up later. My cell phone number is (xxx)xxx xxxx.

talk to you soon

outblog

[vashti]

I believe most universities have very strict policies about dating students. I'm not even going to ask how many years younger she is than you, but I think your behavior is very unprofessional (given that she has not given you any reason to believe she is interested in you romantically). You could be jeopardizing your career.

I suggest you discuss this in a forum more appropriate for an adjunct instructor.

The Chronicle of Higher Education
[url]http://chronicle.com/[/url]

[outblog]

thanks for the reminder. i am also a grad student right now though. i taught one semester as a temp instructor because the previous one left. now my appointment is over. and all students in the class know i am student as well

I believe most universities have very strict policies about dating students. I'm not even going to ask how many years younger she is than you, but I think your behavior is very unprofessional (given that she has not given you any reason to believe she is interested in you romantically). You could be jeopardizing your career.

I suggest you discuss this in a forum more appropriate for an adjunct instructor.

The Chronicle of Higher Education

[vashti]

She doesn't seem interested, even aside from whatever policies you may be violating, else she surely would have contacted you, right?

Sorry.

[Ellynn]

Ok, well I have to give you credit for waiting until your class was over, BUT from what she has written you, she doesn't sound like she is into you like that. IF she was, she would have jumped at the opportunity to grab coffee with you. (Trust me, this is coming from a woman who(in the past) had a thing for her temp instructor.) She sounds like she was just trying to be polite by writing you back.

Anyways, at least it was worth a shot right? But, I would just wait for her to respond before you write her anymore. You don't want her to think your some crazy stalkerish guy who can't take a hint!

[misombra]

she's just not that interested in you. sorry.

[Tigger_]

hehe, im an instructor too.. lol... and i fell in love with my student too.. GAWD!!!

i dont think you should send any more emails... and why did u omit the two emails that you wrote??

[anachronistic]

I am a student, and quite frankly, if a professor wrote me an email like that, I'd be a bit freaked out.

[Tigger_]

with me, i became friends with her first... i mean im very very close to her and she wasnt tooooo freaked out i think... flattered infact

[Ellynn]

with me, i became friends with her first... i mean im very very close to her and she wasnt tooooo freaked out i think... flattered infact

Yeah, I think thats the best way to go about things. Be friends first and then go from there.

I don't think this guy developed that close of a friendship with her, so therefore she's probably thinking WTF? Then it being from an instructor is a whole other story. Honestly, I never thought twice about my instructors (except one mainly because he was close to my age).

Even a bit of light flirting during the semester would have gotten the point across so that when the semester was over, he could have at least seen if it was worth pursuing or not. (Mine did that, but then I found out he was in a relationship so I gave up on it.) Clearly from what I've seen, I don't think it is worth pursuing.

[Tigger_]

yea, and im just 3 years older to her... and she's really cute and really hot... just my type... i couldnt resist it

[Ellynn]

yea, and im just 3 years older to her... and she's really cute and really hot... just my type... i couldnt resist it

Thats not that much of an age gap. But isn't she engaged to someone else?
Did you flirt with her in class or anything like that? Or did you wait until afterwards?

[anachronistic]

with me, i became friends with her first... i mean im very very close to her and she wasnt tooooo freaked out i think... flattered infact

I am close to my professors, too. It's a good thing they're not interested.

[Tigger_]

she's not engaged anymore...

and i never flirted in class... but we were friends out of it... and yes, i spilled everything while i was teaching her... is that too ethically wrong?? i dont think there is any college laws that i broke...

[anachronistic]

I don't necessarily think that anything is wrong with it. I just think that it would be creepy. Know what I'm saying?