How can I help my husband

[heartach]

Have any of you heard of sexual anorexia? Yes it is real and I have read stuff on it. My husband has it and I am having a hard time trying not to take it personal even when he did say that with my controling and negative comments and actions of insecrities have not helped it and made it worse. He has been struggleing with it since he was young. There is this lady co worker that he tlaks to a lot and goes out to movies and other events with her and he is always worse around the time they decide to do something and after he comes home. It is like he doesn't wanna be home and I can't tell him I think she is a trigger because we got into a big fight about there friendship and his strong feelings for her. I promised I wouldn't bring it up again cause he said he is working on it and he is tired of me hurting him wirth bringing up negative talk about her and his other female friends and he said he would physically leave if I did. I'm going to counsiling and we plan on going to marriage counsling but my counslor works on me and I am curious what I can do for my husband from a male's point of view. I would appreciate any help or insight. I. Know that taking care of myself and raising my self esteem and self confidence will help and I am working on that , I'm just wondering if there is something more I can say or do cause he is so distant. I even wonder if he is still wanting to be married and that he is only here out of convience cause we can't afford to move out. Do I need to give him his space and let him have his cake and eat it too since he wants her and needs her and I didn't let him have a life befoere and now that I'm letting go of a tight hold and controoling ways he is trying to have a life? Will giving him space and letting hoim do what he wants help him come back to me and want me?

[cheekxs]

Why did you n ot put a short discretion about that sexual anorexia thing.,

never heard of it. and i also thought you where making your own description. haha

But anyway , i think people often have issues in their relationships cause of things that
happen in their childhood.
To enjoy sex i think a person ned to be okay mentally, Physical and emotionally.
When people say they have emotional problem, or sex problem, i think more about maybe they have
been true child abuse/sexual abuse, or another traumatic experience that they did not get over it yet.
But it can be also something they have been true it as adult.
And growing up people suppress the hurt and the impact stuff like that often so they can survive.

But while growing things you suppress comes back, and seek a way out, and if you dont deal with them, they will deal with you!

I think your husband is running from the real issue he have inside! And what he is doing is really wrong.
He is manipulating you with bullshit, so he can make you not to talk about what he knows he is doing wrong.(going out all the time with coworker)

You can shut your mouth or prepare yourself mentally for how he is may react and go true that battle (discussion)with him about that co worker and stuff!
Like have a real 100% conversation about it. So you can know what he is about and if he really want to do something about the situation.
And tell him what you think and want.
BEFORE DOING IT THINK REALLY good what do you want to achieve with his conversation.
So dont just go brag or jall out of frustration.

And when he doesnt want to talk about it dont stop, keep it going to get your answer.
Cause he just act like that so you can give it up.
But dont just do it., but do it with a reason and calm by starting the conversation with how much you care and stuff like that.
and why you want to talk and what you want out of it. And how you feel.Ask him questions that makes him think.

And counselor is a very good step! But it takes 2 to go to tango.
So you working on you and him keep being a mess, would not hold the marriage in balance.
He is grown and need to take responsibility for his action, behavior ,marriage!

I dont know you and him, but i get the impression that he may use that coworker ,to eape the
real issue he have. But that is no solution. Solution is confront the issue and deal with it.

And dont make excuses for him. Cause if he is sleeping with the coworker, i would think maybe he use that as a issue so he dont have to sleep with you.
bUT I dont know you guys so................ see what you can get out of my post.
And how old are you guys/??How long married?
Sometimes his parents can be a great help, Cause they know him baby till now. So they may know what
may be his real issue , and stuff. But you need to have a good relationship with them first.
cause some times people dont want to dig into the past. and you need to have a good conversation and not just
come in and ask them.
And pray to God to guide you. cause marriage is something Gods made. So we need his guide to lead it in a good way.

[oldskool83]

hmm, going out with a femal coworker to movies...somthings wrong right there. married men dont do that unless they wanna put their cock in the girls ass.

i think you got bigger issues. i tell him stop or your stepping out with divorce papers.

[cheekxs]

Yes, take the lead, instead of letting him leading you so he can do his mess.