Why do people think its ok to hurt and pretend it never happened?

[Toddstar]

I'd like to know if any of you out there experience this same mellow-dramatic BS from your exes; they instigate the break up. They hurt you and act as if it was normal. They dont draw unto themselves any second guesses, hook up very quickly (weeks to a month at tops) with their next conquest (no matter how long they where with you) and, when you finally crown the hill and get over them, after months maybe even years, and show them the total indifference YOU deserve to show, that they want to become personal with you.

I am not implying that your exes want to be with you again, but its almost like they are suddenly feeling some sort of guilt for being total buttwads and know they were total buttwads. Or asking questions if you are unlucky enough to run into them, or, if you are like me, have pick up and drop offs of your shared children with them and then receive emails later asking "why were you upset today?" when you werent upset at all; those were tears of joy, baby! Just kidding, no tears (obviously) but a weak attempt at communication by someone who is missing your attention.

I find it very weak on their part. Like they know how their life is now and, for good or bad, it IS their life and maybe, just maybe they made a huge mistake. Maybe not.

[IndiReloaded]

Do you think its productive to raise issues for which there is no solution? Just set a boundary you are comfortable with and stay within it. Even insensitive people will eventually figure out where you will/won't go.

[Toddstar]

I suppose not. Sorry for this.

[HeartIsAching]

Don't be sorry, Todd. It happens, and it can give you an insight into their nature.

It's an abusive behavior - they're trying to re-engage you because they want the attention from you. It pretty much tells you that you're better off without them... and it's really fun to simply ignore 'em. Drives 'em batshit.

[IndiReloaded]

Don't be sorry. I made my point for your benefit. Its a survival technique when you must deal with people who have no respect for your boundaries.

Exes suck. Dealing w/exes when kids are involved and putting a calm face on it tests anyone's resolve. Ignore those comments she makes. What HIA said.

[dfletcherhall]

I can empathize; some exes like to feel they have some kind of power of you, almost like having you on a leash for when they decide they want you around, and the only way around it is to move on, and eventually acheive the 'indifference' - they dump you, move on to their next conquest, it didn't work out, they call you, you hook up again, and you're back on the rollercoaster. Somewhere you have to find the strength and resolve to be independent, and get to an emotional state where any decisions you make regarding your interaction with them is based on logic and sense, not out of an emotional neediness or loneliness. That's where I am right now, and it's not easy, but I'm getting there.

[Toddstar]

She still sends me unsolicited emails. Sadly, I cannot block her because we do share a child but I was very clear with her about not to send me anything unless it related directly to our son. The crazy lady is now sending "accidental" emails, emails she said she didnt meant to send to me, of a personal nature, and she sent them by "accident".

Anyone else dealing with this sort of lunacy? Its really starting to annoy me. If this is what she wanted to accomplish, she's doing a good job! I cant forget about her because she wont let me

[UnrealTairo]

yep, how old is the kid? Dont communicate with her at ALL for a while and you can find things out threw your child instead. Or if the kid is too young ignore ALL emails and ALL comments that have nothing to do with the kid.

Lets say she says dropping her/him off at 6pm
then proceeds to type 4 paragraphs about her feelings or going off etc. Nothing to do with things.

your response is what?
it "should" be, ok see you at 6 then
End email.
100% ignore anything / comment responsiveness wise. angry sad whatever.
If she sends 20 emails or 500 IM's and you haven't wrote back once, just ignore them 100% unless its a direct and short question/answer about your kid.
It's actually easy once she pisses you off enough about it to do this.

[Toddstar]

He's 3. Yes, I am getting very pissed off at her for here immaturity. So frustrating. Shes 35 for God's sake! Time to grow up, no? I know I played games with her at one point but not any more.

[HeartIsAching]

You CAN block her. You don't need email from her. There's still the mailbox, and the telephone.

Telephones (for voice communications) are very effective tools for communicating with her. When she starts to go off on a tangent you say "Is this relevant?"

That'll shut her bullshit down... and if it doesn't, just say "I'm hanging up now." and DO IT.

You don't need to give her any control.

[girl68]

It is likely "you want what you cannot have".

[oldskool83]

child game blow, seems older people get more of the game they are willing to play. problem here is you got emotions, she might but they are not where yours are. childen in the middle of things do not help. try and find outlet to block what you dont want and only let contact in via your child.

you have to decide who much of whatever your willing to deal with, saying no and being stern is fine. once practiced enought times one can learn they will be respected and BS will can start to be less.

[Wakeup]

Take back your personal power, Todd. Stop the drama. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Let her phone calls go to voice mail and if it's not about your son then just ignore, ignore, ignore. Close down your personal email and open a new account that she can't access. Calmly and matter-of-factly let her know that you've disabled the email she has access to and to please make all contact regarding your son via phone and that if you don't pickup could she please leave a voice mail and you'll get back to her as soon as possible.

[Toddstar]

Something about this forum; it really does lift my mood when things seem bleak. But...they do say you achieve what you focus on. ALl I have been focusing on is why is she doing this, what is she doing, ad nauseum. So I wind up feeling like crap because I am focusing on crap. Focus on the good and I will become good. Easier said than done.

"So another man lives with my family. Things didnt work out like I had thought. Accepting that is not easy. But easy doesnt always enter into grown up life." From the Weatherman. Amazingly wise and true.

[Toddstar]

I miss her today. Or I miss companionship. I'd like to hold someone again.