Please HELP. My GF still talks to her ex

[vv15629]

Ok well we've been together about 7 months. And about 2 month into it i caught her text her one ex bf, said stuff like i miss you plus just a lot of harmless back and fourth chit chat. I confronted her about it she got upset and said shed stop. she eventually did stop talking to him.

But then i found she was texting a different ex and it was mostly harmless and she did say a couple things to kinda push him away. But i can read her like a book and recently again i could tell something was up so i had to check her phone again (which is such a shame that i have to do this). SO i found her texting that same ex again and said stuff like she misses him and so other b/s. So i confronted her and told her that i dunno if i do this anymore and she started crying hysterically and and swore that this the last time and she done w/ talking to him. I must say that this recent time catching her we were able to have a good conversation and i think i was really able to get through to her better compared to previous times where she get defensive and we just fight

Now i do wanna say that its not like she just dogs me, we sleep together every night and she gives me a lot of effection and attention. tells me often she loves me and how good i am for her. everything is normal on the outside i guess but this stuff is eating me up.

I really do love her and i keep wanting believe bc she does seem so sincere about stopping. It just really always having the thought of what she said to her ex in my head.

[carl1222]

Your concerns are certainly understandable, but I have a few questions:

1. How long were they together (the ex she texts)?

2. When and why did they break up?

3. When she said "I miss you" was it in reponse to him saying it first? Like "I miss you too?"

4. Other than "I miss you" was there anything in their texts that suggested they may be planning to meet?

5. You said "i could tell something was up" ... what made you think that something was up?

6. What is her ex's current relationship status? Single? In a relationship? Recently broken up?

Ordinarily, I would see a red flag from a text that says "I miss you" but the fact that she apparently isn't hiding anything from you, the way she treats you and her response to your objections reduces it to a yellow flag. It sounds like two people with a history together remaining friends.

Carl.

[Anomaly]

The most important part of a relationship is trust. Another huge part of a relationship is also friendship. So she might have broken up with those guys, but she still can be friends with them. You can't be controlling like that, her phone is her private possession, and you can't go looking at it without her permission. Because after a while, she will get sick of that and move on. There's no point in being in a relationship if you don't wholeheartedly trust the person who you are with, it's not good for either party involved.

As long as you are happy, and living together like you say that you are, there's absolutely no point in spying on her and being paranoid. Because if you are, she will realize that you don't trust her, and that's the worst thing possible. Give her, her own space, and she will give you yours. If she wanted to be with those other guys, she wouldn't be with you. Don't chase her away with jealousy, I know that from my own experience. I've had to learn these things the hard way.. I wish you both the best of luck!

[lilmama615]

I agree with everything Anomaly said. EVERYTHING. I haven't been in a relationship as wonderful as the one I am currently in now. He doesn't look thru my phone and I don't look thru his. I trust him as he trusts me as well. If anything, I'll tell him that I'm talking to this person or that person that day because I care about him and don't want to hurt him in any way. If he feels that I don't need to talk/correspond with that person any longer then I stop.

As an example, we both have a mutual friend who keeps txt'n me and my guy feels like this individual is trying to make moves but I don't see it cause I just see him as one of our friends but it seems even after I told him that he couldn't txt me or call me anymore cause my guy doesn't like it, he said he understood and stopped for like 2 days... but txt'd me again earlier today so it makes me think.. was my guy right in telling me that I had to put a stop to it? I do think that people can remain friends but I also understand a man's point of view because sometimes "SHIT HAPPENS"..and you don't want the opportunity for anything to just happen.