Obsessive Behavior.

[MaliZusoki]

I am a nineteen-year-old girl in the second year of university.
My problem is the following:

- i desperately long for a soulmate, that i have never had
- i'm feeling very (socially) insecure about myself, partially due to deafness (one hearing-aid in the right ear, the other completely deaf)
- so: every guy that kind of shares (parts of) my interests (like, broadly defined, arts, culture, poetry, even a boh�mien lifestyle) is in danger when we meet, for,
- but one or two times of eye contact (coincidentally or not) are enough to set this cruel flame within me.
- next: my mind stays searching for further signs of shared "passion" and will analyse every possible gesture (like striking through his hair and turning his head toward me), while my eyes will keep returning to the same spot, that poor guy of my fixation, during college.
- that person becomes idealized, which causes every hope to be lost: for the expectations of who he is (his character ed, his ability for being a soulmate) have already become too high to be realistic, and thus condemn possible mutual love.
- never will we ever talk to each other, because i, in spite of this obsessive being in love, now am no longer able to make normal eyecontact with that young man, due to the tension. Every time i try to look him in the eye, i freeze (like "darker than black" in another thread) and i can't control my face to make nearly invisible but uncontrollable shock-movements, and i look away in a flash.
- the result: even when this guy was attracted to me, he would by now be completely disencouraged.

This is an extremely annoying negative spiral, one that i haven't had before i went to university,
and though i acknowledge this, reason seems to be defeated by these emotional reactions in the brains.

I truly hope this strange phase is going to disappear soon. I've already been working on my low self-esteem for quite a couple of years.

Any helpful comments, users who recognize this or just simply your thoughts/opinions/more questions?
Thanks! (And please, don't be rude. I know that this is not normal)

[lastwish]

Some guys like shy girls like you. Maybe smile at him next time you see him and try to strike up a conversation.

[Doc Durian]

Or flash him quickly a few times and say, "I'm learning morris code."

[traceylee36]

Just be yourself. Men like real

[Illusional]

there is nothing wrong with a deaf girl first of all. you shouldn't use that excuse against yourself. the best part about not being able to hear, is that don't have to hear others complain and bitch...

anyways, being that you're into art, i would think that is a bonus. usually people who are into art, like myself, can often see things from a different angle. (whoa i sound very intelligent now) anyhow, i feel that people will look at you from a different interest. being shy can be very sexy imo. girls that are too loud just come off and immature and idiotic if you ask me. you should focus on whatever traits you feel strongest about, and being those qualities into the light.

raverboy

[dewilliams2]

Totally agree with Illusional here. I would not hesitate to approach a deaf woman and begin a conversation and even ask her out. One of my best friends is deaf and he is one of the funniest guys I know, he has a wife and two daughters and lives a normal social life. Confidence is key and yours is kinda low right now from what I can tell.

Its all kind of like watching a clock, when you watch a clock time doesn't seem to move....when you wait for love it never finds you....you have to stop looking for it and all of a sudden it just shows up. What I mean is a lot of times nerves and other variables of emotion can get in the way of finding a partner but when you just relax and have no expectations then you are not nervous and you seem more confident and approachable.

Also truly don't be afraid to approach a guy you like and as I said don't have expectations just make small talk and if he doesn't ask you out no worries...look around there are billions of us walking around. But when you engage in a conversation with him then you are making yourself available to be asked out.

[Doc Durian]

I reckon that deaf gals are sexy.

It means that a girl who otherwise is 100 percent intact and viable is treated somewhat differently by a small portion of society because of a perceived fault which really isn't a fault (how many animals have naturally diminuished hearing capabilities?)

To me, a deaf gal has met a whole lot of arseholes and knows the difference between a decent bloke and a tossbag.

If a deaf gal is smart, funny, and attractive... that just means that arseholes have passed her by.

I've crushed, smashed, broken, fractured more bones than I sometimes think is possible to possess in a human body. I have scars virtually anywhere and everywhere. What can I say... I take a lot of risks, but have survived them so far.

If some gal reckoned that my scars, suture marks, and unnoticed subtle physiological differences were a balck mark on her dating card... I'd be exhuberant that I found that out early enough to not get emotionally, and particularly.... physically, involved.

It only takes one egg and one drop of sperm.... then your life is changed, not always for the better.

Yeah.... a semi-deaf gal going off in bed and not realizing how loud she was.... very f'ng sexy.

[MaliZusoki]

Well, I appreciate the comments.

Frankly, by now I've realised that indeed, I mustn't be too eager to find love. It show up when you do not look for it (as some have said already) and I'm encouraged by the fact (as yet again some here have pointed out) that a good guy "wouldn't mind" my hearing problems.
I obviously haven't met the right person (after two relationships), which will come in time (i hope so) although i'm rather excentrique/bizarre.

(p.s. raverboy: people who are into art view indeed everything from a different angle. But I often think that they're doomed for being so... strange-minded. Being deaf makes it only worse, although sometimes I revel in being out of the crowd. At other times it just sucks.)

[dewilliams2]

Well, I appreciate the comments.

Frankly, by now I've realised that indeed, I mustn't be too eager to find love. It show up when you do not look for it (as some have said already) and I'm encouraged by the fact (as yet again some here have pointed out) that a good guy "wouldn't mind" my hearing problems.
I obviously haven't met the right person (after two relationships), which will come in time (i hope so) although i'm rather excentrique/bizarre.

(p.s. raverboy: people who are into art view indeed everything from a different angle. But I often think that they're doomed for being so... strange-minded. Being deaf makes it only worse, although sometimes I revel in being out of the crowd. At other times it just sucks.)

Personally I don't see a woman who isn't eccentric or bizarre (I am myself)....Normal is boring so trust me there are guys out there looking for that.