Insecurities Increased From Her Mistake!!??

[keepitdeep]

Thanks for taking the time out, this has been bugging me for a few month now.

Ive been with my Girlfriend for 2 1/2 years now, and its the first real relationship ive been in....she was my first and im now 22. Unfortunately i wasnt her first and after speaking about it, she Claims to have only slept with 4 Guys..Three of whom were her BF at the time and 1 random "Mistake". Before me she was with a guy for about 9 months until she came to uni and the distance and him not making any effort was the last straw for her. I started talking to her when things where complicated and as soon as they had finished there relationship, we grew close...always talkin on Msn and about 3months later we were offical.....Ok.....So about 1yr 1/2 into our relationship she left her facebook on and as Us nosey people do i had a snoop and found msg's between the two, most of it was light banter but at times it started to seem like light flirting("when am i gonna come see you house?")...I always am open with her as i sed id be from the start of the relationship...i told her what i saw...she asked me if id prefer her not to spk 2 him and i said yes....Ok..so about 5 months later,for some weird reason i was getting dodgy vibes from her whenever she was on facebook (never checking inbox Etc), so being a IT guy i hack her FB (Not proud) and i found more msgs between them...it involved her being v.curious about how many girls he'd gotten with on his recent holiday,asking more than once (WHY THE INTEREST!??)...and the KILLER blow..he said "i see your ina relationship,hows that going?"
She said "Ahh you know thats how i always have my status"



Once again i confronted her and said it was over...She went hysterical..crying apologizing...saying he means nothing to her....Her main excuse was "i Only wanted to see if he'd come onto me so i could reject him!, as he treated me like shit in the past!"

As a guy i don't understand that..however girls Ive talked too seem to.

I Love this girl with all my heart and this all happened 2weeks before our final year at university exams!!I Have no idea why but after all the argument i thought too myself that i wouldn't break up with her now...id ride it out and break up with her after we finish as i didn't want her 2 Fail because of a break...IT MAY SOUND STUPID but that's EXACTLY what went through my mind!!

So obviously for the next few days she was doing everything to make it up 2 me and over time and after speaking about it many times i began to forgive her and deal with it, She deleted his number removed him from FB and even blocked him..so it seems genuine????!! ANYWAY ive managed to get her email address password and i vowed to myself if i ever saw anything dodgy id end it!(She gets facebook updates to her hotmail!)

Now we in summer and we live 2hrs apart driving and we only see each other once every 2wk...

Just tonight i went on her Hotmail and i saw a msg from 1 guy(another guy who i saw sending her flirtatious message in the past but shes adamant hes just a friend, nothing was ever bad on her part thou)

the msg said

"Hey Young lady you better stop poking me or im gonna poke you 4 real!!..lol"

OK I know that isnt really Bad and isnt anything to cause a fuss about but after everything thats happened it just brings up everything thats happened in the past.

Theres me thinking - "why is she poking this guy!!!???"

"is she just looking for attention again?IF
so how far will she go for attention!?!?"

Ok i love this girl with all my heart but i Think how im feeling and acting isnt healthy....can this relationship carry on? if so how!?!? how can i get past this all?how can i fully trust her again???Am i over reacting!??


Im really sorry about the length of this Thread..there's 1 more bit but ill only add it if someone wants to know...please advice would be great...cheers

[Doc Durian]

Stop looking at her private messages and emails.

It's wrong, and you're likely to drive her into the behaviour you're suspecting her of.

If you don't trust her, leave her.

If you want to trust her, but can't. Talk to her about it and vow to her that you're finished with being a snoop.

If she ever presents signs (offline) of being a cheat, emotionally or physically, take it to her and ask for an explanation.

Again, don't read peoples private matters.

[Rollerderby]

I agree with Doc, you are very wrong for snooping. From whay I see, your relationship is irrepairable. You don't trust her, snoop, and for some reason she hasn't dumped you for this behavior yet.

Just because you ahve the keys, doesn't mean you should turn the lock. Ever heard of Pandora's box? You are either working towards something bigger with her, or you are working towards an end. Chances are, she just needs the flirtation because of the own insecurities. But if you can't trust her without snooping, you need to let her go.