To pursue or not? new guy needs help.

[innocentguy]

hi people,
I've tried searching for the answer but cant find it, inside of me, or with that search button up top.

so hopefully i can get some solid advice here.
I'll try and keep it short.

There is this girl in one of my classes, she was always smiling and such at me, so one day (last coupel days of class), i decided to ask her for her number, and get together sometime to do some studying.

so anyways, i call her up one day, leave a message, almost immediately she calls back, saying she wants to get together "right now" and study.so whatever i go meet up with her.
everything is going great good conversations good bonding, like really smoothly. I never put the 'mack' on her, i was just trying to get a guage for her, and i really needed to study... and i'm a pretty good judge of signal reading, if i do say so my self, i'm pretty sure there is a genuine attraction on her part towards me. infact i know. or thought i did....

so anyways we're clicking very well very nicely, we go get a drink, and go for a little walk.

Then out of left field, to me at least, she drops the boyfriend bomb. "my friends and my boyfriend...."really quickly

ok this is odd, I was just gonna slander the guy right there, but since the mackage wasnt on i just decided to let it go.

I wassnt really hitting on her, what i would consider hittin on her, you know giving compliments, getting physical etc... is this where i went wrong by not hitting on her? there was flirting you know but nothing that i would have done if this wasnt at school, i'm a very private person.

I really think this girl has a genuine attraction for me, or she's just totally messing with my head, in wich she is doing a good job.

so anyways we're supposed to get together again, this was before i was made aware of this boyfriend thing, she says "she'll call me". heres where the problem is, personally i think she is jocking for control over what could be the begining of a relationship. wants to see if i will pursue her... or she wants to see if she is still attractive to other guys (whislt being with her boyfriend who i dont know btw)
But what do i know, thats why i'm asking here...

should i pursue this or should i let her call me?

my initial instict was to pursue it, normally if i see something i want i go after it, but she did say she will call me...

but the boyfriend thing, just threw me off, like everything was going so well, i know. this was near the end of our little study session, after we had made plans to do something outside of school, by making plans i mean agreeing to do something physical. not actually setting a date.

Next time we meet i am definately putting the boyfriend thing on her, I want to ask her what thats all about. and see where we stand. I'm definately going to ask her to go out with me and try and ask about what she feels... I may have know sent her the wrong vibes unintentionally, i just really focus on school, and really did need to study. If i could get her outside of school, like privately, i'd totally do up the mackafication process. But you know i think i went wrong without giving her compliments, which she seemed to be fishing for, but i thought all that was ommisable since i initiated the second meet up conversation...

I'm really just confused, a part of me wants to pursue it, but i dont want to come off as overly aggressive...
can someone help i really like this girl. she is older than me by 4 years, but we just had an awesome time....

i dont know why she droped the boyfriend bomb on me at the end, it just has me in knots right now...i'm all out of shape...

did i mention i really like her?

[Chlorine]

innocent guy------I was in a similar situation. Met a guy at a friends place, he asked for my number. Called me at work pretending to ask a question, asked me out.
In the middle of our nice little date, he mentioned as a by-the-way, his girlfriend. I was very surprised. Asked him where his girlfriend was, he said :"At work".
Turned out he was bored with his girlfriend and on the prowl for someone new to date. But he didn't want to dump his girlfriend until he was sure he could find someone suited to him.

Terrible tactics.

[innocentguy]

yeah i know, what is she gonna do with me right....

thats what i dont like a bout the situation...

i'm so confused.

[Chlorine]

innocentguy-----Well, if her boyfriend finds out, he won't be pleased. Tread with caution.

[innocentguy]

as far as i'm concerned that is his problem.

if she decides to not tell him, then its whatever thats her choice.

i personally dont know why she has to have a replacement before moving on...
pretty shallow

[innocentguy]

if that is infact the case.

i've pretty much made up my mind i'm going to pursue this. i'm going to give her a call on sunday and set up another study sesh, and see where it goes from there. hopefully someplace less confusing.

i want this girl, i'm gonna get her.

[music_jim]

innocentguy-----Well, if her boyfriend finds out, he won't be pleased. Tread with caution.

Or you'll become innocentvictim.

Pursue but restrain yourself. Keep things strictly friendly. I've been under the radar of jealous boyfriends, believe me... not the place to be. If she's possibly looking for a replacement, that should be an indicator of his... behavior.

[innocentguy]

well to me it doesnt really matter about the boyfriend, i can handle myself.
the issue is surrounding the boyfriend, but i guess the main issue is if i should persue aggressively or not.

i just hope i havent beenput in the just friend category (or the recycle bin of the brain)

[innocentguy]

well thats the main issue to me, anyway, is if i should actively / aggressively pursue....
keep in mind i am indifferent about her boyfriend comming to do whatever...

[music_jim]

well to me it doesnt really matter about the boyfriend, i can handle myself.
the issue is surrounding the boyfriend, but i guess the main issue is if i should persue aggressively or not.

i just hope i havent beenput in the just friend category (or the recycle bin of the brain)

I understand your concern about going into "friend zone".

But I must say, you sound like I did a few months ago when it comes to her boyfriend. Keep in mind dude, you don't know what you could be dealing with.

It's been said, pursue but don't be aggressive about it. Keep testing the waters. Sounds like you're getting impatient already, which is not a good signal to put across.

[innocentguy]

i am impatient.
and i'm getting anxious about it which is why i just want to put it out there, and get it over with....
i know what your saying but seriously all i have been thinking about is this crap its affecting other parts of my life, i'm sitting here on a friday night yapping about this when i could be out....

[music_jim]

Patience is a virtue. Sucks, but that's how it is.

If you get impatient with her, that could show desperation, which most of the time is the kiss of death, with an almost guaranteed rejection. Don't force yourself into that realm.

If it doesn't work out, there'll be others. I know that sounds like a crock, it did to me a while back, but it's true.

[innocentguy]

i'm going to handle the situation as tactfully as possible but i really just need to know where i stand.
screw this head games nonsense.

[Gigabitch]

well to me it doesnt really matter about the boyfriend, i can handle myself.

Could you handle him and two of his buddies? Maybe she's the kind of girl who likes cranking guys up and then watching her bf beat their asses.

or... she really likes you and wanted to be up front about the bf, just in case you found out about him. She could be breaking up with him right this minute.

or...she wants an MFM

or...she wants out of her relationship with the bf and lacks the personal integrity to end one thing before starting another.

Gosh, how could you find out?

[innocentguy]

depends how big and how much experience they have fighting.

i hope thats the case. but i think she's just playing.

whats a MFM

one of my fears

i guess i will have to ask.