Break-up. How do I get her back (WALL of TEXT)

[Stefan89]

Hello everyone. I am new here. I'm afraid this will be a very long text but I hope some of you will have the time to read it and help me.

I am 20 years old, a male from Sweden.
I've had my share of relationships, but this has been something else.
Where do I start writing this fairytale down?

Here: OK.

So. I was together with my old girlfriend Julia for over a year. Over a year is long time when you're a teenager. She broke up with me, we fought too much. I know it. I know why it happened, but I handled desperately to get her back. (Wrong way).

4 Weeks went by, and I went to go out on a bar. While on the bar, I see this girl. It strucks me in one second. I need this girl. This was about the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Not sexy, not cute, not handsome, just completely gorgeous by nature. I can't restrain myself from saying "hello".

So we did.

I instantly fell in love. It was really "love at first sight."'

We dated. She said on the first date: "I don't want a relationship, I'm sorry." I respected it, but we continued to see each other.

We had fun like hell every weekend. We had GREAT sex. She slept over, she held my hand and kissed me publically after 2 weeks. I felt great. The most gorgeous girl ever, she's in love with me.



Then.... "Break up" number 1:

It was a party day here in Sweden. I was drunk, and said something to her about us. She said "Stefan, I'm sorry. As I told you, I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm sorry." I was hurt like hell. Then the next day we continued to see each other. She seemed as in love like she's always been.

3 weeks later

"Break up" number 2:

She was away for one weekend with her gymnastics-team.

When she came back, she was quite weird. She usually calls me 4-5 times a day and seemed ridicoulusly in love with me. Now she didn't. I waited three days and called her, she said "I'm sorry. I realized we almost had a relationship, and as I said, I'm not ready for that... I don't have any feelings for you."

I said "Really? Are you sure?"

She was sure, and we hung up. We didn't talk for THREE WEEKS.

We started to meet again. Everything was perfect. I told her "Don't give me false hopes now! Stop holding my hand! Stop kissing me! Stop having sex with me!" She said "Yeah.. I'm so sorry Stefan. I just want us to be friends."

It went 3 days, and we were back to where we've always been. Hugging, kissing, having sex, everything.

One day, she suddenly stopped with this.

Time for... yeah, you guessed it.

"Break Up" number 3:

I called her up at night. She said "Do you want to come over tomorrow and hang with me and my friends?"

I said: "Yes of course. But really... You need to stop what you're doing... Why didn't you kiss me at all last time we met?"

She said "I told you why, I'm sorry. I don't have any feelings for you. I thought I told you a hundred times now."

I said "Fine. You've been playing with my heart forever now. I can't take it any more. Go **** yourself, and please, for your future. Respect other people. Go to hell, **** you." and I hang up.

THEN, the best night of my life



3 days later, she calls me.

She says "I've been thinking about you the last three days. 24 Hours a day... I miss you like crazy. I need you. I've been giving it a lot of thought. I just can't live without you... I've always been crazy in love with you but I havent been able to admit it to myself since I've been so afraid of relationships.. Give me one chance. Meet me tomorrow"

As I am crazy in love, I meet with her.

We take a walk around the cliffs at the sea, and at sunset she says "I can't live without you, I want to be your girlfriend. Will you give me this chance?"

Of course I say "Yes", and I'm the happiest man on earth.

BUT.. How can I trust her? She's "dumped" me three times? Now she wants me?

Now, to the problem:

She "broke up" with me 3 times. Now she says she's in love with me. And that I am the first guy who actually gave her these feelings.

I cannot trust her. And this relationship suffers from it. We see each other alot, she even tells me after 2 months that she loves me, and she has never told anyone else that before. It doesn't help. I still don't trust her.

My lack of trust brings up the conversation a lot. Long nights of crying from both sides since I can't "Trust her". She gets hurt a lot, and I get hurt like hell.

So, when we talked last weekend, we talked about this again. Both were crying our eyes out for 3-4 hours a row. Then she spits it out... "I don't think we can be together anymore. I can't see how it will work."

She breaks up with me. And I do understand her. If I would trust her from the beginning, this would never happen.

She's the love of my life. I have never felt feelings like this EVER before, and neither has she.

I havent called her. We havent heard from each other at all. But I've been thinking, these are the main reasons why I think I've been acting like I did:

1. Our story of "dumpings"

2. My old girlfriend was just TOO Much. Example, if I gave her flowers. She would post 100 pictures on facebook, and write 10 posts on her blog about it. She was just too crazy for me and I needed someone more mature and calmer. This new girl was exactly what I needed, I just didn't realize it since I was so used to my old girlfriends behaviour.

So.

This new girls best friend just told me: "Don't give up. She's still in love with you, she told me this. BUT,´I think it will be hard to convince her.... "

So. She is STILL in love with me. I'm her FIRST real love. It just didn't work cause I never trusted her fully out to enjoy the relationship the most.

What do I do? I don't want to be desperate by saying "I need you" or "I can't live without you". I want her to understand that I don't NEED her. I just WANT US. Since I'm too smart for that. That would make her even more sure of what she's done.

Please, can someone help me with this. Should I call her up now once 7 days has passed from not hearing from each other and say that I know the reason to my doubts on her feelings?

What should I do? She even admitted herself that she never MEANT to broke up. She's still in love with me, never meant to broke up but is just determined that "We will not work, since you cannot trust my feelings"

PLEASE, LOVE FORUM, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[Gigabitch]

Call her. Tell her you need her. Tell her you ****ed up and you want another chance.

[carl1222]

Call her. Tell her you need her. Tell her you ****ed up and you want another chance.

Giga ... you just have to stop using sarcasm in such a convincing way! I thought you were being sincere at first, and I KNOW how you are!!

Stefan ... she's a flake. Unless you can live your life on a roller coaster, you should look elsewhere. She has feelings for you, but just can't stand to take responsibility for any of them. Too bad you have feelings for her though ... she'd make a perfect f**k buddy!

Carl.

[LonelyEngineer]

Does she trust u ????

you dont trust her cos what she did before, but that was BEFORE she opened her heart and told u what she fells about YOU.

You have to tell her WHY u dont trust her and ask her if she wants 2 to stay with u, of course she will tell u yes so u gotta work together on those lil thinks that are killing ur love.

1 Find the problem with her
2 talk about the problem with her
3 try to find a solution with her

its easy for me to tell u that, but believe me Ive been on the same situation u are. If both of u LOVE each other that MUCH it will just make both suffer...

If u believe shes THE ONE for u FIGHT FOR HER and try to find out if she thinks the same about you.

DON'T GIVE UP

Of course u will suffer but that's the price u pay for loving that much, and thats a small price for a great feeling.

[tonks]

It could be possible that you are showing that you are persistant with her. And that you really do want to be with her.
It could really go two ways. She stays with you.. or she keeps breaking up with you.
I guess you just got to make her trust you that you really do want it all with her.

[jonahj]

You have some tough decisions on your hands. It's not easy (none of this ever is) but you have to ask yourself some hard questions. You have to figure out before anything, is she worth it? She seems like she is very undecided--She loves you one minute and then not the next.

Believe it or not--I think this is more about the way you treat her that the way that she actually feels. Look at what happened, as soon as you stop caring and say go away, she comes running back to you harder than ever before.

The mind of women is a very interesting thing. They do NOT work like guys do at all. There is tons of psychology behind it and I'd recommend you'd do some reading on it, because unless you understand it, you will continue to play these games.

It sounds like you really do care about this girl and you want it to continue. It's almost like a game to get your ex girlfriend back even though she's not technically your girlfriend. You have to stop whatever it is your doing and take a good hard look at the facts. Do you care about her enough to save the relationship? How much work / effort are you willing to put in? Has your plan in the past worked or do you need a new one?

It seems like she's stayed along for a while now, so you definitely have the potential. You just need a plan on how to get her in line. You can do it man, I have faith. I've been there too.

[Gigabitch]

Giga ... you just have to stop using sarcasm in such a convincing way! I thought you were being sincere at first, and I KNOW how you are!!

Stefan ... she's a flake. Unless you can live your life on a roller coaster, you should look elsewhere. She has feelings for you, but just can't stand to take responsibility for any of them. Too bad you have feelings for her though ... she'd make a perfect f**k buddy!

Carl.

Believe it or not, Carl, I wasn't being sarcastic. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true.