Controlling, Paranoia, WHAT DO I DO?!

[maggiesxrevenge]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years in 2 weeks. Ever since I was in this relationship I started to get very protectice and very paranoid when he went to his new school. I would hate that he would even metion another girl. I would get pissed off and mad with him if he talked to another girl, wanted to hang out with another girl. I was so afraid of losing him that I was losing him because of it. However there were a few incidents when he lied to me about where he was and what he was doing and such like that. We broke up which lasted about a day, and then we were back together. I've been so paranoid ever since. I don't want to be cheated on but I realise that I have to back down and trust him that he hasn't cheated because there is no evidence that he has and I'm not about to go looking for any, trust me. What I can say is that I don't want to be paranoid anymore, how do I stop this? How can I become laid back and just trust what my boyfriend tells me? How do I stop this?, I don't want to be paranoid anymore. I don't want to question and get upset.

Please help me, I love him with all my heart, I want to marry him but I want to change for him.

Can you give me some advice?

[jurupa]

I bet the reason he lied to you is because you pushed him to lie to you. I am surprise he has not dumped you because of your stupid paranoia and controlling behavior. And I bet you have lied more than once to your boyfriend as well.

[Miss hotty]

You have just took the biggest step by yourself and that is admiting that you are wrong so that is a very good sign and i hope you get the help you need i can tell buy the way you talk that you really love this guy and you don't want to feel the way you do so i think you have a very good chance good luck

[anachronistic]

something is lacking in your relationship that made you insecure in the first place. find out what that is, mend it. perhaps you weren't completely exclusive with eachother or something, i do not know.

once you did that, you and he will need to work at building trust back up-- that is if you both want to get back together. this could all take a very long time. complete honesty is earned through true friendship. true friendship is rare. that's why some relationships just never work out.

[Miss hotty]

something is lacking in your relationship that made you insecure in the first place. find out what that is, mend it. perhaps you weren't completely exclusive with eachother or something, i do not know.

once you did that, you and he will need to work at building trust back up-- that is if you both want to get back together. this could all take a very long time. complete honesty is earned through true friendship. true friendship is rare. that's why some relationships just never work out.

wow the last time made me stop and think wow i'm speach less

[LostNotFound]

wouldn't it be better he told you oh i went out with my mates today and x y and z girl were there? at least that way he's being honest and you don't need to be paranoid?

[vashti]

You guys are too young to be thinking about marriage. Aren't you about to be a senior in high school?

This is exactly what high school romances are all about: drama. Forget him and move on.

[Gigabitch]

Focus on yourself- this is a Maggie problem, not an Adam problem, so try to leave him out of it as much as possible.

You'll grow out of quite a bit of your insecurity as you get older and accomplish things. It really comes down to being able to understand why he would choose to be with you when he could be with somebody else. Right now, you clearly don't think you have what it takes to keep him interested, even though there's all kinds of evidence showing you that he's solid.

I think you should do something that will boost your confidence. What do you think is impressive? (i.e.- rock climbing or being in a band or something) You need to impress yourself, not him.

[anachronistic]

You guys are too young to be thinking about marriage. Aren't you about to be a senior in high school?

This is exactly what high school romances are all about: drama. Forget him and move on.

it's not really an age thing.. one of my best friends just graduated from high school and is married to the love of his life.

it's more a matter of maturity type thing. if you're going to get married you had best be faithful and trust the other person with your heart. in maggie's case, marriage is a hell no with this guy. a year is definitely not enough time to build what it takes for a life-long relationship, and she's got problems already.

[maggiesxrevenge]

it's not completely out of the question, i dont lie. I've lied once to him and it wasn't a big deal at all and he laughed about it. The paranoia was brought on by him hiding everything and not telling me things anymore. its starting to change, i can see it. and thank youto those that support me on this. today i brought him ot with me with my friends because its something THAT I WANTED TO DO and it was amazing he showed himself then and after when we were alone we talked and stuff and it was so different. ive taken advice about just letting go and trusting him, and today it worked and he noticed i think.

we are doing better i can feel it.

thank you all :-)

[vashti]

it's not really an age thing.. one of my best friends just graduated from high school and is married to the love of his life.

Talk to me in 5 years. Every love is the love of your life in high school.

[jurupa]

i dont lie.

Bull shit.

I've lied once to him and it wasn't a big deal at all and he laughed about it.

See I knew it was bull shit. And I bet you lied a lot more than once as well, but I bet you did not see it as one and I bet you justified it as well so you won't consider it a lie. No one is 100% honest, if you think you are your bull shitting your self.

[maggiesxrevenge]

i don't lie. a lie to me is something that i should NOT have told. i've lied once to him about something minor for a freakin surprise so yeah i dont lie becauase i have to reason to. sorry i dont think i'm perfect but i dont feel the need to lie.

[anachronistic]

Talk to me in 5 years. Every love is the love of your life in high school.

damnit vashti. every ****in time we get into this argument. in 5 more years your old ass will have another completely different point of view. "oh, don't get married until you're fifty!"

*some* people mature more quickly than others. it's not a matter of age. if i am wrong, explain to me why there is marriages fresh out of high school that work. exactly. you're going to fumble in your words and try to come up with these ridiculous statistics and try to baffle me with your 'old age wisdom'.

[jurupa]

i don't lie. a lie to me is something that i should NOT have told. i've lied once to him about something minor for a freakin surprise so yeah i dont lie becauase i have to reason to. sorry i dont think i'm perfect but i dont feel the need to lie.

So you told your girl friend that her dress/top/hair/whatever made her look fat or ugly if you thought so?