I’m in a bit of a pickle here

[jixblix]

I’ve been in a serious relationship for the past 9 months. It’s a young relationship. The first few months were great. We had alot of fun together and enjoyed each other’s company. I guess that’s the bliss stage of the relationship.

We’d recently taken a trip together to visit some friends of mine in the states. Now I had the best time ever. I think for our first trip together we did pretty well considering we were together 9 days straight and maybe only spent a total of four hours a part. He tells me on the last day however, he thinks I was ignoring him and he starts crying. I asked him what he wanted me to do. I’m trying to understand but I don’t. The purpose of the trip was to visit friends I’m lucky if I see once or twice a year. That trip wasn’t about us. His impression was it was going to be a trip like he and his friends take, the couples go off on their own and do stuff on their own. Different circumstances. Our accommodations when we all went for a three day road trip weren’t exactly ideal, but four of us were put in bunk beds because we rented a cabin. I was cool with it, felt like I was at summer camp. He got instantly scared and told me he couldn’t bare not sleeping next to me for those three nights, even though we were across the room from each other. There are times too when we’re watching a movie together that he’ll sit and just stare at me for minutes and minutes on end. I maybe overreacting to that, but it kinda creeps me out, it’s not a turn for me.

We’re in a tight spot because the trip we took together opened my eyes that not all seems right. I know my boyfriend’s had a rough childhood; an abusive father and neglectful mother. I haven’t had it easy myself but I’ve moved beyond my past and refused to let it rule my life. I’ve been in the process of talking out my issues with a councellor and it’s helped me to deal and move on. I love being around positive people and have exorcised negative influences from my life. I’ve never felt more at peace with myself. When we have a serious discussion or argument, well not really, he tends to cowar like a child does and whimpers don’t yell at me. He doesn’t handle confrontation well and when I stated my concerns about where things were headed he got defensive and took it as a personal attack. Now I think I know where that stems from. I’m not perfect and I know I have my problems. He told me he wants constant physical reassurance, a touch, a hand on the shoulder, etc. He wants that all the time. I’m not always in a touchy-feely mood although I do the best I can. I’m not sure but that seems to me that he wants the nurturing relationship he never had with his mother. I don’t think I can give that to him. I don’t want a child, if I did I would’ve had one by now. I feel bad that he never had that from his mother. It’s a very important thing to have. I’m 30 years old and am starting to get a grasp and have a sense of direction in my life. But this is starting drain me and I feel that our relationhip may already be beyond repair.

He thinks he’s a confident man. I told him that he doesn’t carry himself like a confident man. His response was I'm still here (implying that he hasn't killed himself) and that he's done well to survive. That doesn't mean you're confident. He slouches, when we’re with my family he sits in the corner like a gloomy gus and expects me to coddle him through it. He won't speak unless spoken to.

He also has symptoms of chronic depression. We've had the same discussion several times. The first time he said he was gonna get help but he didn't. He's afraid to admit that he has depression because he doesn't want to lose his son and end up in a mental institution. I told him he needs to read up on depression and educate himself on it, because that's not the case at all. I know alot of people who live with depression well because it's being treated and they actually acknowledge that they have it.

I suggested he get councelling because I think there are some deep issues there it seems. Now I’m no expert but I get a little nervous and I’m starting to think that the love I had is starting to fade. He’s extremely sensitive and I feel that if I end our relationship that it will destroy him. I’m honestly stuck. I have no idea what to do.