Emotional intimacy before sex

[lovesjoyajm]

Excuse this post, it's bound to be incoherent.

I always kind of worried that I would get involved with someone and then they would find out that I was religious and traditional when it comes to sex, and then there would be an awkward fizzle-out because come on, what guy is going to be ok with that? None.

Then this summer I got to know this guy pretty well over 3 months; we became "buddies", we would talk late into the night after everyone else was asleep - there was all kinds of sexual tension that other people even commented on, but it wasn't until the end that anything could happen. So when something finally did, I was completely comfortable around him, and we would talk completely openly about everything. He wanted to have sex, but he knew me and how I felt about it (and that we couldn't be together for long) so we didn't. He never even tried.

This has made me more confident, or at least less worried that it'll come to this awkward moment where he wants to have sex right now and I'm not ready, because I don't even think I would want to get to that point with someone I wasn't already emotionally intimate with.

But I get the feeling that may not be a safe assumption. I mean, what kind of emotional intimacy have you really achieved if you're having sex on the 3rd date? I'm not condemning this, just wondering if waiting till you know each other and are comfortable with each other is still a lot to ask.

[UKboy]

It puzzles me why you feel this way.I doubt your "what guy is going to be ok with that? None." holds any validation.
Listen.Coming from a guy,me,i prefer emotional intimacy over sex.I find that emotional intimacy is much difficult to acheive and i would prefer if i could bond emotionally than physically with the girl.That's assuming the girl isn't a drama queen.

[Gigabitch]

I honestly don't think it gets in the way, LJA, but I like the idea of making sure someone respects you and your beliefs before you open up to them. (especially your knees).

[Junket]

i would prefer if i could bond emotionally than physically with the girl.

You already should have.

They're most commonly known as your mother or sisters.

[lovesjoyajm]

I honestly don't think it gets in the way, LJA, but I like the idea of making sure someone respects you and your beliefs before you open up to them. (especially your knees).

Sorry, I don't quite understand what you mean. You don't think what gets in the way?

[meh28]

thats a silly question, of course theres boys who want a connection first, millions of them. its not just girls who want to wait until marriage either ya know

[BigQid]

As someone who waited til 26 to have sex, I'm going to say you shouldn't do it with anybody that you aren't completely comfortable and in love with. Sex might not always carry a special meaning, but your first will matter. Even more so if it is an extended relationship. If you want to do it, do it, but if not, don't. You are a female so any time you are offering it, there will be a taker. So no asking to wait is not too much, but I will just say that there are more than one way to have sex. Nowadays good girls are only sort of good.

[vashti]

But I get the feeling that may not be a safe assumption. I mean, what kind of emotional intimacy have you really achieved if you're having sex on the 3rd date? I'm not condemning this, just wondering if waiting till you know each other and are comfortable with each other is still a lot to ask.

No, it's not a lot to ask.

Are you still overseas? You MUST quit looking for love when you are on these trips. You are just ASKING for failed relationships. Why don't you come home and meet a nice local church boy so you can improvethe odds of establishing a meaningful relationship?

[lovesjoyajm]

No, it's not a lot to ask.

Are you still overseas? You MUST quit looking for love when you are on these trips. You are just ASKING for failed relationships. Why don't you come home and meet a nice local church boy so you can improvethe odds of establishing a meaningful relationship?

No worries, I don't plan on falling in love over here. I'm not into German guys, and I agree that it's dumb to fall in love when I'm only here for 5 more months. Did it last time, didn't end well. It was more of a general question.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with Vash, FWIW. Oh and I never slept with my BFs early on, and dumped most of them before they ever got near my nether regions.

A guy will be willing to wait for a quality girl. So let them. If they can't, their loss.

[Aeradalia]

Some guys are willing to wait... my bf waited 4 months... then we only had sex a few times before he left... now he'll have to till June to have it again. He was the one that wanted to take things slow in the beginning (I wasn't exactly wanting to jump in the sack immediately either)... as emotional intimacy matters greatly to him, as well as me. Sex is merely icing on the cake... it can amplify the affections you have for one another.