My girlfriend cheated on me :/

[Draugydob]

Hey there.

Me and my girlfriend have been long distance dating for a month (but admitted to really liking each other months before that). She's 16 and I'm 19. Age doesn't matter, I don't care. She's different...or so I thought.

Yesterday she told me that she made out with a guy at her friends house after having a couple drinks. She's Christian, but drinks/smokes sometimes.

Anyways, I know she only made out with a guy for a few minutes, but for me that is just as bad as having sex with another guy. She said she was up all night crying the past two nights, and regrets it beyond belief. I think I'm in love with her, and she says the same to me.


Before we add this to the failed LD relationships list, I decided Id give her another chance.


Anyways, I wanted to ask what I can to to rebuild my trust for her. Honestly, I dont trust her at all anymore, and she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I cant lose her...but Im thinking I need to. She promises me it will NEVER happen again, but neither of us can see the future.

She's my first girlfriend (even though its long distance). we used to have issues over our indivisual beliefs (her being christian and me being atheist) but right when I was about to tell her I put that all behind me, she comes out with this truth.


I am so lost, I need guidance. Ive never had my heart broken before (I felt a tear run down my face for the first time in probably 10 years :/). Feels like someone just took a hammer and blew it into a bazillion pieces. Its the worst feeling in the world. I cant leave her...I tried...shes so wonderful....


Gah. What would you do? Sorry for the lengthy post, and thankyou for reading

[Draugydob]

Hey Doppel, thankyou so much for hanging in there with me.

": she is a foolish, naive 16 year old high school girl. She is 16 and she is already smoking and drinking. Let me reiterate: she is a dumb little girl. The christian thing is a cover story for her. She contradicts her own apparent values. Furthermore, she is incredibly immature (but this is typical of those young 16 year olds) - she was crying because she cheated on you? That backwards."

Gah. This is what I was worried about. When we met, I knew she was different. I thought she was a mature girl. But like you said, she's only 16. I dont know why i feel so lost, Ive been hearing the same thing from everyone ("dump that slut!") but its SO hard. Im going to try again today.

Thanks for your support (:

[terra]

ONLY A MONTH??? I would be delighted to be cheated on only a single month into a relationship and have the incompatibility revealed right then rather than years down the road after real time was invested and real love was formed. One month, or even two months, is not enough time to form any kind of true feelings or true love about a person - all you're feeling is a chemical called oxytocin. You'll get over it.

[Draugydob]

I didnt have the strength to end it. Such a tool. She was crying and sounded so sad and I had to forgive her again and couldnt do it

I need to just man up and end it. swvnh;;;bwiuohwerfowp.

[hello1]

16, shes still a child and still learning. I think Christians are the worse! my boyfriend ex was a Christian and she cheated on her husband at the time and my boyfriend. They like to think they are godly but are far from it.

[Draugydob]

16, shes still a child and still learning. I think Christians are the worse! my boyfriend ex was a Christian and she cheated on her husband at the time and my boyfriend. They like to think they are godly but are far from it.

Thankyou so much. Sometimes I feel like im the only one that thinks it.

[Petit Papillon]

IMO, it's whatever if she's Christian or whatever, my God this girl is 16 yo. You don't start a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP , with a girl that probably can't even travel alone outside of the city. You're ridiculous.

And I'm Christian and I never cheated, and not because this is what christianity says - I just know what's right and wrong! Hello1 , if I would follow your ideology , I would say all english women are drunk and easy asses an they copulate in small streets outside of the bar,because this IS what I saw being there . Are you fine with that?

[hello1]

Actually my boyfriend ex was a polish Christian like you too...just saying....

[Dargali]

I think you're being very unfair, especially to a young girl, battering for her for her age? That's disgusting! When I was younger I was made to feel awful just for being young, something that could only be helped with time. With young people they need patience, tolerance and understand what they have done wrong. If she kissed someone else then obviously she had desire for that person even if it was only for a brief moment. At 19 you are the one who need to grow up and get over yourself and understand you are dating a child.

[kitkitkitty]

so much for worrying about if it would work cos of religion... anyone can go to church but NICE people don't cheat.
you've got 2 huge reasons as to why you should dump her. ever thought that she's good at turning on the water works? wants to have it all her way and still have a halo above her head? leave it NOW before you get even more sucked in. and it's not like you'll be seeing her round everywhere.

[Petit Papillon]

Actually my boyfriend ex was a polish Christian like you too...just saying....

The girls I saw on the streets ,drunk and ****ing random dudes were english,like you too ...Just saying....

[boobaa]

I think you're being very unfair, especially to a young girl, battering for her for her age? That's disgusting! When I was younger I was made to feel awful just for being young, something that could only be helped with time. With young people they need patience, tolerance and understand what they have done wrong. If she kissed someone else then obviously she had desire for that person even if it was only for a brief moment. At 19 you are the one who need to grow up and get over yourself and understand you are dating a child.

I agree with the last sentence. But not with the other sentences. Some girls just think that they can do everything while being a girl.

[Raven_Skye]

Well. Cheating in my mind, is never a forgiveable thing. I like to think I am able to give people a second chance, but once the trust is gone, that's it. For me, it doesn't come back. However, if you're able to do that, it's up to you.

But let's get back to basics. I've read the other thread. Did you guys ever meet? Because if the answer's no, then I'm sorry, you can't really call her your gf. Love of the minds might be, but until you meet you don't know if that's ever going to be it.
I have had a long distance relationship (Holland vs. UK) for a couple of years now, and I have recently broke it off. I couldn't bare seeing him every few months at most, it's the being close that matters. The making out at parties, the cuddling, the being there. No matter how much she might say she loves you.. it might be best to not do this if you can't be together every once in a while. Yes, everyone needs physical closeness with someone you love, if you can't have thta, you might slip and have it with someone else. I never did, but that's me.
It's not necessarily her age, or the difference that matters. My parents were 16 and 29 when they met and they've been together up until dad's death. Also it's not her religion and your lack off. I hate religion, don't get me wrong. Can't stand it. But if there's true love, that's not important.

But. True love when not having met I don't believe in. It's easy to love someone when they're far off, when you don't have to see and live their flaws day t day. It's easy to idealize someone then.

She might honestly, truly regret what she'd done. You believe that, then forgive her. If you notice you can't forgive her because the trust is gone, then get rid of her. Don't think of what anyone will think or say, think of what YOU feel. Only you.

[Draugydob]

Thanks for the reply.

'it might be best to not do this if you can't be together every once in a while. Yes, everyone needs physical closeness with someone you love, if you can't have thta, you might slip and have it with someone else. "

Scares me so much ^. I never look at girls the way I used to, and that was before we were dating. I can't imagine kissing another girl..I just cant. And like you say about the trust, Im hoping so much that I can get over the trust.

From her
"I feel like I dont deserve you. I know I dont and you can do so much better. ugh. I cant live with myself. This hurts so much...when we were chatting tonight, everytime I smiled, my mind would go back to what I did to you, and I would burst into tears....its not fair to put you through this. "

Does that sound 'typical'? I feel so bad for even sharing her private words with a massive forum...but I really dont know what else to do. Can trust be built back? I want to trust her and just be happy again...Ive read that message so many times...

One of the worst things is whining to people like you about it. I just feel like 'that' guy. That typical no ballsy kind of guy. Well, I'll leave you with that and see what people say..

Every word youve spoken so far has been a lot of help. I feel myself gradually getting better.....very gradually.

[lahnnabell]

She's either saying this with the genuine idea that you'll move on and find someone better, or she's just saying anything in attempt to get back in your good graces. Either way, you can't trust her. So, how do you expect this relationship to grow?

The resentment will only continue to build. Every move she makes, every guy she talks to will be suspect. You'll be miserable. And she clearly doesn't have the mental and emotional maturity required for you two to move on and rebuild. She's already proven that by cheating on you in the first place.