I don't feel aroused about her, I can't masturbate thinking of her

[Azwraith]

Hello guys, good morning. I have a crush, wich is my friend, and I really love her. But the problem is, when I am "touching" myself, I can't think about her. When I do, I feel weird, and not aroused at all. Is seems like I am doing something wrong, I don't know, it's hard to explain. It has been like this with every girl I really loved! it's different than just finding a woman attractive or sexy. I love her, from the deepest corners of my soul. We have never had sexual relationships, but I noticed I do get way more aroused by thinking about a naked pornstar, or even a random sexy girl, than thinking of her (and she is really beautiful and sexy).
Have everyone experienced this? What is this? Is it normal?

Thanks in advance

[Mattiemae]

I think most people don't realize the more they involve themselves with porn, etc, the harder it is for them to get turned on in the real thing. It really is to whether you believe it is wrong or not. What you believe does effect your sexuality and sex life. It's only good or bad whether you believe it is in your own reality.

[smackie9]

Hello guys, good morning. I have a crush, wich is my friend, and I really love her. But the problem is, when I am "touching" myself, I can't think about her. When I do, I feel weird, and not aroused at all. Is seems like I am doing something wrong, I don't know, it's hard to explain. It has been like this with every girl I really loved! it's different than just finding a woman attractive or sexy. I love her, from the deepest corners of my soul. We have never had sexual relationships, but I noticed I do get way more aroused by thinking about a naked pornstar, or even a random sexy girl, than thinking of her (and she is really beautiful and sexy).
Have everyone experienced this? What is this? Is it normal?

Thanks in advance

If you had actually experienced sexual contact (kissing/hugging/groping) with this girl you will get turned on when you have your alone time because you would be able to re-experience it. Right now all you have is emotion and for some that isn't enough. I hope you ask this girl out soon before it drives you crazy.

[confusedguy1012]

Masturbation and sex are two totally different things. When you actually have sex with her you will get turned on. It's like a virgin trying to picture sex it's hard to do unless you've actually experienced it. Even I have trouble picturing my girlfriend and we've been together for years and have had sex multiple times. What you need to know is porn isn't real personally i'm not a big fan of it because i like to see real orgasms and there isn't much of that in porn. Anyway you should just ask her out and that way you can have real sex which is a million times more fulfilling than masturbation. GL!

[Azwraith]

Masturbation and sex are two totally different things. When you actually have sex with her you will get turned on. It's like a virgin trying to picture sex it's hard to do unless you've actually experienced it. Even I have trouble picturing my girlfriend and we've been together for years and have had sex multiple times. What you need to know is porn isn't real personally i'm not a big fan of it because i like to see real orgasms and there isn't much of that in porn. Anyway you should just ask her out and that way you can have real sex which is a million times more fulfilling than masturbation. GL!

Thank you friends, for all the above posts. The thing is she got a boyfriend, so I don't want to push this any further (hence why I can't ask her out). We are just friends. I was worried because this happenned with every girl I liked or loved once. It's curious that, if I don't love a girl so much, I can feel aroused about her, but the more I love her, the less aroused I feel.

[Mattiemae]

You're detaching from intimacy perhaps! lol If you're not in love with the girl, it's easy because you have no emotional, mental, or spiritual attachment to her. If you are in love you do. So is it really you fear intimacy and being involved because of the intense feelings that come with relationships. Generally there are alot of guys online that do this. Look at porn all the time, visualize and voice sex with strangers, and there are no strings attached. You don't have to get up close and comfortable.

[michelle23]

Maybe cut down on porn if its affecting your emotional attachments. I think if young men grow up watching a lot of porn it re-wires their brain so they then start to separate sex and love.. if you cannot get arroused with a real life girl that you have feelings for then you have a problem (possibly an addiction)

[smackie9]

Thank you friends, for all the above posts. The thing is she got a boyfriend, so I don't want to push this any further (hence why I can't ask her out). We are just friends. I was worried because this happenned with every girl I liked or loved once. It's curious that, if I don't love a girl so much, I can feel aroused about her, but the more I love her, the less aroused I feel.

Love is a different emotion from lust. Lust is more sexually powerful....what you feel is normal tho and I wouldn't worry about it. Sucks she has a BF. Oh well don't get too crazy about her, I'm sure there is a girl admiring you from afar that you don't even know about. Stranger things have happen.

[smackie9]

Maybe cut down on porn if its affecting your emotional attachments. I think if young men grow up watching a lot of porn it re-wires their brain so they then start to separate sex and love.. if you cannot get arroused with a real life girl that you have feelings for then you have a problem (possibly an addiction)

Stop blaming it on porn, men's brains are already like that....it's called testosterone.

[Azwraith]

Love is a different emotion from lust. Lust is more sexually powerful....what you feel is normal tho and I wouldn't worry about it. Sucks she has a BF. Oh well don't get too crazy about her, I'm sure there is a girl admiring you from afar that you don't even know about. Stranger things have happen.

Thank you for your kind words, smackie, I think I am over her already. It's just that I got really worried about this sexual problem, it's not about her anymore.

Stop blaming it on porn, men's brains are already like that....it's called testosterone.

And I totally agree with your last message. The people above are saying it's because of porn, but I watch porn 1 time a week, when I do. It's not that oftenly, so I guess that isn't the problem. Specially that when I am in love, I don't even feel in the mood for watching porn or kinky videos as much as I would feel normally. I guess it's some kind of platonic love, as I prefer to just listen to some romantic songs and daydream about her than to jerk off thinking about her.
Maybe it has to do with some kind of conflict between lust and love, as you stated above. I am still trying to find out a specific answer. I would like to know if anyone else has been through this also.

Thanks in advance.

[Mattiemae]

Nope I haven't experienced that! I do know alot of guys that watch alot of porn and are addicts which i guess they choose to create themselves, but no people I associate for that reason. All of them are players too, and really just after sex. Really people have all kinds of fetishes, fantasies, different experiences. So really the world is filled with different perspectives on sex and masturbation. Really I will never understand totally, and been through psych classes on sexuality, but without being the person and experience I don't know if their is always an explanation. Usually it is just what we believe or limit our beliefs, or getting out of our comfort zones I guess. Really you're the only person that can understand why?

[smackie9]

Azwraith if you ever want to find something out, just Google your question. There are plenty of articles about this that would probably give you more insight.

[Wakeup]

Hello guys, good morning. I have a crush, wich is my friend, and I really love her. But the problem is, when I am "touching" myself, I can't think about her. When I do, I feel weird, and not aroused at all. Is seems like I am doing something wrong, I don't know, it's hard to explain. It has been like this with every girl I really loved! it's different than just finding a woman attractive or sexy. I love her, from the deepest corners of my soul. We have never had sexual relationships, but I noticed I do get way more aroused by thinking about a naked pornstar, or even a random sexy girl, than thinking of her (and she is really beautiful and sexy).
Have everyone experienced this? What is this? Is it normal?

Thanks in advance

Madonna/Whore complex?

[Mattiemae]

Well I do know there are two old woman that are twins in Amsterdam that can help you! lol Been in business for years I guess. lol They even made a movie about them.lol

[Azwraith]

Azwraith if you ever want to find something out, just Google your question. There are plenty of articles about this that would probably give you more insight.

I think this is basically it, but I don't feel the "maternal love" or this kind of compassion. Tho, if I were to say, as far as I have researched, it matches like 70% with what I feel. Thank you for sharing it, I didn't even knew about the existance of this complex!