Am I in a Fake relationship?!?

[xcepshun]

So heres the situation, i'm 21 and shes 22... and well we were very distant friends then we started hanging out a lot. We wore both pretty flirty with eachother, but, then some topics get very sexual and it was beyond flirting. When i asked her about the situation, she informed me that "she only sees me as a friend" and that shes sorry she "gave me the wrong impression". We continued being friends, and well i actually started to like like her, not just want her body. We been hanging out alone all the time, she got jealous when i took off a keychain she got my for my bday , and she gets fake mad at me all the time, and tells me i'm arrogant, and etc.... but shes doing all that just to pout.. regardless.. she makes comments like "sometimes it feels like ur my bf" and "will you hold my hand" , yet she doesn't always reply to my txts, and all she does it tell me how our personalities dont get along.

I really like her a lot, and i want to date her... but she keeps insiting on the word.. "friendship" "friends" "guy friends" etc.. so i'm soo confused.


little background on her..


she got out of a serious relationship 7 months ago, and i know for a fact her ex bf liked her, and she didn't like him and gave him the "Friend" schpeel.. then they started dating for 2 years.


ladies, whats going on here, am i just getting played?!?!

[Mish]

Sounds interesting. Do you two stil flirt? Why not take her out somewhere where you two can be close to each other (maybe a park bench) flirt a bit then go for a kiss and see what happens?

That should get any uncertainty about where you are at out of the way.

[xcepshun]

Funny you mention that.. one nite she txts me saying if i'm free.. tells me she "needs friendship" comes to my door.. takes me to some secluded little waterfall behind my house that she finds "nice" at 1am and we sit there.. and we just talk have a great time... i didn't really make a move b/c this was literally a day after i got the "i only see you as a friend bit"...


my biggest fear is.. ggoing in for the kiss and her saying "why would you do that after is said were just freinds".. i mean single rejection is hard enuf, imagine double from the same girl!!! AHHH Lol


As far as flirting.. she had a really bad fruedian slip with me.. a very sexual one, were she mis-used the word Coke for you know what... but she is a very flirty person in general.. so i can't go on that

[misombra]

you're in the friend zone.

[xcepshun]

Does that mean I have no chance now?

[misombra]

my crystal ball says no. sorry.

[GrkScorp]

Does that mean I have no chance now?

Yes.., that's what it means..

Best,

GrkScorp

[xcepshun]

Usually i'd agree once your freinds you have no chance, however, i know many good friends of mine who started dating eachother who were not romantically intersted at the start. Moreover, i know her ex was her freind who she had no interest in at the start either. So thats why i'm not so sure if it means im' Totally hopless..

[misombra]

well if you already know the answers then why do you ask?

[Mish]

my biggest fear is.. ggoing in for the kiss and her saying "why would you do that after is said were just freinds"..

Some come backs

<smile>

"What, you never kissed a friend before? You're such a dork. I've never seen anyone make such a big deal out of it"

"I really detest you putting our friendship in a box like that, friends shouldn't put each other in little, narrow boxes"

"You don't owe me, don't tell me what I can or can't do"

"Do what? You think I was going to kiss you? Eeeew, Why would I do that? You fool, I just wanted to suck that bit of orange juice from your lip to see what it tastes like"

"Heh? I was just coming forward to tell you something, it's a secret. What did you think I was doing? You thought that? You know, I read ones that we often think about things we really want to happen... <story>"

If she moves away without saying anything

<smile> "You know it's impolite to move away when someone tries to tell you something"

But ultimately it's all about the situation. You need to have a feel for these things. If both of you a happy, laughing, flirty, generally in a good mood do it. If there's resistance to begin with, don't.

[Illusional]

why don't you just be straight up with her. tell her that this bullshit is getting to you. YOU are going to have to decide if you want to be on the side as a friend or take a chance and attempt at a relationship. just remember if she keeps on shutting you down, then you are only a back burner..

raverboy

[xcepshun]

I'm afraid if i say "hey i like you" she'll be turned off, b/c i know most women want a challenge, but, also want to be won over, i just am so confused.. but u guys are all helping me a lot.. and these tips are great!

[Illusional]

well if she's willing to flirt with you, but not commit to a relationship, that should tell you that she is only keeping you around until someone better comes along.

raverboy

[GrkScorp]

also want to be won over

How's that been working for you? Please let me know which idiot has been going around and posting this memo door-to-door.., but if you believe that girls like someone who basically begs for their favor.., then this post is for you..

Women don't want a man that will win them over.., (that's flattering for their ego.., but they don't want that man.., in fact it's the best way to kill her interest for you).. they want a man that they have to try hard & actually win him over..

The difference:

A man winning her over: subcommunicates that she has more to offer this man that he has to offer her.., validating the idea she has of herself.., flattering.., but not attractive..

Her winning him over: subcommunicates that he has more to offer her than she has to offer him.., she obviously wants him.., but so does everyone else.., yet there he is.., still talking to her.., just within her reach.., but just outside it at the same time.., so if she wants him.., she'll have to try and get him.., try and win him over.., to stand out among the other girls.., to be that one special girl he's going to pick.., and when he does her the favor of choosing her.., she'll want to know what he saw in her.., she'll almost feel lucky to be the one he picked.. (thereby actually validating the idea she has of herself more.., even more flattering..)

You never "win her over":

While she's winning you over.., you simply do her the favor.., and slowly start to indicate.., and then let her know.., that the feeling is mutual.., (you indicate by showing her that she's demonstrating qualities about herself that you find attractive "she's winning you over".., and then you let her know.., well.., by letting her know.., "when I first met you.., I thought you were either a total nice girl.., or a complete b*tch.., you were just so quiet.., I couldn't figure out which one it was.., but.., when we started talking.., you just opened up so much.., and I got to see the person you really are.., (like the fact that you watch Battlestar Galactica and I know i'm not the only one who's a dork.., or the way you put all your wrappers into a bottle before you throw it out because you think it helps the environment and reduces pollution.., even though it doesn't.., I thought that was cute.., etc examples).., and now when I think about you.., it's almost hard to believe we met so randomly.., but i'm glad it just happened that way.., you're blushing.., I know how you feel about me.., but I have a confession to make.., I really like you too")

What? Exactly.. Why? Because if you don't.., she never will.., she doesn't have the balls or the know-how to be direct and just say how she feels.., so you just have to help her just accept how she feels.., by saying it yourself.., and then quickly prevent her from going into her defensive denial-trance "ugh.., oh sh*t.., what are you talking about? ugh.., who told you.., I mean.., I don't.., like you..".., by letting her know that it's ok.., because the feeling is mutual..

But again.., take all of this.., let it be in the back of your mind.., for some other girl.., because when you screw things up to the point where you've killed any interest she may have felt for you.., and she said something to the tune of.., "I see you ONLY as a FRIEND".., in other words.., "Let's Just Be Friends".., that's her way of trying to put an Iron wall between the two of you.., to let you know.., "you are no longer a sexual option.., you can feel free to stay and be my emotional tampon.., my personal b*tch and do stuff for me.., or my second daddy and buy me stuff or pay for me.., but I won't feel obligated or guilty at all.., because i've made my position perfectly clear.., if you're stupid enough to continue to offer me all that.., then i'm smart enough to sit back and accept.."

If you feel you've done something to get out of the friend zone.., update ASAP.., otherwise.., move on..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mish]

You never "win her over":

I agree with that. Relationship is a permanent effort.