Hello
I'm 19 and have never been in a serious relationship. I've been in a few on/off relationships in the last 3 years, 2-3 minor ones, where it has been nothing more than casuel sex and then having a date or two but nothing really happening from then on mainly because I have never really wanted anything to happen with them, mainly due to not being that interested in them to start anything serious.
So I recently started this new job, 3weeks back, and there is this person on reception who I just cannot seem to get out of my head. I have talked to her a few times and we get on good but it just feels nothing more than pleasantries as you would expect from a good receptionist. For the first week or two I thought it was merely a crush as she is a attractive person but I have recently been feeling rather moody, happy to miserable, a recent loss of apetite, chest pains and loss of concentration. Now I was saying this to a friend as I thought I was unwell and he joked around saying i've fallen in love with myself (he isn't that funny) but then I started thinking about it and it started to fit.
The symptons seem really cliche to me if im honest but now that im experiencing these to a point where it is affecting my work and my personal life im starting to get a little freaked. My enjoyment in games has evaporated, I enjoyed social gaming some nights with friends but I just cannot be bothered and just end up listening to music which I have seemed to have started listening to more emotional songs. I seem to have lost interest in football which is a major thing in my life and as ive previously stated ive lost my apetite completly and only eat because I know I need to, I previously had a big apetite (Due to being sporty) but struggle to finish a simple plate of pasta or chips. Also a major thing that has gone seems to be my sex drive, I went out over the weekend but was not interested in any of the girls I met and when i'm at home I just have not been in the mood to masterbate which if im honost I did twice a week, im just struggling to get turned on by most things at the moment. The only thing that can work is when I think of her.
I just cannot believe that it is possible for me to fall for someone I barely know but while at work im constantly trying to think of ways of trying to make conversation with this person and finding excuses to visit reception even just to get a glance. She is older than I am 24 (5years older) but from what I have seen on her facebook page (yes I even searched her one night) we have alot of interests the same music, same books, TV programmes, activitys ect.
I just don't know what to do, im just freaking out. Is it possible for me to fall for someone who I hardly know? All I know is that I have never felt this way in all my life and I just cannot get her out of my head, on the way to work im planning our christmas together or nights out and its driving me mad!
Sorry for the long post but I really needed to express this somewhere as I really don't have that many people to confide this with in my life at the moment.