Can people who claim to be in love (love you) suddenly turn off emotionally?

[jmah]

I've been with this girl for about a year and have know her for four years. The last four months we have gotten really close and we've both expressed how much we love each other. She has insecurities as far as relationships go and about herself. She's been burned pretty bad in past relationships and had a few pretty shitty things happen to her when she was younger (abandonment). Just recently when I was out to visit her (she doesn't live all that close), we spent two weeks together. The first week was amazing -- for the both of us, I could tell. The next week, though, I made some spontaneous plans and hung out for a bit with a friend of mine (who lives in the same city as my g/f). The girl that I hung out with was (is) very straight and she's just a friend. Little did I know, but, when I was out with this girl, my g/f was having full blown panic attacks and got sick to her stomach. She was worried about me spending time with her. Now, my g/f is 29 and I'm 36. I'm wondering if this (immaturity) has something to do with it. Anyways, during the time that we were together my g/f was clingy and questioned whether she was the right one for me. After I left her place and flew home I got a call from her. Here I'm all in love and feeling great, but missing her like crazy, and she's non emotional and so not herself. She told me that she's a sensitive person and that she doesn't handle rejection well, she said that when I went and spent time with my friend she got sick and had panic attacks worrying. She said that she 'put her walls back up' and was afraid that if we stayed together that she would eventually get hurt. She said that she's insecure about things. When she started to talk about me hanging with this other girl she started to cry a bit then stopped herself and was suddenly non-emotional. I was crying like a baby, though. I was very hurt and for me this came out of nowhere.

I know that she has insecurity issues and fears about being hurt, but, if you truly cared about someone can you turn your feelings off just like that? Or maybe is she hurting, but she hiding it from me? Part of me feels like she's purposely sabatoging the relationship because she doesn't want to get hurt.

And what should I do? Wait and see if she comes around?

[blackzj52]

sounds like just a defense mechanism to me. maybe its just her way of coping with it.
try talking to her more about it, and reassure her of ur intentions and such
im sure itll be fine

[xjadedx]

So you love this girl, know all about her past relationships and how she's been hurt.....then run off to spend time with another girl friend and wondering why your gf is now acting the way she is????

Obviously she has issues with trust and because she has been let down badly in previous relationships. When we have been hurt badly, we tend to think of men as being one and the same, that they will all hurt us. She's likely thinking, that you will hurt her in exact same way other guys have hurt her. She fears getting hurt again, hence those 'walls' have gone up and she is withdrawing.

All you can do is reassure her that it is 'her' you love and 'her' you want to be with.

And you'd be wise not be seeking out the company of your other female friend, once too often. For someone to be able to trust you, you have to EARN trust....you can't just expect someone to trust you, from the outset.

[IndiReloaded]

"Love" changes in time in every relationship. In my experience, you never get "it" back. You get something different.

The girl that I hung out with was (is) very straight and she's just a friend. Little did I know, but, when I was out with this girl, my g/f was having full blown panic attacks and got sick to her stomach.

This is concerning. You GF sounds like a basketcase, frankly. I don't think its normal for someone to have panic attacks about this. Even if your GF *did* have reason to be concerned, which you say she didn't.

Just being honest. Do you really want someone longterm who has so little control over themselves. Eww, what an environment to be raising kids in.

[Dating Port]

"Love" changes in time in every relationship. In my experience, you never get "it" back. You get something different.

I agree with Indi. My current situation is somewhat like yours but not quite to the same extreme. The problem is I married her and now have regrets.