General advice welcome: Age gap relationships + phone/text/in person

[Jman39]

Im male- just turned 25, dating my gf who is 18 (almost 19). dating for about a year.
Ive had 1 previous gf, and im her first bf.

Ive been warned that its a bad idea for the following reason:
Shes too young/immature-
You guys are in different stages in life-
Shes gonna change a lot-
Shes gonna get a lot of attention from guys, and her curiosity will more likely get her since shes young-

After a year of dating- we've gotten past the age things. frankly, it doesnt bother either of us.
She DOES tend to be flirty with other boys her age, and thats fine- as long as it doesnt get out of hand. Shes even told me
that shes had an innocent crush on a guy, which bothered me at the time, but ive gotten over it. I think its natural to have a wandering eye.

Question for you guys: any one else been in a large age gap relationship?
if yes- are you guys still together? how is it going? what are some issues that arose? and for those who have been together for many years, what made it work?

I ask cus recently, my gf and i have been having "little" tough times- like having doubts... but those go away as soon as we see eachother in person. apparently we suck through texting/phone- but in person we have nothing but romantic love! perhaps its cus we are both introverts.

Second question: anyone else have a similar situation, where in person you guys get a long real well, and nothing is better, but once you guys are alone, and talk on the phone/text, it just tends to suck? perhaps poor communication.

[Jman39]

nobody? lol.

[Radarsonar]

I'm sort of in the same situation as you. I'm 26, gf is 19, been together for 6 months now. In the beginning the age gap bothered me a bit, but in terms of the relationship itself things are going great. Luckily we both have had previous relationships. She is very mature, has had a two-year relationship already and I'm somewhat immature for my age so there you go. We fit well together.

Sometimes I wonder about the same problems you wonder about. It's inescapable. Maybe she'll want to sow her oats a bit more before settling, maybe the difference in life situations (I work, she's studying) will get the better of us. But ultimately you can't bother with those issues. Deal with them when they arise. And don't make too many long-term plans.

As far as the communicating goes I'd say as long as things are good in person you have nothing to worry about. I'm horrible at texting and don't really like having a telephone conversation so our communication while apart is rather lacking too. She has her girlfriends to text and chat with so I'm not bothered in the slightest.

[Charlie Boy II]

I'm 27, my girlfriend just turned 21. The age gap actually seems to work pretty well. I like how she's so fun-loving and free of baggage. She likes that I'm a fully formed individual who knows who he is and where he's going.

[Jman39]

thats great to hear guys! thanks!
Im actually going back to grad school, the same one that shes at. Shes a sophmore, so i guess thats a good things since we are in the same "stage" in life still, that being, both as students.

Well gluck to you folks!

[vashti]

I don't really consider 7 years a significant gap. Its all about maturity level at your age.

[Poetic_Partner]

I understand the communications problem. Not everybody has perfect communication skills, and doing so via messages/phone can be hard at times. Probably one or both of you need body language to truly keep involved in a conversation. Certainly, try to get a bit better at it if that's how you commonly communicate, but also understand that it may be a limitation.

-PP

[Petit Papillon]

Same here... My bf is 27 , me 21 (soon ) . In person we get really great,but on the phone... Well I could talk a lot but he doesn't like to stay long on the phone I like what charlieboy said. I also like that my bf is already a full grown up personality, it makes our relationship more stable ,as I can be sure that he's not going to change in a month like most of boys my age do... I say such age gap is pretty healthy and good.

[girl68]

I started dating my finace at 22 he was 29. I was totally immature, but grew. I had also already sowed my wild oats and so my curiosity was already satisfied. I had flirted, slept and fooled around already and knew what I was looking for. At 18 I don't think enough of these girls have.

During my grow up phase I changed my mind in school and career wise at least 5 times, and went through phases regarding boys, relationship policies, and all changed a lot.

I also had a 4 year relationship 17-21. So I knew what I didn't want. I had doubts through the course of the relationship... and eventaully figured out that just because he's the first doesn't mean he must be the last. And I took the chance to find a guy I was much more satisfied with. Luckily I found him.

So when you say she's got doubts- my thing is that doubts get WORSE with time...

[Jman39]

I started dating my finace at 22 he was 29. I was totally immature, but grew. I had also already sowed my wild oats and so my curiosity was already satisfied. I had flirted, slept and fooled around already and knew what I was looking for. At 18 I don't think enough of these girls have.

During my grow up phase I changed my mind in school and career wise at least 5 times, and went through phases regarding boys, relationship policies, and all changed a lot.

I also had a 4 year relationship 17-21. So I knew what I didn't want. I had doubts through the course of the relationship... and eventaully figured out that just because he's the first doesn't mean he must be the last. And I took the chance to find a guy I was much more satisfied with. Luckily I found him.

So when you say she's got doubts- my thing is that doubts get WORSE with time...

so uve never had any doubts with ur current relationship? how long has it been since youve been dating this newer guy?
i guess my issue is, ive had a 2 year relationship before my current gf- and ive fooled around and slept with girls before, so im not totally new. my gf who is 18, has never even kissed a boy before.

to throw in another odd ball... the MAIN reason why she hasnt done anything, aside from her age is, she muslim, with strict parents. Our whole dating is a secret from her parents and some of her relatives. It does make it difficult at times, but I can still see her once or twice a week when shes up living at school, and during vacations, she drives to see me, while her parents think shes "at work."
so while i DO think that girls this young will want to change and go out have a wild time- my situation seems a little different in that she grew up with strict parents, and so she doesnt drink, smoke, or go out to parties... a good girl at heart, but just doesnt agree with the whole muslim thing her parents grew up with.

thanks for the replies tho!

[Petit Papillon]

Ohh... Good luck on that... If her family finds out... Especially if they are so strict... Prepare for a fight :/

[Mish]

The way I see it, while the 7 year age gap between a 25 year old and 32 year old is not really significant, a 7 year age gap between a 25 year old and 18 year old is. The truth is the two of you are worlds apart in where you are in life, in how you see things in your behaviour and motivations and unfortunately for you I think this will be an uphill battle just to keep things civil.

As for the muslim thing, if her parents find out and if they like you chances are you will have to convert to Islam. Will you be comfortable with doing that?

[girl68]

so uve never had any doubts with ur current relationship?

Current relationship, no doubts aside from the obvious we're having a fight- is this right for me but that's normal doubt. I didn't doubt my fiance now becasue as I stressed, I'd ALREADY been through the grow up, get out phase. And don't presume that she's a sweet girl who will never, ever drink, party, want to mess around, and flirt girl just becasue she isn't NOW.

But my ex, he was the first boy I ever kissed, thought it was gonna last forever... blah blah blah until Irealized that just because he's the first don't mean he's the best and therefore the last.

By the time we get married we will have been together for over 5 years.

[Jman39]

The way I see it, while the 7 year age gap between a 25 year old and 32 year old is not really significant, a 7 year age gap between a 25 year old and 18 year old is. The truth is the two of you are worlds apart in where you are in life, in how you see things in your behaviour and motivations and unfortunately for you I think this will be an uphill battle just to keep things civil.

As for the muslim thing, if her parents find out and if they like you chances are you will have to convert to Islam. Will you be comfortable with doing that?

Well ur right, we are in differnt stages, but, im not working... ill be in school for nursing for a year... and another 2 for anesthesia- at the same school as here. in fact ill probably graduate the same time she does... only im a grad student, and shed be done with her undergrad...


as for the muslim thing, yea i knwo abotu that... and i wouldnt convert. She'd be leaving her family. Her older sisters are in teh same exact scenario, and one is about to leave her family for an american boy. she says, her life is priority. although she love her family, she knows in the end, its what matters to her most, that counts....

yea its gonna be an uphill battle. i already forsee that.

[xxazurexx]

I think you are pissing against the wind with this one.

It aint often these people turn their backs on their family. And a lot live in fear of their lives if they do go against wishes.
Ever heard of 'honour killings'?

Happening all the time in the UK.