Am I out of line?

[peggles61]

My boyfriend has a tenant that he had a relationship with years ago. He continually goes over to her apartment to do "little" repairs. She can't even change a light bulb. She calls him several times a week and he always goes over to "help" her out. When I ask him why he jumps and runs over there every time she calls he says because she pays her rent, it is just "business", she takes care of the plants and he cannot afford to have a vacant apartment. I tell him I think it is a bit odd for a landlord-tenant relationship and that it bothers me. Especially since when I ask him to fix little things for me I wait so long that I end up fixing them myself. He swears that there is nothing going on between them and that it ended years ago. Am I out of line to feel bothered by this? I have caught him lying to me before. He gets so defensive when I try and discuss this with him that he tells me, "Fine, I won't do it anymore" but he always does. He simply cannot say no to her. Tomorrow he has to go fix her "table" his second visit this week. My trust has been worn away with this man because he has lied to me before, he always tells me what he "thinks" I want to hear rather than the truth and when I try to communicate with him about this woman or anything that bothers me for that matter he gets defensive and starts raising his voice saying "fine, fine, fine, I won't do it anymore, stop whipping me. He tells me I am making something out of nothing or.....you are obviously PMSing. Am I off base feeling like this? Am I the only person who thinks that this is just a little more than odd? Do you think there is more going on than he is willing to admit? We have been in this relationship for three years and my intuition tells me to break up with him and move on but my heart tells me to hang on............help!!

[nerdy_guy]

Personally, I wouldn't trust a person that would be all defensive. He should even be asking your perspective in how to deal with it without losing a tenant (you got an answer for that?) It's actually good excuse that he's made about being a good landlord so that his tenants won't go away. For now, what I can tell you is do a bit of research. Find out if his apartment is a place where people might want to live (location, price, etc..) because if its hot property, then he won't have a problem looking for another tenant now, would he? also, she's not the only one renting, there are other... is he as prompt in fixing other tenants problems?

I do have some other questions. Based on what you've posted.
1. Why is it that this person's unit is constantly in need of repairs?
2. Is he repairing things that are not in his jurisdiction? Like the table you mentioned... Is that part of his job as landlord to fix?
3. Considering that he said he can't afford to lose a tenant, is he giving the same attention to his other tenants?

By knowing the answers, you'd more or less have a better picture of their relationship. Besides, This time around, we're comparing tenants now right? its not A TENANT versus YOU.

The heart always tells you to hang on. Never listen to it. It's bad policy.

[peggles61]

Thanks Nerdy Guy,

The complex is nice and in a nice area however with the situation in our city right now there are MANY vacant rental units.He inherited her when he bought the building and obviously was attracted to her enough then to sleep with her. She is on section 8 so her rent is subsidized by the state and he cannot just ask her to leave. Because of the crumbling economy and increasing unemployment rate in our city he has a unit he has been trying to rent for almost 2 months now. He does keep his buildings and units in tip top shape. Her unit is not in constant need of repairs she is just needy and too inept to even change a light bulb. He is a people pleaser and has difficulty saying no to anyone. He does things for her that are WAY out of his jurisdiction and rarely are any of the things he does for her a landlord's responsibility. He does have another single woman tenant who whines about every little thing and he does accommodate her as well. I probably wouldn't feel so uncomfortable about this if he had not been in her bed before.

[nerdy_guy]

Another single woman huh? So aside from his ex... he's also quite accommodating to this other woman as well. How about the rest of his tenants? do they get the same treatment? If you think about this other female tenant rationally, does she have anything that might garner her some special attention as well?

[peggles61]

As far as the other single woman tenant in that building, I have not met her. He does complain about both women whining over every little bush that brushes against the window or screen that may wrinkle or paint chip that falls on the porch. I don't feel there is the attraction there that he had for the ex. He does stay on top of and is quick to accommodate those tenants who pay their rent on time. It is just that this ex girlfriend calls for every little thing and he goes running.......to change a light bulb for her, puhleeease..... I kid you not, a lightbulb!! He spent an hour over there once cutting carpet to put in her garage so she could step out of her car and not get her shoes dirty. I just think those are the kinds of things you do for someone you care about....not a tenant......I have about had enough. He even goes to do things for her when we are spending the weekend together (the only time we can really be together) so there I sit at his house waiting for him to take care of her while I twiddle my thumbs.......

[nerdy_guy]

Given the situation, I think there's still something going on between them. Maybe nothing physical, but the emotion is still there. He's keeping her around, not just for the rent money too.

This is the hard part though:
1. Sometimes, when a person feels he/she gets suffocated from a relationship, they'll tend to find someone who's less suffocating to vent out.
2. There are also times that people don't appreciate what they've got and would tend to abuse the trust given to them.

I do believe though that even though how precious his tenants are to him, he should still spend quality "alone time" with you. There should be no excuse for that. If he doesn't have time to take care of a girlfriend, there's no need for him to have one right? He should of course, know his priorities. If the tenant's request isn't an urgent matter, then he should not make it an urgent matter.

[peggles61]

He says that her requests annoy him and he does these things to keep her off of his back. The fact that he cannot say no to her speaks volumes as far as I am concerned. I am just going to take a little time and space for awhile. I do know it has taken much longer to rent all of the vacant apartments he has had this past year and he is afraid to lose a single tenant. He inherited her when he bought the building. She has been living there for years.....

[MerryH]

The fact that he cannot say no to her speaks volumes as far as I am concerned.

He can't say no to you, either. Have you picked up on that? He knows he can't just completely stop making repairs, yet he tells you he will anyway. Your boyfriend sounds like a major people-pleaser, to a fault. Maybe you can have a talk about him standing up for himself?

[thegetmyexback]

You know you could always just go over to one of your male friends and "repair" his table...
Sometimes it's all it takes to be on the other end of things.
A lot of guys don't get how they dismiss woman's feelings when they say stuff like "you're PMSing" and related.
Also men get very defensive if you try and influence the way they behave so I really think the best way to go about this is to just do the sam thing to him.
For the reference, no it's not normal for him to come running over right away - why doesn't he hire someone to do it for him?

[peggles61]

Good point thegetmyexback, Thanks. I did so the very next day....helped my friend install a bimini on his sailboat. We have discussed this numerous times and he is way to cheap to pay someone to do what is her responsibility anyway. He is just simply a landlord who does not want to lose a single tenant even if they are a pain in the butt........and a major people pleaser.............