getting married? online bf? 3 months? o.o

[hellopanda]

mmkay, you're about to read one hell of a post and NEED someone's opinion or advice about this because i CANT tell this to my friends or family because...it's crazy. LOL


anyway, im dating someone online for years now. we talk on the phone, see each other on cams and talk everyday. for years. only thing is, we havent met yet in real because he's in florida im in the philippines. he's 22, im 19. we have an okay relationship, guy is head over heels in love with me and im the same with him. we both have had past relationships before in real life (not online), soo yeah we're totally not losers. hahaaha. we certainly live a healthy social life.

just last night he proposed to me, online, FUNNY. lol. but he was serious. now, here goes the crazier parts.

by april15th i will be going to an immersion (for school) and it will take 4-5 weeks. then he's going to bootcamp (marines) by the end of may. like may29th or something. he wants to marry me before he goes for boot. it's impossible to meet me either, so he was talking about contracts to sign whatsoever. but bottom line is, we'll only be married through paper and we won't be meeting until next year. so uhhhhh yeah, what the hell is up. hahahaah

seriously. i am serious with him and he is with me too but idk what to think, say or decide about this matter. it's too romeo and juliet-ish.

im still in college, and won't have to graduate til next year. and like, i have no idea when it comes to legal matters or even MARRIAGE.


so anyway, feel free to criticize, cyberbully or drop an advice.

thanks.

THIS IS URGENT BTW!

[vashti]

You are both far too young to consider marriage, even if you were dating for real, which brings me to point number 2: online relationships aren't the equivelent of real relationships.

[Illusional]

i'm sure you both aren't losers, however, how the hell can anyone consider getting married over the internet?? shit, i'd want to meet my gf in person before even considering anything.


ps, what's more ironic is that you both have let this go on for years.

raverboy

[miSSleepy]

I think you need to meet this guy ion person and get to know him PERSONALLY for a while before you even consider this. It sounds plain dodgy to me.
I can *almost* guarantee you that problems will arise if you marry this guy without meeting him.

[Junket]

Women that get married to guys right before they go into the military are foolish.

Guys just want something to f*ck when they come back, but that wouldn't even be the case in your situation. He might resent you if you turn him down, but this isn't just about him.

Shit, how would you even get married?

No matter, just don't do it.

[Mish]

The Reasons why you shouldn't get married:

1. You've never met in person, you don't know if you have a face to face chemistry together which is neccessary to make a real relationship work

2. You live in two seperate countries i.e. you are not part of each other's physical world, that world is unknown and alien to you two and you will not know what it's like until you actually meet and experience it together. Can you share that physical world together? Who knows, but for now you are completely oblivious to it

3. One of you will have to make a painful decision to move country and abandon all of their family, work, study, friends, everything built up in your life for the sake of the other. Who will be willing to make such a step? Such a humongous leap of faith

4. Both of you will be extremely busy with other commitments shortly and will have virtually no time to dedicate to one another. How do you expect to sustain your relationship under these circumstances?

5. Your friends and family aren't aware of the idea. They should be the first ones you turn to for advice. Don't even think about doing this without their approval, the alientation they will make you feel as a result of this will be very taxing.

There are a lot of other reasons why you shouldn't do this, until at least a lot more is set in place. I think you are entertaining this idea because you are still very young and you have a very rosy idea of marriage. After you think about this a bit more and talk it over with family and friends you will quickly realize how unrealistic this idea is at this stage.

Hope this helps

[Kiechi]

Pangit.




__________

[Illusional]

Pangit.




__________

...translation??

raverboy

[hellopanda]

yeah well i'm weirded out to, haha like it's such a big thing to even consider....

i just really don't see it happening but i don't know how i'd reject the proposal either.. sure, i want to get married but the time isnt just right. i don't like doing things, as big as this, being hurried but yeah weird enough i seem to be considering it too. im just really confused right now. and crazy.


oh by the way..
pangit = ugly , that's filipino of ugly.

LOL, thanks anyway keichi. great help son

[Tedel]

Get married if you want, but not now. Those who hurry into getting married usually have a long time to regret it.

To get married with someone there is just one requirement: You must not be in love with that person. Explanation? Simple: You must not be in love, you must be absolutely, radically, totally and brutally sure that, changing as you will change with the years, and changing as he will change with the years, you will still be able to love each other.

The advantage you've had as raising an online relationship is that you could talk about a lot of things without the misunderstandings common conversation sometimes lead to; the disadvantage is that (duh) you don't know each other in person and you cannot know if you will like him or not.

Consider yourselves engaged if you want, but decidedly put off your wedding.

[MadKat]

one word
WOW!!!!

[LostNotFound]

o.m.f.g

[IndiReloaded]

The Reasons why you shouldn't get married:

1. You've never met in person, you don't know if you have a face to face chemistry together which is neccessary to make a real relationship work

2. You live in two seperate countries i.e. you are not part of each other's physical world, that world is unknown and alien to you two and you will not know what it's like until you actually meet and experience it together. Can you share that physical world together? Who knows, but for now you are completely oblivious to it

3. One of you will have to make a painful decision to move country and abandon all of their family, work, study, friends, everything built up in your life for the sake of the other. Who will be willing to make such a step? Such a humongous leap of faith

4. Both of you will be extremely busy with other commitments shortly and will have virtually no time to dedicate to one another. How do you expect to sustain your relationship under these circumstances?

5. Your friends and family aren't aware of the idea. They should be the first ones you turn to for advice. Don't even think about doing this without their approval, the alientation they will make you feel as a result of this will be very taxing.

There are a lot of other reasons why you shouldn't do this, until at least a lot more is set in place. I think you are entertaining this idea because you are still very young and you have a very rosy idea of marriage. After you think about this a bit more and talk it over with family and friends you will quickly realize how unrealistic this idea is at this stage.

I agree w/this entire post. Great post Mish.

[IndiReloaded]

Those who hurry into getting married usually have a long time to regret it.

LOL, I love that 'those who marry in haste' quote.

To get married with someone there is just one requirement: You must not be in love with that person. Explanation? Simple: You must not be in love, you must be absolutely, radically, totally and brutally sure that, changing as you will change with the years, and changing as he will change with the years, you will still be able to love each other.

Hmm you may need to explain this further Ted, lest ppl think you mean you shouldn't love your spouse. FWIW tho, I happen to agree with you. That sharp urgency should definitely be past b/f permanently binding yourself to another human. Like that other age-old quote 'never marry before you see their REAL temper'.

[hellopanda]

yeah, marriage is just too big of a deal to even consider this early. guess i was too overwhelmed and shocked of the whole idea, and to think we only have months to decide. lol plain crazy. although i know some people of my age who already have kid/s, i just don't see myself getting in that department, not just yet.