Girlfriend upset over my speaking with ex after the death of her father.

[charris]

My ex still cares for me and would like to have a relationship with me. I severed communication for her benefit and mine after she basically flew to see me and said 'come get me' a month after the break-up. I did the right thing and talked to her over the phone but did not go pick her up, it would have been taking advantage.

My new girlfriend seems very stable and mature and I'm excited about the prospects but her reaction to what happened yesterday has disturbed me.

My ex's father was a Pastor who was very important to me growing up. I called my ex yesterday when I learned he died to say 'I am sorry for your loss' and nothing more. When I spoke to her on the phone the words that came out were 'You are in my thoughts' and based on her response, which was calm and a little confused and it dawned on me that she didn't know her father had died yet. (She lives on the other coast and probably hadn't had her cell phone on when her family would have called earlier.) I was pretty shocked that I almost told her that her father was dead, stammered my way out of the conversation and left it at that.

I told my girlfriend about it and she seemed to get really upset by it. She says, and I believe her, that she does not think that I want to get back together with my ex. So it's not jealousy.

Instead she went into how she felt my calling my ex, who still carries a torch for me, was selfish. I'm a little baffled by this as I was just doing what I thought was right, making a brief call to someone I still care about as a friend to offer condolences. Now my girlfriend says that her intuition says there is something wrong with all of this and she is on-guard with me.

It's highly frustrating because I would never intentionally hurt someone's feelings and I do not think my ex was bothered by my call at all, I think she appreciated it once it all became clear to her. But still here I am having done nothing more than try to reach out to someone and I feel like there's a chance this new relationship will fall apart because of it.

I'm going to talk to her tomorrow after not seeing her for a week but I'm lying here in bed and I just feel sick and awful about it and I'm not sure why. I did nothing wrong and even if she does leave me over this I wouldn't take back what I did in calling my ex to just say I was sorry about it all.

Is my assumption that my girlfriend has had her heart trampled on in a way that is somewhat similar to the scenario above and is now drawing a parallel a fair one to make? Obviously I'll know more for sure tomorrow but right now? Right now I'm just lying here sick about it and I cannot do anything about it. I'd love some insight here because generally I feel I do a good job at reading the female mind but her response has me truly baffled.

[TheSphinx]

From the description of her actions, your new girlfriend sounds neither mature nor stable. Regardless of what her past may be, she shouldn't make you bear her baggage, especially if it hinders you from communicating with people you care about.

If her mind blurs the line between selflessness and selfishness to this extent, you might want to look elsewhere for companionship.

~Sphinx

[vashti]

On the other hand, why couldn't you just send a card, and maybe flowers? That's what I would have done if I knew someone still wanted a relationship with me if I was unavailable and disinterested.

[charris]

On the other hand, why couldn't you just send a card, and maybe flowers? That's what I would have done if I knew someone still wanted a relationship with me if I was unavailable and disinterested.

Tiffany, my ex, seemed like the sort who a verbal communication from would be meaningful, so I did what I thought was right.

Today my girlfriend broke up with me because she said there was too much drama. Considering this is the first incident of 'drama' and the drama consisted of calm conversation on both our parts I'm thinking either my girlfriend just wanted to break up with me or there was something else.

Her second husband was apparently an illegal immigrant that she thought was a legal resident and he did a lot of other shady stuff so my gut is telling me that what I did, which I thought was right and I still do not regret, somehow set off a trigger for her.

I guess I should be glad because though I thought she was the one for me this sort of rapid turnaround from being completely into me and 5 days later breaking up with me doesn't seem to make sense to me and I'm glad I learned now before it got too serious.

I keep having to remind myself that whatever future I had idealized for us probably would have never been a reality if this is what sort of short fuse she has.

I'm glad the break-up was amicable but I had spent 5 hours making her a hemp choker which was the first thing I'd ever tried to make for someone and I really wanted to give that to her for a Christmas present since she doesn't have anyone to spend Christmas with.

Thanks for the replies.

[vashti]

Aww, that's sweet you made her something. You sound like a nice, sensitive guy. I bet you will find someone more suitable. It DOES kind of sound like she was looking for an excuse to break up.

Better luck next time.

[LostNotFound]

From the description of her actions, your new girlfriend sounds neither mature nor stable.
~Sphinx

exactly
shes not as mature as you think. and you did the rightthing to call your ex and for once i disagree with vash.

[reeba]

I agree with the post that she was looking for an excuse to break up. She is wounded and she probably isn't ready for a relationship with ANYBODY.

From your actions...

you called an ex to offer condolences you spent 5 hours making your current gf a present

...you are a caring, good guy. If your current gf couldn't see that, she is an idiot, regardless of her past tramatic relationship. Because of this tramatic relationship she is neither what you called her, 'stable or mature'. She has issues that SHE needs to work out.

By the way, how does the current gf KNOW that your ex wants you back? Did you tell her? If you did, you played a jealousy card, and now you are paying the price for it. Learn from that. You don't need to tell EVERYTHING. That was better left as a secret, because the truth just hurt her, and leaving it as a secret hurt no one.

Please don't try to be a caring good guy and try to rescue her from her past. My advice is to forget her, and find someone who is ready for a relationship.