Should I stay? I really need advice

[donitarose]

I don't know if my problem is as big as some of the issues that I've read on this forum but for me it's huge so I hope someone can take the time to give me advice.

I'm in a relationship for almost 5 years now and the last year has been very, very rocky. My boyfriend has always been not much of a talker, always keeping his feelings to himself and not very talkative period. He's just this calm and sweet guy and that's what made me fall for him. After 3 years we moved in together and that's when reality hit me. Always guessing what he's thinking about/ of etc. As I said, the past year has been very tough. About a year ago, his dad got sick and he visited him (his dad lives abroad). He visited him for a couple of days and after three weeks he had to go back again because his dad had to go to surgery.
When my boyfriend left the second time, I found out that he was with this girl the first time he visited his dad. I had to find that out on Facebook, as the girl posted a picture of them together. When he came back home and I confronted him about it, he said that they did meet but nothing happened. I know this girl because that was his "friend", someone he knows but obviously doesn't hang out with as she lives abroad.
After he was home the crazyness started, she is very active online and has a blog and started writing short poems and posting pictures of them together, how much she misses him and loves him. This had so much impact on me regarding trust and to this day the trust is still gone.
I couldn't take it anymore so I contacted her via Facebook asking her what the deal was between them. She said the same, nothing happened between them and they're just friends, although she did develop a huge crush for him.

Months passed and I found out that they were emailing each other. His defense was that he never emailed her back and that she made up those emails. To me, she seemed pretty unstable, even though I thought it was weird I tried to let it go.

Again, months passed and I found out my boyfriend has profiles on dating sites, the oldest one was from 2010. Not just dating sites but "men looking for transsexuals" dating sites. It was like someone knocked me out with a baseball bat. Again he stated he has nothing to do with it. He claims that his ex-girlfriend (who really is a nutcase) is posting his pictures on dating sites to try and ruin him and our relationship. I want to believe that but there were some explicit photos taken with his phone so how did she get hold on of those? He claims that she is somewhat of a hacker and because he kept his files and photos on an online database, she was able to access it.

Besides these I have more horrible stories but these two are the major dealbreakers for me. I know every password he has, he gave it to me to prove that he has nothing to hide, but I am tired of having the feeling that I have to check on him all the time.

It's just so confusing and I just don't know what to do, it's driving me crazy! When I look at him I kind of feel that he's telling the truth but I have always chosen my mind over my heart. What if he's lying? I have been a real b*tch to him over the past months and now again, for the past couple of weeks. If he's not that into me anymore, why is he staying? And he tries his very best to make me laugh, communicate etc. but I just can't bear to talk for the 100th time again. I need proof of some kind but I know that's almost impossible. If I love him, I should trust him but I've never been someone who trusts someone blindly.

Can anybody please give me advice?

[mwahahaha]

This is a horrible situation for you to be in, i really feel your pian. i was in a similar position myself, but since i got my new iphone i dont give a fck. Access to the internet no matter where you are. Brilliant, you should get one.

[Jason2]

Love a person will believe he love is mutual trust if there is any accident which you don't blind choose to believe that

[Rosebud]

Of course the first thing I would say would be to get out of that situation all together, but since a lot of times that's not usually an easy thing to do I will elaborate a little more.

Trust is a big issue and when that breaks it takes a very long time to ever earn back, if that's even possible. That being said he has done a lot of shady things. Why didn't he tell you about this girl in the first place. If it was no big deal, then he should have been up front about it. I would be thinking something is going on with them too. When it comes to the dating sites, that's a lot of hard work for someone to go to for revenge on someone if it's even possible for her to access those things. It sounds to me like he's lying about a lot and that he's getting away with it because your believing him.

Your right to trust your gut before your heart and it's because there is something going on. Why is he staying with you when he's doing all this? Why do people cheat and stay with their spouses? It's comfortable for them. They can have both sides. Not everyone is the type to get out of a relationship before they start another one unfortunately.

This guy is no good for you and you know it. You just don't know how to get out and you want proof to do so but you already have the proof, your just choosing to not look at it.

[songdanceditty]

Oh boy.

All right. Do you know which email addresses were connected to the dating profiles? If you plug in his current email address does he show up as a user? If so, then he did know about the profiles because he would have been sent notifications. Did you try making a fake profile of your own and contacting him? He'd have a style of writing which you might recognize, right?

You're right not to trust him blindly. But it also sounds like you've done a fair amount of "research" on this person and his connections online, which means you probably felt uneasy and untrusting to begin with.

Something ain't right here. And if you ignore it now, it's only going to get worse. Rosebud is right, the trust is gone. Find somebody else who won't even give you an inkling of untrustworthiness and you will be a million times happier. That's how it should be.

[ellen]

Five years is a long time........... surely you know in your heart if he is trust worthy or not. Has he even done anything for you to doubt him in the past? If I were you I would go with him next time he visits his Dad and meet this girl. The time and depth of the relationship is alot to just throw away on mistrust. If you have trusted him in the past then what makes you not trust him now? Why would he change?

[haxan]

There's a lot about him you don't know. Sounds like he's built your relationship on a series of lies.