Any advice is appreciated

[jjj]

My first post here. but iv been reading peoples stories and advice to people over last week or two and the advicec seems good, so thought id try my luck with it.

so there's this girl that iv liked for about a year or so. and she always kinda had a thing for me but had a major problem trusting males. there are fair reasons why from things that happened in her family etc, obviously thats not for me to say on here. but they are fair. But over the last month or two we speak every day via text, phone or in person. We chat quite abit, and she is a virgin, im not, and she says how she would love to lose it to me etc..and im meant to be going round hers on Wednesday. for that to happen etc. But i want a relationsjip, and shes unsure if she does, just becausee she hasnt had one for a while, and said the only person that can change her mind is her..(anyone know why that is or what she fully means?) she already always says how im sweet, so so so nice etc. and that she does like me. if u like someone, y would u want sex with them but not to be with them? its kind of like im being used i feel? but its not because i know shes not like that. any advice onw hat to do? maybe on what i could do to convince her to be with me? its her bday ina week and a half so have a necklace and im taking her for a meal. maybe do something then to convince her? any advice is greatly apreciated.

Cheers. Jamma

[Mish]

Wow, interesting dilemma (If only all of us had problems like that)

It looks like you have two choices. Go with the flow and see what happens. Or tell her you are not ready to have sex with her unless it will lead to a relationship.

It's hard to say which is a better choice without having a better understanding of the person involved, chemistry and the situation.

[jjj]

thanks for the reply.

yeah well whenever we are together we act like a couple. strange i know.
like so far we have got with each other (snogged?)
and well..would having sex with her...meaning she lost her v to me..maybe make her want a relationship? is she actually just playing me along to get the v out of the way? what would you do?

[Mish]

what would you do?

Once again, a difficult question. If I was on friendly terms with her, kinda attracted to her a bit, but didn't know myself what would happen from here (read: clear feelings yet unformed) I'd probably go with the flow and see what happens.

However, if I was serious about this girl and saw signs that she may not be serious with me, I would be honest and upfront with her. I would explain to her how I feel and hope for reciprocation. However, if she was clear on no relationship after sex even though I had feelings for her I would probably not go ahead with it.

[Hollywood]

You should ask her if she has such big trust issues with men why would she trust you to lose her virginity to but not trust you enough to be in a relationship with you.

[Cbrider]

The way this is all laid out makes it look like an emotional time bomb to me. She sounds like a potential heart breaker.