Talk some sense to me please

[TheBlackFlux]

We're broken up with my ex more, than half a year and I made quite strict no-contact most of the time. We met only briefly few times during the period. I'm 20, she's little younger. We were going out half a year and it was my first love & break-up. So there was this huge period of silence, which was supposed to help things...

Yet all I think about, when I wake up, is her. When I go to sleep, my last thought are what would her opinion on something be. Etc etc. I feel absolutely down, I'm always procrastinating my work and finding myself just walking around in my flat. I feel like nothing I'll ever do or reach will make me happy.

Now I've had many happy, or okay periods in the last half year, but... I lost my best friend in her and many my childhood friends went to different cities for their colleges. I'm always alone in my flat. I didn't really connect with any person, and I was quite social. All just seems so grey and tasteless. Many times it feels unbearable.

Anyway, I ran into my ex today - we just exchanged hellos, yet it got me thinking, when will I become genuinely happy again, like she seemed. We split in a love triangle and she's going out with the second guy. Some friend mentioned to me she's happy - which is a good thing probably, I'm trying to hold no grudge. Also I'm never planning on interfering anyone's relationship, like the other guy did, there's just drama. And it would also be pointless.

So. It came to light, when we met, that tomorrow she's coming to the same party (well, a movie night) as I do and I've already confirmed, that I'm coming, so tomorrow we'll be confronted again.

The problem is - I have had some seriously crazy ideas this whole day. Like I'll confess to her, that I still haven't got past the break up, that I miss her as a friend at the very least, that I'm doing horribly and there's no-one I feel comfortable confessing to. Saying all my problems etc. Some of the thoughts bordered on saying I have these huge feelings for her.

I would regret that, wouldn't I?

I simply don't know what to do. We had no contact, I'm knee-deep in work, I've a new social circle, yet I can't get past her.

[4dvz]

Dude, take my word on this. It`s highly possible that you are only missing the feeling of loving someone/being loved, and especially since it was your first love you may not yet know how to process your feelings in a way, and since you are lonely the memories of good times fill your mind and you want to forget everything you should remember..
You said you split in a love triangle.. So she was cheating on you I assume? Think about it logically: It only took 6 months from that person to betray your trust. Why would you even want to have anything to do with her? You would never be able to trust her again. And she gave you no respect nor loved you enough to deserve any attention from you anymore, this is what I think altough it sounds harsh, sorry for it.

Most of the people go through many longer relationships before finding the one, so if you just think logically about your case and try to put emotions behind you, you should be able to get over it. Once you find someone new, you will forget about her and hopefully your next relationship will be more succesfull.

[Gigabitch]

Date someone else. Simple as that. 4dvz is right- you miss the feelings, and you can have those for someone else.

[Charisma]

in my opinion you deserve a girl better than her.

It's hard because you didn't do anything wrong. It was her. She was sneaking around with another guy, and you didn't deserve that. The other guy should have also been annoyed that she already had you as her boyfriend while seeing him. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't mind cheating?

So, I think you should be strong. You have made a lot of progress, even tho you don't think you have. You are mentally preparing yourself for the party, which is excellent, but I don't think you should confess anything to her. I think you should simply be polite, and move on. She doesn't even deserve to be on your mind!!! Instead, you should focus on meeting other girls, and making more friends, and getting to know people.

You should think of what to say if people ask about your life. Have answers ready. You don't want it that when someone asks *how are you?* you say *I miss my ex really much and she's with another guy who she cheated on me with and I want her back!*, because they could be your next girrlfriend. OR, they could be the friend of your next girlfriend. Or they could be the friend of a friend with a sister that could be your next girlfriend. And she could be 50 times better than your stupid ex.

So pick yourself up, talk yourself into thinking and saying good things, and don't waste your time, energy or love on your ex gf. Because she's the last person who deserves it.

**also**

if a lot of people at the party are also her friend, I would prepare for if someone mentions that she's there. Dont' say something like *oh I see she's with the man that she cheated on me with* because people will see that you're still hurt and will feel uncomfortable, or not know what to say. You could say something like *oh, yeah I said hi to her earlier.* and then have another subject to change to. Keep it cheerful and nice. Or better yet, ask people(especially girls) questions about themselves. *What movie have you seen recently?*, *are any of yous planning to go on holiday?*, *do you still speak to so-and-so?*.

And while you're there, SMILE!!!

[TheBlackFlux]

Thanks for all replies and support guys, I'm definitely feeling less crazy.

4dvz: There was typo in my original post, relationship was year and half long. Still that changes nothing. Thanks for optimism.

I hope I'll handle tomorrow alright, it seems easier now, thanks for your long post, Charisma.

[xxazurexx]

I think the trouble is, is that you just simply havn't met no one else who has grabbed your attention.

I think if you did, you'd find yourself getting over her in no time.

[Charisma]

*curious on how the night went*

[RdHrshyKss]

it's tonight, right?

[VincenzoG91]

Charisma, don't they have any soap operas on your telly?

[Charisma]

lol they do, but they are too depressing. Like someone having 50 arguments with people in their street, everyone making a scene in the local pub, getting in a few fights. Someone doing the dirty on someone else, someone getting fired- oh come on! I need some happy endings here!