Heartbroken- the girl I like kissed another guy

[destinationx]

Preface: I've been friends with this girl called Elle in my college for just over a month or so now, she was new to the college with lots of other girls. I have had feelings for her for a very long time now. I invited her to come downtown with me and some friends where I took her shopping for a bit. She also came over to my room in my boarding house because I asked her one evening to watch a film with me and another friend because it was my birthday. She did come along but I got the impression she wasn't happy about something. Maybe it was because Face-Off was the lamest film to start watching with her alone. So I made up for it that same evening by offering her some of my birthday cake which she loved and then I walked her back to her girls boarding house and gave her the rest of the cake in a bag to share with the other girls... we hugged and said our goodbyes.

Now, the situation is complex. Earlier this evening, I was told by a good friend of mine that Elle and another guy (who hung out with us downtown!) started kissing on a bench and were spotted by a few people. I am devasted by this news and I am not sure what to do. Should I confront her about it? Or should I completely pretend that I never got word of it and just play it cool with her when I next see her on Monday morning lessons. The thing is that the other guy has no real qualities... he is ugly, he smokes, he is not clever, he is an irresponsible rudeboy type of person. Whereas I seem to be very much the opposite, I try to be as much of a gentleman as possible and regularly text and call Elle. We are all around 16-17 years old by the way.

What should I do? When i first heard of this, my heart stopped, I thought game over for a while. Then I phoned my good friend and he said 'man, don't give up, just because the other guy kissed her first doesn't mean it's over for you'. He told me to play it cool and don't talk to her about it at all because she might freak out and think i'm jealous. What shall i be like on Monday to her? Just like, 'hey how did your weekend go? and so on'...

She once asked me if I wanted to watch The Notebook with her... and once played translation games in Spanish and wrote 'I love you' at the end to translate. These seemed like signs to me. These were not all that long ago, the Notebook suggestion was only last saturday and the 'I love you' translation thing was near when I was first getting to know her better.

So please, any advice on how I should behave in front of her from now on would be good. I would really like to ask her out at some point, but I hope that her first kiss with this other guy doesn't mean game over for me. I don't think they are dating, but who knows...

Thank you

[DoesntMatter]

The way you are talking makes it sound like you are debating whether or not to "confront" her (wait, you actually said that yourself!). From what I gather, you were never in a relationship with her! She has every right to go off and make-out with this guy if she wants to. You are just one of her guy friends, right? It would really be a bad idea to "confront" her.

When I first read the title of the thread, I immediately thought to myself "He must be younger than 16 or 17." And I was right. Just ONE year ago I was like you myself. When the girl I liked and had a crush on expressed her "love" for another guy (who was a complete player) through various means, I was devastated. As in, I felt like I had been shot and sent to hell for a couple months. This girl was misused and so incredibly "played" and walked over it was quite sickening. She must have had no freaking self-respect whatsoever. But I used to like her a LOT, and got that feeling like your heart was made of lead when she did stuff like that.

..But the moral of the story is I don't feel like that at ALL anymore. Not just towards her. When I see cute girls at college that I start to like and find out they have a boyfriend or see them flirting like mad with other guys or making out at a party, it doesn't phase me in the slightest. I couldn't have imagined even just ONE year ago that I could change like that. Seriously, God has been generous with me.

I hope that gives you... hope. Lol

[Michael6084]

i would just let it go. there are so many girls in college, why just stop at her? its not like youre trying to get married by the time you graduate from college.

besides acting "gentlemanly" doesnt really work well with girls in general, at least around 16 or 17.

[DoesntMatter]

besides acting "gentlemanly" doesnt really work well with girls in general, at least around 16 or 17.

True, because being "gentlemanly" in this day and age will make you look like an ass-kisser compared to other people.

You'll probably have a lot more luck just treating them like one of your guy friends with some flirting, if you can do that.

Besides, being "gentlemanly" implies a failure at keeping it real. Don't do it

Also, what michael said, there are soooo many girls at college, you need to view them all as possibilities, not just 1!!!!!! So important!!!!

[Junket]

He doesn't have a right to confront anybody about shit.

It's not even his girlfriend.

And what's with that "I love you" shit he pulled?

At this rate, he's lost her before he even had her.

[vashti]

destinationx - you've got to learn to step up and ask for what you want without delay! Because you have not yet made a move after all this time, she has probably already figured you as friend - not boyfriend - material. You don't have any right to "confront" her. She wasn't yours.

I suggest you forget what you've heard and ask her out. She will either say yes, or she will say no, but at least you will know whether or not you should continue pining away over her.

[ftheunion]

I Felt very similar. I was a senior this last school year. I liked a sophmore in one of my electives, but she sat on the other side of the room.

At lunch I would see her in the distance across the large quad. One day I saw her peck a young guy with piss blonde hair her own age. I was kinda pissed, and crushed back into my proper place. I later found out It never materialized.

It didn't happen, I thought my crush troubles were gone down the drain, but on grad night I told her my feelings, and things went well. Isn't the end of the world, but could kill your ramantic feelings. Like a sniper, just a little pain, but it is overcomeable.

You can't control the universe, so its ok. If she dumps him later on, you could move in and at least tell her you like and she looks nice. If nothing else......

She wasn't interested, but I thought that guy had her, and was jealous, even though they are still young. I was lucky.

[Michael6084]

True, because being "gentlemanly" in this day and age will make you look like an ass-kisser compared to other people.

You'll probably have a lot more luck just treating them like one of your guy friends with some flirting, if you can do that.

Besides, being "gentlemanly" implies a failure at keeping it real. Don't do it

Also, what michael said, there are soooo many girls at college, you need to view them all as possibilities, not just 1!!!!!! So important!!!!

hah thanks for quoting me

[gartlas]

I agree with all the other guys,leave it be,its too late now,if u really like her wait until she has finished with this other guy and then ask her out.once there was a girl I really liked.she went out with my best friend before I had the chance to talk to her.After they broke up I talked to her and she told me to get lost.(this may happen)if ur friendship is strong enough it will survive ,but chances are that the whole thing will turn out fine.good luck with it let me know what happens.