My girlfriend and I are going through really tough times. I work away for 5 weeks in the Middle east and then have 5 weeks off where we normally go away for a couple of weeks vacation etc.

We’re both 2nd time around and the normal but heartache issues of step children are ever present.

Anyway, over time we have built up so we jointly own with no mortgages 4 houses, one we live in and the other three we rent out. We get about $2500/month and Sue takes all of this to pay the running expenses of our house (utilities etc), $300 a week for food and stuff and $200 a week spending money. I set this up for her some 5 years ago as I asked her not to go to work so we could go on vacation when I was home and she needed in my view independent money rather than ‘ask’ to take it from the joint bank.

Not trying to sound a hero here, just thought it was reasonable.

Anyway, last year I brought 2 additional houses on mortgages and rented them out at cost to our children as money is tight. One to her two lads and one for my daughter and her family. Sue and Kate, my daughter despises each other for every reason you can imagine. I brought these two places under my sole name as at the time we were going through a rough patch (yet I was helping her kids who had just been made homeless by her ex?) and she told me to stick the joint ownership up my backside as she didn’t want the debt of a mortgage around her neck if I passed on. So I did.

Anyway, I was home last hitch and Sue told me, without any build up, that if I was to die when she inherits the state via the will the first thing she would do is kick Kate out, sell it and pay off the MG on her lads house and give it to them. We also have her daughter, 21 with us and she would give one of the other four to her. Effectively leaving Kate homeless and without anything I would have left her, and her three with a house each – which to be honest I’ve brought cash with my earnings from working abroad.

Why did I put them all in joint – to give her the security she wanted as we’d broken up some 6 years ago for a period.

So I didn’t do anything, we argued about it and the rest of my hitch home I spent down the golf club and in a different room at home to avoid each other. I left to come back (which is where this is sent from, Oman) without a hug, kiss or anything.

I haven’t spoken to her in a week, and had 2-3 txts about house stuff and my car being serviced. I haven’t had any contact in 4 days.

But my point and my question is this. A few months ago she wanted a new car, I agreed, not altogether sure why (buying affection?). She traded in her current one and I said the balance, some $25,000 would come from the bank account. It’s due for delivery Sept 1st.

During the last week of me being at home she threatened to leave because of the atmosphere. This is one of numerous occasions over the past year and every time I’ve caved in and tried to fix it which I’ve done. This time she said she was going, I could keep our home, and she would take 2 of the other 3 for herself (it balanced the value) and we would share the proceeds from the 4th.

This time I picked up her mobile phone, not angrily at all, and quite coldly said ‘go ahead then, call the people who currently rent the two you want and give them notice’. Then we’ll go to the solicitors and make it legal and move on from there.

She backed down. I asked her 2-3 more times that week and she backed down, I said am I going to get a dear John letter soon as I’m away and she said no, she’s changed her mind and wants to stay.

So, I got contacted from the bank yesterday asking me to jointly endorse her application for a $20,000 personal loan. She had told them that she doesn’t work but receives all the income from the rental houses into her sole account (true) so she’s good for the loan.

They have declined it because it’s not her sole income etc.

Now, my 1st impressions are she’s a total and utter ars*hole and now just in it for the money. How was she going to explain a new car sitting in the yard when I got home?
Surely she realises that the rental money is half mine and I choose to let her control it as that’s the way we’ve set up.

If we spilt then automatically it would become half mine, or if she moved into the rental places the rent would disappear and she’d have no choice but to work to pay the loan ($1000 a month).

So is she just using me to stay in the ‘big house’ with all the trappings + only having to put up with me for half the time? Or is she just trying to be independent and not take the money from my salary in the bank.

Or, am I just a total and utter fool?

Footnote – many, many of the arguments we have is around her housekeeping and independent money. She tells me food and stuff is going up rapidly and she can’t make ends meet, nearly always having to subsidise the food bill with her own independent money.

So how could she make ends meet if the car loan is going to cost $1000/month out of the $2000/month she has now and can’t manage on.

Murray