A relationship and it's complications after 2 1/2 years

[Alex-Meli]

Long story really, I'll try to keep it short and understandable..

My Girlfriend and I met eachother just over two and a half years ago, in a clinic, rehab kind of thing. We personally were both there because of depression.
My case of depression and reason for being there was that I had let a lot of things eat up inside me over years after my parents divorce, because it didn't go too friendly and I didn't see my dad for a couple of years to come. That's all sorted now, I've gotten back on track.
My girlfriend's reason for being in the rehab clinic was because of history in her family, whose mother's side has been greatly abused by her grandfather. It hit everyone apart from her basically, her aunts and uncles, mother and even her sister. This isn't what has really gotten to her but of the fact that it's partially an everyday topic in life with her family, they talk about it just so generally and openly as if it weren't anything bad, heck because of their strong religious way of life they've even forgiven her grandfather, yet my girlfriend hasn't whatsoever, it's starting to get to her now and she can't get around it. My girlfriend found out at the age of 8 by her parents all about depression, she says her mum had had her arms slit open and even near death puking in to the toilet because of tablet over-dose (which was done on purpose). Basically, my girlfriend can't hack it.. It's too much and at the moment she wants to get that all sorted, maybe see a new therapist considering the fact that she aborted her last therapy. (Just about her entire mother's side has been through therapy and times of depression and slitting their arms.) It's getting to her so bad that it's influenced our relationship as well and at the moment all she wants is to run away as she has said. Move somewhere absoloutley new and start again. This is obviously something that is just about impossible, ecspecially because of financial reasonings.

We've been living together for 2months now and have just gotten settled down but since yesterday we're not even sleeping in the same room anymore.

A big problem in my opinion is that our social life is at about point zero, because we just moved in together in a new town away from home and we don't know anyone who lives here.


Just wanted to get that off my chest, feel free to answer, ask me questions or give me grief.

[EDIT]
Another thing is that she said, she is so upset that we didn't meet 2 or 3 years later than we did, because she knows that I am the love of her life, it just came at a time when she really had to get herself sorted first, which she hasn't been able to do now and that is why it has come up again. Her ideal utopia would be to get things sorted and that we could maybe even get back together, this would mean putting our relationship on hold and her moving out, and living her own life for a while.

After her spilling her heart out to me yesterday, I was the one who came forward with what she was most likely thinking, to put our relationship on hold and then I said 'Well put it on hold.. but it doesn't even need to mean that we will get back together' (Which I said to not look desperate) and she answered: 'No it's not that.. It's that I do want to get back together I do still love you, but I can't live with or without you at the moment... It's all so complicated and I need to get my own life sorted first'

[/EDIT]


- Alex

[NeoSeminole]

it sounds to me like she is using you. Break up with her. No girl is worth putting your life on hold for.

[Yacker]

Yeah you'll have to treat this like any break up. Date around and if the time comes someday where she feels sorted then get back together. But you can't be in that mindset that you'll end up with her ultimately, just know it might be in the cards someday.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

How the hell is she using him? She still is depressed and being in a relationship is possibly bringing more of a burden down on her. Give her the space she asks for and in due time she will be back like she told you. She isnt over the stuff she has been through yet, so give her some time. Let her know that if she needs anything you are there for her.

[NeoSeminole]

LadieNisha4u2nv, the gf wants him to wait for her while she "finds herself" or whatever bullshit excuse girls usually give. I guarantee she has ulterior motives than seeing a new therapist. She is using the OP as her safety net in case things don't work out. This is not fair to him.

[Alex-Meli]

Thanks for the replies so far

[damn2008]

Don't wait for her...she already wants to move on and her comments are a CLEAR INDICATION of that.

It's not smart to put your life and plans on hold for another person. I did it and it screwed me over but whatever, I know life goes on and I learned my lesson.

If you meet someone else and it all clicks, then go for it...obviously she wants to sort her life out and part of that might include being with someone else...so you should move on with your life as well