new, pls guys decode this for me

[sweet200]

Hi all, am new here. I just wanted to know how I should interpret when a guy says; "it's nice hearing your voice". I dont know why but with men I always want to check so I do assume anything- act from a point of total info so to speak. Also if you've ever been intimate with someone- not sex but everything else then for some reason u couldn't be together.....why after 4 years would he start saying how lonely/deprived/available he is. Should I take this to mean he misses me? Personally i never stopped loving him and we've always been in touch and now he's become like my best friend but all these mixed signals have me confused.
Thanks S.

[blue]

The only way to clear up mixed signals is by laying all the cards out on the table and asking questions. Ask him how he feels about the two of you at this point. Talk communication is key!

[sweet200]

Thanks Blue,
i'm scared of knowing. It also doesnt help that we're continents apart. Most of my friends suggest I wait till I get back then we can talk. I sincerely think that the time for US as a couple came and went if it was even there in the 1st place however im hugely attracted to him. I just dont know what the hell to do with the emotions you know. It actually made me breakup with my last b/f coz I was being too emotionally unfaithful. Is it polite to ask such deep stuff over the phone?(he tends to hold back alot which is why my friends recommend I wait) Plus you didn't tell me your take on this from an outsiders point of view.

[blue]

It sounds like there is obviously alot of unresolved feelings. As if you two never really moved on with the hopes of always having something there. Do you know what i mean? You say that your time came and went but it dosent sound like it ever left for either of you. Yes he misses you of course, thats why it so nice to hear your voice! I dont know. I do know that you should talk about it wheather face to face or on the phone or whatever. I would do it now. Do you think he will hold back if you ask him now? I dont think so. What happened that you two spilt up?

[sweet200]

well Blue he's a very complex guy. Like I said we never really went out actually (we dated for like 8 months). When I was in campus we shared the same bed for 2 months since he didn't have a room and I had one all to myself. I broke it off since he was rather non commital. He'd always flow with my plans but personally I like the man taking the initiative. I didnt love him any less (i didnt know it was love then ha ha). I told him I felt I was doing too much of the work. He then said that I take alot of things forgranted for instance the kisses (guess he meant the intimacy). Anyhow after that I made sure he couldn't contact me (no cell phones, no email address). It was so hard coz I missed the romance (he's so romantic). But I got myself another b/f (the one I broke it off coz I cdnt stop thinking about this guy am writing about) but it didnt work out. Im not seeing anyone now and I suppose neither is he and we've remained close ever since with several arguments along the way.

[sweet200]

PS Blue i dont get what u mean by

As if you two never really moved on with the hopes of always having something there. Do you know what i mean?

what do you mean? That we both dont want to move on conciously?

[blue]

[QUOTE=sweet200]As if you two never really moved on with the hopes of always having something there. Do you know what i mean

The two of you have always had feelings for eachother, and this had caused you to keep in touch mess up your previous relationship and even cause some arguments from time to time between you both. You need to get together when you get back and then let me know how it went.

What do you need out of a relationship? Just curious.

[sweet200]

Oh man! How come everyone else sees it this way. Im currently doing my Masters degree abroad and everyone here in the lab keep telling me when we see each other they want to know all the details. The reason we had arguments is coz I told him we couldnt be friends. So I asked that we cut contact. We had a huge fight over that in the end I decided to keep him as a friend- but shucks my feelings get in the way. The other day I discovered a lump in my breast and u guessed it he was the 1st person I called. He's been there for me though from far. What I need in a relationship is loads of romance, but with him just his presence would be enough.

[sweet200]

Blue what do you suppose will happen when I see him again? He's very principled and the fact that I dated someone else seriously knowing he was in the picture somewhere - I think he's never forgiven that. Usually we're very silly- he'll ask what my schedule for a weekend is -probably just to hear if I hang out with other men whilst am here. But the thing is he'll never say he's even missed me- ok I suppose it doesn't help that im always asking for Breaks (it's just i keep fearing falling 100% so i need space everytime we get too close). There's so much I dont know about him and that's unsettling.

[blue]

i think that when you do see him a big hug and a kiss maybe on the cheek will happen. You two will sit down and talk about all the feelings that are involved and it will either be a good thing and the two of you will progress or it will be the end. I dont think that in this situation there will be an in between, there never has been. I think that if for some reason it comes up that you dated someone else & he cant accept that then he frankly could take his principles and take a hike, but in my opinion i dont think that will happen. Being in love is about forgivness and you two frankly just werent together anymore. My advice is move slowly. Remain calm and move forward.
& sweet you can never really know someone fully, & thats where trust comes in & that is SCARY but its the risk you take for being in love. You haev loads of romance w/ him & thats good. Sweet please take care of yourself right now and if you need me im here. Blue always

[sweet200]

Oh well Blue 4 months to go. I'm actually feeling nervous meeting him again. Love oh love why does it have to be so complicated. I don't know I keep wondering if I can ever be the right person for him. I dont even know his type if he has one. I'll let you know if the hug and kiss transpire thanks for the posts

[sweet200]

Blue,
what's ur all time fav Love song?
For me there are several: Puff Johnson; please help me im falling in love with u
Az Yet; I don't wanna be lonely
Shola Ama; who's loving my baby
Karyn White; can I spend the night
Whitney Houston; where do broken hearts go
OK for now

[blue]

alan jacksons remember when, love song by the cure ihave many more let me think ill be back

[sweet200]

does anyone think girls love more? Why does it take us longer than most men to get over people? Why are we the ones who suffer harder heartbreaks?

[blue]

i think that it depends on the person. alot of guys suffer from broken hearts real bad and so do women. most men will try almost anything to forget and supress al those feelings i think wome we are more emotional.